Biggest reason for CTB

[Nooneislistening727]

I'm curious to see what is everyone's biggest reason for considering CTB as the only way out. Is it mental illness? Abuse? Trauma? Being misunderstood? Being LGBTQ, etc? Lack of connection? Lack of purpose? Lack of meaning? A little of everything Or nearly everything? I'm genuinely interested to hear what each of you has to say. This is my new home now.
My biggest reason and what every other reason stems from is mental illness and the fact that neurotypicals have literally no idea what it is like. I think most mental illness is a life long battle that can never truely be overcome, especially for me. (I'll save my personal testimony for when the Time is right. I don't want sympathy, but compassion and understanding) Thank you for your time.

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

fuckin neurotypicals.

 

[Kjo]

D. All of the above

 

[Phoenix1990]

Mental health and events in the past

 

[lizinha]

mental health, drug addiction, lack of support and loving someone who doesnt love u back

 

[lotus11]

mental health- including a relentlessly long eating disorder and continuous struggle with my physical appearance, not being able to accept my past, lack of money and as a result lack of personal freedom, very little personal connection to friends or family, loving someone I can't be together with....general exhaustion and hopelessness with these continuing struggles

 

[Pupuce]

I see no logical reason to keep on living. It's pointless suffering.

 

[wanttodie]

biggest reason for considering CTB cant sleep depression hat my life and sick of living

 

[Nooneislistening727]

fuckin neurotypicals.

fuckin neurotypicals.

 

[Quinlor]

Failed life
Willingness to rest once and for all

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I do have some mental illnesses and I am usually very misunderstood, but these are not really the reasons I want to ctb. My real reasons for wanting to die come from my knowledge of philosophy that has led me to learning a lot of things that can be hated about this life, such as:
1. We're all born without our consent, which is essentialy a cruel violation of our rights. We never have a say on the matter.
2. Suffering exists because of sentient life, and the two cannot be separated. There's no such thing as a life completely devoid of suffering.
3. The default of life is pain and desire. Happiness and getting what you want may or may not happen, but pain always does.
4. Humans are too corrupted and naturally unfit for living in total harmony. We will never see an utopia.
5. There's no such a thing as free will. All events that happen are predetermined by previous events that were predetermined by previous events and so it goes until the birth of the universe, which could very well be predetermined by a past event.
6. Humans have much more knowledge that we, flawed animals, can handle, and that leads to either suffering or denial. No good options for us.
7. Human nature makes us unable to act morally all the time, and if we don't, that causes suffering to others.
8. Everything we do is in the end meaningless and foolish as life has no meaning and everyone dies.
9. Living eternally is also pointless, as you will eventually have to suffer or enter in a state of denial to be able to keep going.
10. Keep living < Ceasing to exist by your own choice (killing a person would be other cruel violation of consent) < Never existing at all.
I could go on for a while listing other reasons why I don't think life is really worth the effort, but I suppose you guys get the idea. To think that my thirst for knowledge and love of philosophy would lead me to wanting to kill myself... I now understand why people love living in denial. The truth can literally kill someone. I don't regret learning all of this, though. I think this is the reason we don't find intelligent life anywhere else than on Earth. They all evolved to the point of learning that life sucks and destroyed themselves and their civilizations.

 

[Pistolero114]

Mankind. My largest and greatest reason is the less than one tenth of one percent of the population who control 90% of the assets of the planet.

Those bastards should remember the Bolshiviks.

Just thinking out loud.

 

[StillWaiting]

Don't have the energy to get up and get things done

 

[HGL91]

@Oblivion Lover I see that you're from Brazil. So many people from Brazil are on this site. I seriously can't believe how horrible the economy has gotten over the past 12 years. When I went 12 years ago to see family, The Real to Dollars was 1 to 2 and now it's 1 to 4! That's crazy!

Last time I went to Rio de Janeiro like 3 years ago, it was the least safe I've ever felt there. 2 out of my 4 half siblings have gotten robbed in broad daylight in Ipanema and a family friend got shot and killed leaving the bank :(

 

[kolski]

i don't really have just one reason? Or like a list of 'problems' that make me want to die. It more like a collective set of mistakes and regrets that have led to me unable to live on any more.. idk I mean yh I suffer w mental illness, have family & financial problems, to which has led to me unable to connect social w people which hasn't helped but I feel it's more of the smaller things that broke me.

 

[Painted Bird]

More than one reason. Reality and life are so "wonderfully" complex and rich that they give you many reasons to ctb.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I don't have the ability to love.

 

[HGL91]

I don't have the ability to love.

Didn't you just experience a break up though? I did too. That can really damage the ability to love!

 

[Dawn0071111]

But I have

Didn't you just experience a break up though? I did too. That can really damage the ability to love!

