Buying a house

[ezotark]

I'm currently looking to buy my first home. I moved back in with my parents 2 years ago so I could save up and I'm now at a point where I can afford to make an offer. While I'm excited by the idea of having my own place I also don't enjoy being alive. I want somewhere I can fester and have the solitude to one day ctb but I'm not sure if that's a good reason to make such a major (pro-)life commitment.

So what would you do? The way I see it I have 4 options.

1. Buy a house
2. Stay with my parents and fester
3. CTB sooner rather than later
4. Stay with my parents and work on enjoying life until this is a decision I actually want to make

I really appreciate any input and I'd love to hear similar situations even if it has nothing to do with buying a house.

In another thread someone had discussed the struggle with "planning for life while planning to die" which is pretty accurate to how I feel.

 

[MyShadow]

Congratulations on saving enough money to put an offer on a house! I was there a few years ago but the market here exploded and housing costs doubled then doubled again, so unfortunately that's not in the cards for me.

To answer your question, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts then why invest in a future that will only make you more miserable. If you have resources to work through your suicidal ideation and your parents are willing to allow you to stay while you work through them, then I'd go with Option 4.

I hope you find a solution and hope you can find peace within that decision.

 

[metfan647]

Firstly, congratulations on saving money and thinking about a big decision like this.

Difficult one to advise on without knowing more about your financial circumstances, job security, mental health (past and present), past history of keeping jobs, dependents etc.

I will say that I suspect that owning a house is one of those things in life that'll give one a sense of purpose. Even if it is a purpose driven by the fear repossession, it is, nonetheless, a purpose.

As staying with parents is an option, I take it relations are good with them and getting your independence isn't absolutely imperative?

Personally, if I had enough money to put a deposit down on a house and had desires to ctb, I'd be looking to use that money on more short-term pleasures. See and do things I never could or will never be able to.

You might be minded to buy the house, which will in turn give you some drive to carry on. You never know what doors it might open. It might push you into working differently, making bold career moves. Being your place too, you could create the right environment if/when you decide to ctb. You'll also be able to leave the house for loved ones, if you're minded to do that.

 

[boondoon]

You could consider buying a house and renting it out to others while continuing to live with your parents and work. House prices are constantly rising, so it can be a solid investment, and if you ever decide you want to keep living, it gives you something to look forward to. Although if you are struggling mentally this will probably drain you more.

On the other hand, if you buy a house now and live in it alone, it will probably speed up option 3, feelings of isolation make suicidal thoughts more reasonable. Option 4 staying with your parents while working on improving your life is probably the safest approach for now, since owning a house can be stressful and comes with a lot of responsibility.

 

[ezotark]

Amazing responses, thank you all so much.

Congratulations on saving enough money to put an offer on a house! I was there a few years ago but the market here exploded and housing costs doubled then doubled again, so unfortunately that's not in the cards for me.

Thank you and I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope that becomes an option for you if it's stil something you want.

To answer your question, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts then why invest in a future that will only make you more miserable. If you have resources to work through your suicidal ideation and your parents are willing to allow you to stay while you work through them, then I'd go with Option 4.

This is nice to hear. I honeslty added option 4 as an afterthought when I realised how biased I was being but it's nice to have that echoed back to me as an agreeable option. I guess I've gotten in my head that this has to happen NOW. I don't think even my parents realise how foundationally unequipt I am for this kind of step in life. So it's worth exploring that.

Firstly, congratulations on saving money and thinking about a big decision like this.

Again, thank you.

Difficult one to advise on without knowing more about your financial circumstances, job security, mental health (past and present), past history of keeping jobs, dependents etc.

I'm single with no dependants. Pretty secure in my job although my mental health does impact that which is a looming fear that my employer will run out of patience. I'm in a spot financially where everything's lined up so from that perspective it's kind of a no brainer, just my mentality about it is holding me back. I have OCD and strongly believe I have ADHD. I'm on the waiting list for an ADHD diagnosis. I generally just have a major low mood which makes it hard for me to feel secure long term and rely on myself.

As staying with parents is an option, I take it relations are good with them and getting your independence isn't absolutely imperative?

Yes absolutely, I like being by myself which is the main appeal of having my own home. That and just getting out of my parents' way.

You might be minded to buy the house, which will in turn give you some drive to carry on. You never know what doors it might open. It might push you into working differently, making bold career moves. Being your place too, you could create the right environment if/when you decide to ctb. You'll also be able to leave the house for loved ones, if you're minded to do that.

I really like your thinking about his and it's something I have in mind as well. I could force the decision and it could be the best thing for me. Or I could end up a drug addict or something, I really don't know. I definetely wouldn't "own" the house for a long while. I'd be worried if i ctb the house would be a major burden. I wonder how many other people are trying to figure out how much equity they need before cbt lmao.

You could consider buying a house and renting it out to others while continuing to live with your parents and work. House prices are constantly rising, so it can be a solid investment, and if you ever decide you want to keep living, it gives you something to look forward to. Although if you are struggling mentally this will probably drain you more.

On the other hand, if you buy a house now and live in it alone, it will probably speed up option 3, feelings of isolation make suicidal thoughts more reasonable. Option 4 staying with your parents while working on improving your life is probably the safest approach for now, since owning a house can be stressful and comes with a lot of responsibility.

I wouldnt be able to live with myself being a landlord - but maybe that makes this a good idea? And yes, the hope that living alone would expediate the ctb option is definietly on my mind but it's exactly why I think I'm not in a position to really make this decision. Thanks for understanding me! I really apreciate that.