Venting can't keep venting to my friends

[illvoid]

They're all going to get tired of me soon enough. I've been through the same exact thing with so many people. I feel so emotionally immature and I know it's why I can't keep anyone in my life. Not only am I an awful fucking person, but I make myself a responsibility to everyone who comes into my life. I feel like I only exist to weigh people down. I really wish I could CTB but my current situation makes that basically impossible. I really fucking deserve to die. I can't even function on my own. I'm so codependent I can't regulate my emotions without someone else listening to me bitch about how I feel. Sometimes I think I honestly just want attention. I wish I was a good person but I don't even know where to start.

 

[Cress]

I'll be honest with you Friends and family do max out at a certain point when you tell them about your suicidal Ideation Enough times. After enough time they begin to just take your presence for granted and consider it a steady state or they end up just getting burned out. I've lost a lot of friends and family due to this same process they thought I was always going to be around Or it was just some attention seeking process. Either way they come to the conclusion that my end will never come.

With that in mind it's important to realize that this is why mental health professionals are important because they're paid to not burnout listening to you And more importantly they volunteered to be in that position so they have ethical requirements to attempt to help you through this. Admittedly there's concerns with them hospitalizing you if they think you're extremely close to harming yourself as they want to protect themselves for legal reasons. However this can sometimes be mitigated by bringing up your fears of hospitalization.

With that said people on the form here are always willing to engage and discuss with you usually. Even more so because we understand what it's like to be chronically suicidal. Personally I've always felt like I put a tremendous weight talking to people And them for only a moderate amount of Benefit to myself. Stresses them out by plus 100% and reduces my stress levels by 5%. Never seemed worth it in the past but if you never talk about it it will ultimately devour you.

Anyway I'm sorry we haven't talked more