Can anyone relate?

[zachw]

I've posted before about my need to die being triggered by a break up. I've wanted to die for 3.5 years now. I've been hospitalized multiple times and tried so many treatments. Nothing helps. I find myself screaming and crying and almost jumping off my balcony. I've written notes and texts saying goodbye but I don't follow through. Why am I continuing to let myself suffer? Why don't I have the capacity to jump? I have immense love and purpose in my life but zero desire to live. Why can't I follow through? Can anyone relate?

 

[anon554]

We're hardwired for self preservation. Plus I think it's nice to hang on and have the possibility of hope in the future, even if it's not likely.

 

[ShatteredShards]

I can strongly relate, my dude. A week ago today, my partner of 7 years fell out of love with me and left. I'm sorry that you're enduring so much pain, I really hope you're able to find some form of alleviation and peace.

Like anon554 said, we've all got a natural instinct to preserve ourselves, for many people out there, they're trapped in the loop of being too afraid to die, but also too scared to live. Fear is an extremely powerful emotion.

 

[buoy]

I really hear you friend. It's our hardwiring as previously mentioned, coupled with the concept of hope. It sounds like you have things in your life that you see as 'gifts, treasures, or goals'.

Idk about your solution, but mine was to prepare equally for both life and death. I still don't KNOW if I want to die, so I wont be hasty. BUT I have tested/rehearsed my method, found one that makes me comfortable, did the research, etc.

idk the answer for you, but I know we move from 'season' to 'season' in our lives. Hopefully it's just a period of internal conflict or mourning.