Hi Jean, have been monitoring this thread for a while before signing up today. Can see you were quite close to Stan and I really admired him reading through his posts.
What was he like as a person? Obviously its hard to tell from text on a screen, he obviously had such an impact here so really curious to know and keep this a celebration thread of his life and contribution this community.
What was Stan like.
If you ever spoke with him, he would always say he was 95% logical and 5% emotional. He used to joke I was the opposite which is why we got along so well.
He was so logical because he was so damaged. Never let people here see it. We just saw his brilliance and dark sense of humor. He had difficulty showing emotions, even though he felt them very deeply. I think he was scared to feel them because he was so hurt in the past.
Stan was incredibly patient, and it took him an awful lot to lose his temper. Trust me. If there was a button to push in him, I did it. Not on purpose. Just because I didn't know what to do in a serious relationship. I never had one honestly. I became scared very easily after doing something, and he knew that. He would always calmly tell me that I could do nothing wrong, he wasn't angry and will not be ending it with me.
Always with an amused smirk on his face.
He loved my cats and quality booze (scotch, whiskey etc.) Sorry vegetarians... He was not lol.
He had a very high position as a supervisor at his job which he lost and wasn't able to find another one (part of his issues.)
He liked being in charge and have people listen to him, which is why he helped so many people here. Personally, I think the respect helped with his self-esteem.
Stan was highly educated. The UK education system is foreign to me, but he explained to me his degree in American terms would be having an advanced degree and a PHD. He absolutely loved researching as you can tell by his guide. Nothing made him happier than researching.
Stan sent me a letter after he died. It was a side of Stan I never saw. It was emotional. It was full of love, and him saying it. Almost poetic. He had those emotions in him. He just couldn't let it out or let me see it.
He would tell me over and over again, he didn't understand what I saw in him. He could offer me nothing. Most of all, he would say he was worthless.
That personally hurt me when he said it. When I told him I loved him, he would ask me why. Or say he doesn't deserve it. He told me first that he loved me. He said it to me over Skype. The first time he said it, I looked in his eyes and for the first time I saw fear. Stan was a rock. Very few things phased him. At the time, I thought he was fearful of being rejected. I knew he loved me. Had no doubt. I honestly never expected him to say it, and I was fine with that. I knew getting in touch with his emotions like that would be difficult for him. It was a huge personal breakthrough for him to do so.
I know the reasons why he CTB. To me, we could have worked on his problems together. However, he was too far gone to accept help or even try. He wrote in his goodbye letter to me if only we met sooner.
It's hard to talk about a person. There is so much. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask :)
If there is anything specific you would like to know, feel free to ask. It is hard to talk about a person. There is just so much. :)
