Venting Back after a failed attempt and some hospitalization

[monstercatering]

Well let me say first off, was a very shortsighted attempt. I thought because I'd done enough research here that I was smart enough to die by overdose, so anyone reading this that hasn't been convinced just do not try overdose it is too inconsistent and the pain I was in in the hospital is the worst I've ever been in.
Otherwise I'm putting off CTBing for a while. I suffer from depression so I think my thoughts got too skewed and illogical because I was very surprised that there were people that cared about me. I don't want to live just to fulfill their wishes but if it will hurt my parents so much I'm going to try one last time to find some meaning in this life.
I'm in a confused spot. It's been just over 2 weeks since then so not too long, but I feel some pressure to make some progress if I'm going to keep living.
It's just hard after I sincerely thought I was going to be dead to just be put back into the world. Seems like everyone is fine if things just go back to the way they were before but I can't get myself to care at all because I believed that death is better than life and I'm just sticking around for my family. May move into recovery chat and ask people there but wanted to give this update first and that warning about OD.

 

[maniac116]

I'm glad you didn't physically or mentally disabled yourself!!
I made the same mistake 12 years ago. I crossed OD of any kind off my list in the future.
I hope you focus on recovery & are able to benefit from it.

 

[been__ready]

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you are still in good health!

I remember it being such a strange experience coming out of the hospital for the first time.. I am glad you have support.

It's hard to go back to normal after that. Especially after being so intent on a certain outcome.

I hope you are getting the help and healing you are searching for... If you still have hope after the attempt - I think it's important you continue to find meaning in life and continue to try. For yourself and for your family.

Thank you for the warning about OD. My initial attempt was by duct tape and needless to say it didn't work and in retrospect I was not thinking clearly..

Wishing you all the best. Hang in there..

 

[TheHolySword]

I am glad to hear that you are still in good health. I'm so sorry the pain has led you here. I know how distorted thoughts can get during depressive episodes, it can become so easy to let it all slip away. But if you can find reason to stay and care and keep trying, then you should. I hope that you find the peace you're looking for