disappearingquietly
Worthless, useless being.
- Aug 15, 2024
- 30
Whether people will admit it or not, I'm a burden. Always have been. Always will be. Recently got diagnosed with autism in adulthood (I mean, getting diagnosed a year back when I was 18 was TECHNICALLY adulthood.), so as you can guess, that diagnosis process was nothing short of hell. Anyways, I'm pontificating on a useless point. My point was that I believe my issues with anger are definitely influenced by autism. As a teen, I learned to reign my anger in a little- as a kid, I must've been a hell to deal with at times. To be honest, I never really saw any beauty or talent within myself. As a kid, I was slightly more optimistic- but by the age of around 12, that completely disappeared. When I was about 12-13, I became a complete pessimist. From the age of around 13, my life just got progressively worse and worse. I developed suicidal thoughts at the age of 13. Starved myself on and off for a few years after 13. What completely pisses me off is the fact that I had loving parents. They love me a lot, even now, years later. I feel like such a dickhead. They did nothing but try to raise me well, yet I turned into this boiling mess of a human being. I'm a waste. I'm 19 years old, and I still live in my parents' house. Christ, I just wish to disappear. To whoever reads this, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
