Venting Been here for more than a year now ... Too chicken to ctb

[color_me_gone]

I have zero income

There are methods which cost nothing to next to nothing, such as hanging or jumping.
I'd REALLY hate to see you mess yourself up with the method you propose.

 

[demuic]

Life isn't a competition, we aren't here to find something we can win/be best the at. That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. You don't have to be "good" at anything to deserve to live. People will still care about you, like this friend. It's not about being talented, its about being kind. If you can do that you are a success.

I wish someone had told me this when I was younger.

 

[mapletree]

I don't think someone should feel like obligated to sudoku just because they're at a forum like this, idk, for me I just like having the information and options open to me

 

[I screwed up]

Its not feeling of obligation to ctb but more feeling of helplessness at not having the necessary courage to attempt ctb. When I came to the site it was to find out and research the best way to ctb so I could go ahead and do it .. But now that I know what my method is I don't seem to have the balls to execute it ...

 

[Wayfaerer]

The pandemic is the only reason why I am here right now. This year will definitely be my last.

 

[Passersby]

Its not feeling of obligation to ctb but more feeling of helplessness at not having the necessary courage to attempt ctb. When I came to the site it was to find out and research the best way to ctb so I could go ahead and do it .. But now that I know what my method is I don't seem to have the balls to execute it ...

Hi I screwed up,
Instead of saying your not alone I'm going to say that I am on your side too buddy because I hate that damn saying!!! Ive heard it so many times. When someone is and has suffered for a long time its the last thing they want to hear. It's so run of the mill. Ive been here a long time too and am obviously still here because I'm typing this message and I dont think I would be responding from the grave however I would if I could. The best and only way to look at it would be that at least we have obtained good info and have our methods in place. That feels good at least. I remember before I had that part and I was more panicking and fearful because you have no method. So we are on a sinking ship together just waiting for that miracle or to take the plunge.

 

[kqlysrsly]

I wish someone had told me this when I was younger.

Why? Its a white lie.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I've been following this site for more than a year but only joined fairly recently. I wonder how my life would've been different if I had joined the community fully a year ago, rather than lurking in the shadows.

I haven't actually had an attempt since joining. The opportunity to share my voice and be heard by others has had such a positive impact on my quality of life. I still want to ctb, but I still feel more at peace, and not so lonely.

 

[Ready2GoNow]

This isn't a competition or race. Everyone here has different life experiences, mindsets, etc. It's perfectly ok to be here for 10 years without attempting. It's YOUR life, if you're not ready then you're not ready. Personally if I was gonna stick around for a year I'd get off this website and try to create a new life, one that's worth sticking around for. Cus if you're just sticking around but not changing anything, what's the point? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
Just my meaningless opinion
Good luck whatever you decide

 

[color_me_gone]

The opportunity to share my voice and be heard by others has had such a positive impact on my quality of life.

Ditto.
and with such an empathetic community!

 

[Superdeterminist]

In my opinion it's not a case of bravery/cowardice. The mind is absurdly complex, and living vs dying is a question of how much desperation, fear, anger, and motivation one feels at any one moment, and these are just a tiny fraction of all the factors involved. To simplify it to just 'bravery' is too reductive. Bravery is action despite feeling fear. Whilst suicide is scary for many, I think that some suicidal people aren't even scared when they commit the act, they may even feel a kind of peace, or maybe their last feelings are a kind of rage. Each individual case is very nuanced. If you ask me, living and dying are both frightening, perhaps equally so. But everyone will have their own unique perspective.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I've been here 6 months and already feel the same, but then again I have felt suicidal for years. Thing is suicide isn't passive. Suicide is a hard task, and if you're someone that already struggles to confront hard challenges then suicide won't be any easier than living.

 

[mapletree]

I'm here because things have been going downhill and I want information and options for when it gets worse. I'm not in the mood for like a competition to see who can die better or something

Also suicide is a lot of emotional and mental energy tbh

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Honestly I wish the join dates could be hidden. I have been here over a year. Same situation but I should have been dead already but my plan was ruined...im just biding time again. Ctb is one of if not the hardest thing someone could do. It takes lots of courage (I hate it when people say it's cowardly) I have seen a few people question long time members if they "really want to ctb and they should just recover already" but most people are kind and sympathetic.

 

[I screwed up]

I have zero income

Me too and my savings are dwindling fast ... I dont have the skillset to survive... I am really in a bad position

 

[nomorepainss]

i attempted once with nitrogen but failed

 

[I screwed up]

i attempted once with nitrogen but failed

Did u back out or the method failed as u were caught mid way?? Bhai Where did u get the apparatus rqd. ?

 

[nomorepainss]

Did u back out or the method failed as u were caught mid way?? Bhai Where did u get the apparatus rqd. ?

i abandoned that method while doing, it was not easy for me, now i changed to sn

 

[Stepheng7287]

I just realised I have been on this site for more than a yr ... I have seen people come and go , some have succeeded while some have at least attempted ctb .. I am a freakin gutless chicken I have not even attempted. My SI is what is holding me back . anyone else here over an year not yet attempted ctb as they don't have the courage to do it.

I've only been here a few weeks but I have a feeling ill be still here this time next year. I want out of this life so F'n bad. I have it all planned out and everything but it's just too scary. I never thought I'd be having these thoughts until I was an old man. Turns out 24's the new mid life crisis.

 

[throwaway123]

I feel the same way. I've been here way too long. I've seen waves of people come and go and I've been stuck. I still have hope that one day I'll find salvation.