• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    ETH: 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
I

Infantry11B

New Member
May 6, 2023
1
For years now I've been trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. It's really been hard adjusting back to normal life ever since the military. I just don't feel like I fit in anymore and the person that I have become scares me. I have been going to therapy multiple times a week for the last 2 years and I finally made the connection that the only way for me to be proud of myself or to be confident in who I am is for me to be that monster that scares me. I don't know How to shake this feeling or how to convince myself that I don't need to be that person. But everyday I wonder what it would be like to not be here anymore to not have to wake up and deal with the daily life struggles and problems and emotions that life has been throwing in my way. I fantasize about not being here or being put in a situation where I may potentially end up getting harmed or injured. That way I don't have to do it myself. I've came to terms that I'm too scared to kill myself. I'm too scared to shoot myself even though I've shot hundreds of thousands of rounds. That one shot scares me. And I guess that's what I have a hard time understanding is why do I feel like I want to leave so bad but yet I'm so scared to do it. Everyday I'm overwhelmed. I'm stuck in my thoughts. Feeling lonely. Feeling out of place. Feeling like I can't be loved because I've turned myself into someone incapable of being loved. I'm really in a rock and a hard spot and I just don't know what to do next. I am safe right now but just having a hard time staying afloat.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: iloveloving and fallingtopieces
fallingtopieces

fallingtopieces

Wizard
May 6, 2024
608
I'm sorry your suffering. What makes u believe u have to be that being that scares u? I can only imagine how difficult it can be adjusting to civilian life. Have u tried treatments like ketamine or safely used psychedelics yet?
 

Similar threads

cymbaline23
Replies
4
Views
374
Suicide Discussion
boringlife
B
DimaD
Replies
10
Views
401
Suicide Discussion
Kyotospade
Kyotospade
RawPremadePizza2
Replies
4
Views
127
Recovery
lost_one
lost_one
ceriseange♡
Replies
1
Views
250
Suicide Discussion
_Maya
_Maya
ijbolijbol8979
Replies
38
Views
774
Suicide Discussion
ijbolijbol8979
ijbolijbol8979