But he was a narc. And I have been married to a someone who cared for me but I was never in love with him. I always felt I could never have a guy I wanted and he propsed to me & I said yes, even though I wasnt attracted to him. I asked to open the marrriage like a dumbass rather than asking for a divorce... Fell in love with the most evil creep.... Ended up with a aftermath disorder. So I feel like if I can only love a few people something is wrong with me. Im a bottomless pit of neediness and don't have what it takes to meet my needs... I will die soon..
I just need the right moment...
Gosh I.am in so much pain. I hate myself & can't wait to ctb.

 

[Death_is_Escape]

I'm curious to see what is everyone's biggest reason for considering CTB as the only way out. Is it mental illness? Abuse? Trauma? Being misunderstood? Being LGBTQ, etc? Lack of connection? Lack of purpose? Lack of meaning? A little of everything Or nearly everything? I'm genuinely interested to hear what each of you has to say. This is my new home now.
My biggest reason and what every other reason stems from is mental illness and the fact that neurotypicals have literally no idea what it is like. I think most mental illness is a life long battle that can never truely be overcome, especially for me. (I'll save my personal testimony for when the Time is right. I don't want sympathy, but compassion and understanding) Thank you for your time.

I am emotionally exhausted: I have soooo many bad memories which will burden Me so long as I am alive.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

I think most mental illness is a life long battle that can never truely be overcome

Agreed. Addiction, depression, OCD. Forget it. Fatal. The prognosis is clear to me.

I feel like my mental conditions are very fragile and that life is just a balancing act in which one such as myself must constantly stay very focused. Determination, strain, maximum effort, persistence and perseverance are what it takes just to not fall off. Falling off means losing control of my behavior, thoughts and emotions. It could mean relapsing on drugs or poor behaviors. It could mean any kind of mental regression. And it's very easy for it to happen for me.

I feel I am much more prone to insanity and I am fighting against my destiny by forcing myself to stay clean and sober, keep a full time job and go to college to earn a degree. I like to call this lifestyle artificial selection - because as a depressed, obsessive-compulsive addict, naturally odds are against me. Natural selection, or destiny as I see it, hates me and has me suffering at the hands of misfortune.

So I'm a slave to following the rules of this balancing act which is sentenced to my life. It's like walking across a narrow wooden plank all the time. It's never comfortable and there is always the worry of falling off, because there is such a long way to fall. The degree to which one can fall compared to the degree which one can rise to me seems remarkably unbalanced in that there is much more of an extreme to the former.

So to sum it all up, I want to CTB because living life walking a wooden plank is horrible. Sure it beats falling off, but it's way too stressful. The plank never widens, gets sturdier or reaches a safe land. Normal people are cruising around on escalators and automatic walkways. The mentally ill get the plank. No matter how hard I try to maintain balance, inevitably something so small will stray my focus enough to have me in worry and despair. Lately I have been feeling so vulnerable in the sense that I could lose control of everything in a matter of instances, ending up being swept off my feet and dragged across the pavement.

And yet I am expected to buck up, be responsible and mature and do the right thing and I will eventually find my niche. I mean, what else is there to do but follow the rules? Oh yeah, CTB! Hooray!

Being fired, scammed, evicted, robbed, abused, making poor decisions, relapsing on harmful substances and behaviors, are all eminent threats which I believe will never dissolve for me. I am too wicked to rightfully succeed here.

 

[Sooji95]

I do have some mental illnesses and I am usually very misunderstood, but these are not really the reasons I want to ctb. My real reasons for wanting to die come from my knowledge of philosophy that has led me to learning a lot of things that can be hated about this life, such as:
1. We're all born without our consent, which is essentialy a cruel violation of our rights. We never have a say on the matter.
2. Suffering exists because of sentient life, and the two cannot be separated. There's no such thing as a life completely devoid of suffering.
3. The default of life is pain and desire. Happiness and getting what you want may or may not happen, but pain always does.
4. Humans are too corrupted and naturally unfit for living in total harmony. We will never see an utopia.
5. There's no such a thing as free will. All events that happen are predetermined by previous events that were predetermined by previous events and so it goes until the birth of the universe, which could very well be predetermined by a past event.
6. Humans have much more knowledge that we, flawed animals, can handle, and that leads to either suffering or denial. No good options for us.
7. Human nature makes us unable to act morally all the time, and if we don't, that causes suffering to others.
8. Everything we do is in the end meaningless and foolish as life has no meaning and everyone dies.
9. Living eternally is also pointless, as you will eventually have to suffer or enter in a state of denial to be able to keep going.
10. Keep living < Ceasing to exist by your own choice (killing a person would be other cruel violation of consent) < Never existing at all.
I could go on for a while listing other reasons why I don't think life is really worth the effort, but I suppose you guys get the idea. To think that my thirst for knowledge and love of philosophy would lead me to wanting to kill myself... I now understand why people love living in denial. The truth can literally kill someone. I don't regret learning all of this, though. I think this is the reason we don't find intelligent life anywhere else than on Earth. They all evolved to the point of learning that life sucks and destroyed themselves and their civilizations.

no.1... that's what I'm always thinking about. Being born without consent just to be thrown out alone into battle we might win or not.

