settling
Member
- May 9, 2026
- 10
i would like to preface this post by saying i am not implying that autistic men (or even autistic people in general) are uniquely "oppressed" (i dont think we are even oppressed at all, and if we are, i dont think its an oppression in which anyone is really liable for or can be reformed) or face more ostracization compared to women or ethnic/religious/sexual/etc minorities. i am not trying to alienate others or dismiss other peoples experiences. i am simply trying to have a discussion in which i think other people can relate to, i also would like to say that this is in no way justification for learned helplessness and it is possible to be quite socially successful as an autistic person (ive actually witnessed it with a friend who is probably more low functioning than me)
i, like i imagine many of you on this forum who share this condition, was horrifically and viciously bullied growing up due to our weirdness. this bullying has pretty much fucked up my self esteem beyond repair i think, i am extremely sensitive and have been described my many of my peers as a "people pleaser", the positive outcome towards the abuse i had growing up is that i have developed an extremely bullet proof "mask" to shield myself and conform to save myself from abuse. my therapist said these habits i have developed to conform are not healthy, but at the end of the day its worth it to me.
the mask i have developed shields me from abuse by emulating neurotypical social dynamics. i would described the simulacrum i have developed to be like a movie or a play. each time i talk with someone, i have to control my meat puppet known as myself to carry on and further my goals in a given moment, and as a human, these are constant. for school, for work, for romantic relationships, anything really. over the 20 years i have been on this earth, i have developed many heuristics to fit in. these range from easy to hard. easy ones include: going back and forth in a conversation, show interest, and try to give advice and make the person feel heard, and try your best to "read the room", and if you dont think what youre saying is nice, dont say it at all, the hard ones are very little but i feel like the most important, such as: making eye contact and being "animated". you see, when normal people have a conversation, they dont act like androids following a script. they show emotion, maybe their head tilts to show contempt or to show that they are listening, maybe their eyes squint or they push their spine forward to lean in and show that they care to someone in need. these simple and common rules in which normal people follow naturally are more rules i have to try to emulate in order to assure the survival of my meat puppet, constantly, and without break and if i ever slip up i will be considered a freak and treated as an invalid, subhuman.
in the context of being a man, what you have on your own is useless and disposable, you have to command respect. in the context of romantic relationship, the prevailing social order does not see you as fuckable at all. as in, when you see an autistic woman, its an easy hole to stick your dick into (autistic women are very commonly sexually abused). but when you see an autistic man, youre just a retard thats fun to torture, assault and humiliate for just the kick of it. youre free game to proving how tough you are to your friend group. look what people say about autistic people online, not only are they cringe, dysgenic weirdos, they are also overtly antisocial people who should be locked up. i saw someone do something fucked up online to some random person and there were people talking about him being "autistic" (and it wasnt to invoke any pity in that person at all) etc. it wasnt even a stereotypically autistic behavior, it was just someone doing something incredibly weird and antisocial, but it gives you the idea that normal people view autistic people as drooling retarded brutes and criminals (maybe they are lmfao). subhumans. i saw someone discuss about how they wanted a girl that was "a little autistic", like yeah man. you sure do lol and you don't view their naivete as an easy resource to get your rocks off.
my life is getting a bit better, i was given propanolol and thats helped me a lot in public, suicide is still definitely on the table but i might as well try for a year or two. you never know what life has in store, as they say.
thanks for reading <3
i, like i imagine many of you on this forum who share this condition, was horrifically and viciously bullied growing up due to our weirdness. this bullying has pretty much fucked up my self esteem beyond repair i think, i am extremely sensitive and have been described my many of my peers as a "people pleaser", the positive outcome towards the abuse i had growing up is that i have developed an extremely bullet proof "mask" to shield myself and conform to save myself from abuse. my therapist said these habits i have developed to conform are not healthy, but at the end of the day its worth it to me.
the mask i have developed shields me from abuse by emulating neurotypical social dynamics. i would described the simulacrum i have developed to be like a movie or a play. each time i talk with someone, i have to control my meat puppet known as myself to carry on and further my goals in a given moment, and as a human, these are constant. for school, for work, for romantic relationships, anything really. over the 20 years i have been on this earth, i have developed many heuristics to fit in. these range from easy to hard. easy ones include: going back and forth in a conversation, show interest, and try to give advice and make the person feel heard, and try your best to "read the room", and if you dont think what youre saying is nice, dont say it at all, the hard ones are very little but i feel like the most important, such as: making eye contact and being "animated". you see, when normal people have a conversation, they dont act like androids following a script. they show emotion, maybe their head tilts to show contempt or to show that they are listening, maybe their eyes squint or they push their spine forward to lean in and show that they care to someone in need. these simple and common rules in which normal people follow naturally are more rules i have to try to emulate in order to assure the survival of my meat puppet, constantly, and without break and if i ever slip up i will be considered a freak and treated as an invalid, subhuman.
in the context of being a man, what you have on your own is useless and disposable, you have to command respect. in the context of romantic relationship, the prevailing social order does not see you as fuckable at all. as in, when you see an autistic woman, its an easy hole to stick your dick into (autistic women are very commonly sexually abused). but when you see an autistic man, youre just a retard thats fun to torture, assault and humiliate for just the kick of it. youre free game to proving how tough you are to your friend group. look what people say about autistic people online, not only are they cringe, dysgenic weirdos, they are also overtly antisocial people who should be locked up. i saw someone do something fucked up online to some random person and there were people talking about him being "autistic" (and it wasnt to invoke any pity in that person at all) etc. it wasnt even a stereotypically autistic behavior, it was just someone doing something incredibly weird and antisocial, but it gives you the idea that normal people view autistic people as drooling retarded brutes and criminals (maybe they are lmfao). subhumans. i saw someone discuss about how they wanted a girl that was "a little autistic", like yeah man. you sure do lol and you don't view their naivete as an easy resource to get your rocks off.
my life is getting a bit better, i was given propanolol and thats helped me a lot in public, suicide is still definitely on the table but i might as well try for a year or two. you never know what life has in store, as they say.
thanks for reading <3
