Venting Been here for more than a year now ... Too chicken to ctb

[I screwed up]

I just realised I have been on this site for more than a yr ... I have seen people come and go , some have succeeded while some have at least attempted ctb .. I am a freakin gutless chicken I have not even attempted. My SI is what is holding me back . anyone else here over an year not yet attempted ctb as they don't have the courage to do it.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I haven't been on this forum very long, but I've wanted to kill myself since I was a teen.
So, over 30 years.
I'm too chicken, too.

 

[I screwed up]

People pl advice .. Need help to overcome fear and be more courageous ...
People pl advice .. Need help to overcome fear and be more courageous ...

 

[color_me_gone]

I am a freakin gutless chicken

no you're not!
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to ctb.

There are plenty of things to worry about:

• failing, where you screw yourself up, making life more miserable than it is now, and getting yourself in a position where you can't attempt to ctb again
• worry about what is on the other side, if there is an other side, will it be worse than being here
• worry about those who love you, and those you love, how it will hurt them

There are more, but those are the major three I have seen on this forum.
The general attitude on this forum is, if you can't go through with it, then you are not yet ready.
And that is OK!
Nobody here is keeping score.
There is no shame if you can't do it.
You are still welcome here.

Nobody here likes seeing anybody ctb, but we realize that if they absolutely need to, then we stand 100% behind them, because we feel they have a right to that choice.

Many (if not most) people stop participating in the forum without ctb.
I don't mean those who leave goodbye posts.

I have been here 1 yr 9 mo.
Right now, I don't feel the need to ctb, but I might in the future.
I stay on the forum because there are a lot of very nice people here.

 

[Ksab]

Are bro kaha tha, itne din se

 

[MrAsclepius]

Practice makes perfect.

 

[color_me_gone]

Most people can't tell you how to overcome your fears, because they can't even overcome their own fears.
About the most helpful advice I can think of is to medicate yourself before the event, such as a couple of shots of your favorite hard liquor, or an anxiety reducing drug like Xanax or others.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

About the most helpful advice I can think of is to medicate yourself before the event, such as a couple of shots of your favorite hard liquor

That depends on the method though. If someone wants to go by sn, then it is definitely not recommended to take any alcohol beforehand

 

[color_me_gone]

@worried_to_death
Thanks! I agree. ! didn't consider the methods
probably hold true with any chemicals / poisons methods.
my method is exit bag / inert gas, so I overlooked that.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

you're not a chicken for hesitating. ctb is a big decision. your si will always be there - it's (sadly) ingrained into everybody.

my advice would be to think about why death scares you. is it because you don't know what happens after death? is it because you're afraid of nothingness/going to hell? what i would do is try to challenge those thoughts. the unknown isn't inherently bad. nothingness is better than suffering. you don't know if you're going to hell. i don't know if those many any sense, but things like that.

 

[I screwed up]

Thanks guys for your kind words and advice ... The stay here keeps getting unbearable but I just don't seem to able to muster any courage ..

 

[bluejane]

I really think that you holding on makes you less of a chicken. You have fought through dark hours and maybe that means theres something coming for you that has kept you going through unbearable, stretching days.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

This is my personal point of view:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dont-be-afraid-of-death.47413/

 

[lobster salad]

I have attempted 3 times, all failed because I chickened out and broke down... I kept thinking I would fail ctb and live a worse life (because I fail everything so wouldn't it be natural if I failed ctb?) the last time I failed I was also worried and guilty, because I have a really sweet friend and she's so nice to me, i didn't wanna just leave her to suffer alone. I still text her almost everyday, and she's my hero, having her around distracts me from how disappointed i am with myself

 

[SuicideMonkey123]

Are bro kaha tha, itne din se

Aare DM kar, LoserinTown wala account delete ho gaya mera

 

[Ksab]

Aare DM kar, LoserinTown wala account delete ho gaya mera

DM available nhi h, thode bahut post kar

 

[I screwed up]

@SuicideMonkey123 good to see u here bhai, thought we lost u when ur ac was crossed out

 

[tidalwxves]

I just realised I have been on this site for more than a yr ... I have seen people come and go , some have succeeded while some have at least attempted ctb .. I am a freakin gutless chicken I have not even attempted. My SI is what is holding me back . anyone else here over an year not yet attempted ctb as they don't have the courage to do it.

Don't see yourself as a gutless chicken, see yourself as someone who survived! That is a beautiful thing. Just because we respect the decision of those that CTB doesn't mean it's the solution for every situation. Regardless of what decision you make please try to treat yourself with kindness. You don't have to die, don't force yourself to do something just because a certain amount of time has passed. This site isn't to make people CTB, its to present people with options. Living is definitely an option too!