 

[HGL91]

Yeah, society for a long time has always made it out that women are supposed to settle and if guys cheat or want more women or a new woman, etc. "it's just them being men". But I think that while taboo, women can have similar urges.

I fell out of love with the guy I lived with for 2 years. I was physically attracted to him, but he got lazy about work so I had to work 3 jobs, started drinking a lot and verbally abused me. I ended up leaving the house one night, deciding I'd be gone as long as I needed to heal, and ended up self-sabotaging and spending the afternoon, night and morning with a guy who I admired for so long. And then I

I am emotionally exhausted: I have soooo many bad memories which will burden Me so long as I am alive.

Right? The more bad memories I collect, the more pain I am in.

 

[DoneWithThis]

I'm sure I could cite many examples. And attribute most of it from a rational standpoint to mental health issues, physical issues, family issues, financial issues, relationship issues. And I wouldn't be lying or exaggerating. I could get specific but no need to wallow in self pity.

Thee biggest reason, the main reason for wanting to ctb. Exhaustion. I'm tired of fighting. Of trying everything possible in my power, as if I hadn't made any effort at all. Tired of trying to change how I feel. At least it finally feels much better to recognize how I feel, accept, and stop judging myself for it.

Exhaustion. Of trying to find meaning and purpose. Of trying to improve things, change things, alter things. I'm tired of trying different things to improve the my conditions or the way I feel. I'm sure tired of making each and every day a battle, against the world, and against myself mostly.

You're going to give up? You're going to stop trying. Yeah, actually that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to finally accept the way I feel, and make the most of it, whatever that holds for me. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be here. I made the best of it. And I have my cherished memories. My moments of happiness. My moments of undeniable bliss. But it doesn't make up for feeling this way. Day after day, year after year. I don't deserve that. I've always tried to be the best person possible to all the people around me. So, when I Ctb hopefully I'll finally be at peace.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

Pain from Neuropathy

 

[blanketyblk]

Being left as the only one alive after everyone else i have cared about has passed on. Yes, i could start again. find love again. but i know that it's only going to be short lived. why go though that heartache again.

 

[FFTMGD]

Being trans I feel sick in my own body and constantly feel like I feel so terrible in my own body I feel uncomftorable on the verge of mental anguish. Because of this constant subtle mental anguish I can't clear my head enough to focua on anything else and can barely handle a minimum wage job. In addition being trans denies me a feeling of purpose as I cant bear kids myself, and thats the only non violent thing I gave wanted to do(due to being unable to attatch to people)

 

[ish]

I see no logical reason to keep on living. It's pointless suffering.

From my thoughts:
Ways to logical life:
1. Aim in life to contribute to the cultural and scientific achievements,
leadership, spiritual of humanity to exist as a person and to pass
to history. Real chances are almost zero for most people.
2. To be born into a large family, have a large family, live and work
for her, in old age you can at least be sure that they will stay with
you the life of YOUR GENES in the next generations, and the
memory of you after your death. Real chances greater than zero for
most people, but not as easy as it seems. Life is full of surprises
(random factor).
When we realize our real possibilities, that is what for
we have influence, and on which we have no influence, it is often too late to change anything. Natural selection continues all the time. When suffering becomes unbearable, we look for solutions and find
BUS.

 

[Asta]

Biggest reason to exit? To be with my Mother, family and friends who left too soon. 2nd biggest? So tired of being in this human body - enough already!

 

[MeltingHeart]

Very miserable childhood & the knock on effect that has had, education fukd up-when I feel like I had the capacity & ability to do well, constant financial woes, lack of purpose, frustrated and unrealised potential, a very active mind that I have never had the opportunity to channel into an enganging and meaningful pursuit/ career-due to just having to struggle& survive all the time-in soul destroying, low pay jobs and then finding myself in a gas lighting, character destroying relationship - at a time when i really needed someone a little kind/ caring, encouraging & respectful in my life for once- that tipped me over the edge- and bought back alot of childhood trauma-just when I felt a little happier & stronger for the first time in my life. Now I have acute anhedonia- my once- lively, passionate, bright, kind, warm-hearted and hopeful-soul, mind & spirit feels utterly shattered & depleted- In my head I feel like im in my own version of hell-is the only way I can describe it-literally like a living nightmare.