BPD and statistics

[pulse1]

I may as have been cursed from the moment I was born with BPD. It sucks to feel 'average' in those regards. 70% of people with BPD attempt at least once and 10% succeed, and I feel so inadequate that I am in the 70% and not in the 10%. It feels like my pain is not special enough to push me hard enough to complete the act. Does anyone else get stuck thinking of the statistics of cbt as well? Or feel like a failure because they can't finish attempts?

I've been meaning to going into methods that I cannot back out of because of this. Like it's already over the moment I do it and nothing can 'save' me at that point. Does anyone have any advice on choosing such a method with considerations to having a poor uni student budget and needing it relatively soon?

 

[ALonelyFreak]

I don't have BPD but I relate in a sense. I do feel like I should be dead already but I am still fighting idk why. "It feels like my pain is not special enough to push me hard enough to complete the act." Is it pain that's too small or is it that we're too strong and we're simply too used to the pain we don't realize we're hurting. Maybe we're strong. Or maybe not. It does feel weird like I'm a freak or something because it's insane to keep on going.

Your pain is valid either way. Even if it's just "average level pain of a person with borderline". Because even if its average it's still yours.

 

[metothemoon]

I can relate. I feel like such a failure for every attempt I do not push trough or fails. Like I am not strong enough to kill myself. If I really wanted to die, I should put my money where my mouth is. But somehow I just don't….

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I have bipolar disorder which has one of the highest suicide rates: 60% attempt at least once, and 20% succeed.

With all the trauma and mental anguish the disorder has caused in my life, I feel confident I belong in the 20% of those who die from it. I'm terrified of failing, so I only want to attempt when I have a very solid method in hand. It's horrible to think of ending my own life, but the torture of continuing to live with this degenerative disorder is even worse. I'm just torn on which method to use at the moment.

 

[L'absent]

You shouldn't blame yourself. The world is full of people living with suicidal ideation for long lives. You can fantasize about suicide all your life without ever carrying it out. This happens in the wide spectrum of borderline, bipolar, eating disorders, schizoid disorders etc etc... It also happens to those who don't have disorders. It is true that statistically those with borderline disorder are at greater risk, but it is not automatic. A borderline person can develop strategies and mental mechanisms that keep them in great pain, but alive.