I have attempted 3 times, all failed because I chickened out and broke down... I kept thinking I would fail ctb and live a worse life (because I fail everything so wouldn't it be natural if I failed ctb?) the last time I failed I was also worried and guilty, because I have a really sweet friend and she's so nice to me, i didn't wanna just leave her to suffer alone. I still text her almost everyday, and she's my hero, having her around distracts me from how disappointed i am with myself

I'm glad you have that friend, are you able to talk with her about your feelings? I'm sure she doesn't see you as a failure, I most certainly don't. I hope that in time you are able to be more gentle with yourself. If she's so cool and she enjoys your company guess what, that makes you cool too!

 

[lobster salad]

Don't see yourself as a gutless chicken, see yourself as someone who survived! That is a beautiful thing. Just because we respect the decision of those that CTB doesn't mean it's the solution for every situation. Regardless of what decision you make please try to treat yourself with kindness. You don't have to die, don't force yourself to do something just because a certain amount of time has passed. This site isn't to make people CTB, its to present people with options. Living is definitely an option too!

I'm glad you have that friend, are you able to talk with her about your feelings? I'm sure she doesn't see you as a failure, I most certainly don't. I hope that in time you are able to be more gentle with yourself. If she's so cool and she enjoys your company guess what, that makes you cool too!

She's cool, she said she enjoys my company... but I just feel like a failure all the time still. Can't think of anything I excel in, and it's not like I'm being too harsh with myself (I think). Would've already jumped by now if it wasn't for her listening to my nonstop problematic life. I'm just glad that at least someone listens to me currently, used to be a lot worse

 

[262653]

People pl advice .. Need help to overcome fear and be more courageous ...
People pl advice .. Need help to overcome fear and be more courageous ...

Isn't encouraging prohibited here?

 

[SuicideMonkey123]

Thanks for

@SuicideMonkey123 good to see u here bhai, thought we lost u when ur ac was crossed out

Thanks for your concern bro. I was a bit unstable, and I unsuccessfully tried to be better by deleting all my emails and deactivating all other accounts. Didn't work. In fact, the situation worsened. So here I am now.

When I ctb, I will have the username in my suicide note. Chill.

 

[Leshen]

There's nothing wrong with that, don't worry.
I've been lurking here since /r/sanctionesuicide days. CTB is probably the hardest decision to make, it takes time...

 

[okaoki]

on and off this site for 2 years now , i really hope to end it this year not that i had another choice

 

[BitterlyAlive]

you're not a chicken for hesitating. ctb is a big decision. your si will always be there - it's (sadly) ingrained into everybody.

my advice would be to think about why death scares you. is it because you don't know what happens after death? is it because you're afraid of nothingness/going to hell? what i would do is try to challenge those thoughts. the unknown isn't inherently bad. nothingness is better than suffering. you don't know if you're going to hell. i don't know if those many any sense, but things like that.

Another wonderful response!

 

[tidalwxves]

She's cool, she said she enjoys my company... but I just feel like a failure all the time still. Can't think of anything I excel in, and it's not like I'm being too harsh with myself (I think). Would've already jumped by now if it wasn't for her listening to my nonstop problematic life. I'm just glad that at least someone listens to me currently, used to be a lot worse

Life isn't a competition, we aren't here to find something we can win/be best the at. That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. You don't have to be "good" at anything to deserve to live. People will still care about you, like this friend. It's not about being talented, its about being kind. If you can do that you are a success.

 

[I screwed up]

There's nothing wrong with that, don't worry.
I've been lurking here since /r/sanctionesuicide days. CTB is probably the hardest decision to make, it takes time...

There r very few of us with 1+ yrs vintage ... But I get what u saying ..

 

[color_me_gone]

It's not about being talented, its about being kind.

EXACTLY!

 

[Invisible 73]

I just realised I have been on this site for more than a yr ... I have seen people come and go , some have succeeded while some have at least attempted ctb .. I am a freakin gutless chicken I have not even attempted. My SI is what is holding me back . anyone else here over an year not yet attempted ctb as they don't have the courage to do it.

Me! ‍
I'm really thinking more about how to do it this time though. More so than I ever have. I have a stock pile of extra anti depressants. And I figured if I add in a bottle of benadryl & swallow it all down w.some alcohol it would be a good way to go.

Last year when I joined I could have afforded to order sn, but never did. Now I have no income and have become such a burden. That at my age I just shouldn't be, to anyone.

It's still scary but I feel more empowered about doing it. Although I haven't set any plans in motion yet

I haven't been on this forum very long, but I've wanted to kill myself since I was a teen.
So, over 30 years.
I'm too chicken, too.

I remember as young as single digits age, wanting to go home, home. As in back to where we come from. Like my soul knew this planet, this human life wasn't my true home. I think I've been depressed my whole life

 

[color_me_gone]

I have a stock pile of extra anti depressants. And I figured if I add in a bottle of benadryl & swallow it all down w.some alcohol it would be a good way to go.

We here on SS respect everybody's right to ctb, but we don't like to seem them use things that will fail, and at the same time damage their bodies, making life worse than it is now.

The method you described will, in all likely hood fail, and a bottle of benadryl will mess up your organs. I'd rather you save up for SN. It is easily available from Amazon, and is not really that expensive.

 

[Invisible 73]

I have zero income