At what age did you realize being born is a curse?

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

8

At that time I asked my mom why she didn't abort me. I still think that would have been better. Still here at 47 feeling obligated to those close to me.

 

[Dark Moon]

I haven't wanted to live since I was 10 years old, probably since then I wish I wasn't born.

 

[itsgone2]

Ok, I'm feeling ashamed for being a delusional for more than 3 decades, as I only realize life is shit - for me and some - and will continue being when I achieved 30, seeing that nothing special happened.

Don't feel bad. I've never enjoyed life, but only realized what a complete sham it is recently, and I'm in my 50s.
On one hand, slaving away for a hope to survive in retirement seems incredibly stupid. On the other I think the Amish have it way more figured out than we do. They work a lot, and everyone works, but the community supports each other, live off the land, relatively few illnesses.
In comparison, corporate rat race is incredibly stupid.

 

[Irisse]

I was 12.

 

[woodlandcreature]

When I was 5, I started praying I'd get cancer and die. I wasn't conscious enough then to phrase it like that, of course, but I do think that's where that kind of mentality started for me. By 8, I was actively suicidal so that'd be my second guess.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

11.

 

[ABadPerson]

There was never a specific turning point, as my life always sucked and my single mother made sure to let me know how much of it was my fault.

 

[Michelstaedter]

It's hard to remember exactly when, since I was depressed or fearful when I was around 11 or 12 years old. As a child, maybe around 9 or 10, I used to be afraid of the death of a loved one or my own, so I don't know if you could say I saw life as a curse. However, seeing people suffering and knowing that life is complicated and that I would end up where I am now (NEET and depressed), it was when I was about 15 or 16 years old.

 

[TheHolySword]

Being born isn't a curse. Living with what comes after is the curse. I brought joy and laughter and warmth to people. I was afforded the opportunity to love and be loved. I think it was a blessing that I could. The curse is that despite it all, I still want to die. Knowing my peace will be their suffering.

 

[Eudaimonic]

When I was as young as 6-7, I recall wishing I had not been born (this is reasonably common according to Sarah Perry). However, I didn't realize how awful existence truly was until I was around 14.

 

[Namelesa]

like age 17 (the time when my first relationship ended) is the point where I would say me being born was a curse as then I learned about anti-natilism then

tho at age 8 and I was thinking "every year gets worse" so maybe I thought living was a curse too seeing as I would have to go through more stressful classes in school to then having to do even more work with a job and also having to see my body become something I was less comfortable with as I grew up (tho this last part has been solved thanks to transition.

 

[unluckysadness]

At 10yo when I was put in a boarding school by my father and I was molested by other children and teachers. Today these teachers should go in jail. But I didn't file a claim because I didn't have the energy and now it's too late (judicial prescription).
I realized at 10 that human being can be evil. That's why I've been alone all my life. As a lot of people here, my childhood was stolen, then my teen years, then my adult years and now I'm a poor isolated disabled middle aged guy who just talks with his cat and his mother. So pathetic, but I'm not the only one who is destroyed by other.

 

[LetMeOut67]

Mid teens
Realised that life is nothing but a beauty contest pretty much
And if you don't meet the looks standards you had better be tough or smart

 

[sanction]

Weirdly, more recently. I've had ideation since the age of 10. I've felt I wanted out of life pretty much all of it. I resented and then hated the actuality of wage slavery by my mid teens. But even then, I was so focussed on trying to improve my situation that I didn't have the level of resentment I have now. Anti-natilist views were present by my late twenties. But the full blown resentment at having been born into wage slavery has only really flared up the past few years- I'm 45 now.

I think partly because my Mum died when I was 3. Most of my life has been spent cherishing her memory- or rather, the idea of her. I was too young to remember much. It's really comparitively recently that I've begun to question what on earth they thought they were doing bringing me here.

I'm grateful of that gap though. It's not pleasant to live with this level of resentment. It's not like it achieves anything. Asides from ensuring I didn't pass the curse on to any children. Although- that was more down to me being too uggly to attract anyone. But, it's not an easy thing to hide now. Now and again, my resentment and frustration towards life and having been born bubbles over.

I could relate in some ways. For me it started around 30, when the true resentment began.

Also during my teens, when I had my first jobs, I realized I hated working, but ended up being way too busy and focused to try making more money, I thought maybe one day could get rich, break free from rat race, and could potentially enjoy life at that point.

Once that didn't happen, reality started to hit hard, as many hopes and dreams became shattered.

As one problem after another began to happen, it shook me to my core, and woke me up from my fantasy.

Now realize we are stuck in hell, stuck slaving our lives away, as we just slowly decay. Then as we age, we just become more and more invisible in society, as if we're thrown to the side and forgotten.

I'm grateful this community exist. At least we can rant here, and find people that relate. Otherwise the journey would be extra lonely and difficult

 

[Pale_Rider]

Pretty early on. Humanity is a ceasepool

 

[rustcohle4life]

At what age did you finally wake up from reality, and realize we all just come here to fulfill our parent's personal wishes, and mainly just stuck here to work and pay bills, rely on ourselves to solve all sorts of problems, while slowly decay and decline towards old age, just to eventually die??

Probably in my mid 20's when my brain reached full maturity.

I wouldn't even mind work and bills if there was some purpose to it. If there really was a god looking after you and keeping and eye on things. If getting married and starting a family was rewarding. If there was a way to actually fix problems and not let the past ruin the present. If suffering and trauma actually made you a better person in the end and not merely destroy you. If there wasn't serial killers, psychopaths, rapists, pedos, and all sorts of assorted freaks walking the earth. If humans weren't such jealous, meddling, cruel, homicidal, genocidal, tribal, irrational, backstabbing freaks.

They want me to look at all that and still have the desire to contribute to society? I'm simply too aware to enjoy all this. And no, none of your bullshit religions make any sense.

I wouldn't mind the bad days if it all made sense, but none of it does. I often look around and ask, what the fuck is this? Sometimes i wonder if i'm surrounded by npc zombies. I don't think so, probably just people who haven't realized how fucked it all is. Meanwhile, humans who think this is all fine and dandy continue to bring more children into the world. If there is an afterlife, there better be some serious explanations for this shit.

 

[TAW122]

I think I realized that around my teenage years, not sure exactly when but that being born and what not just wasn't something I wanted nor asked for. I never got really deep until I reached adulthood that being born and having all the problems that come with sentience was a chore. After such a realization, I've also embraced antinatalist philosophy with regards to procreation (Note: This doesn't mean that I go out to debate or push a narrative or philosophy, I am merely exercising my right to not have offspring or procreate).

 

[annxietty]

16-17

 

[sanction]

Probably in my mid 20's when my brain reached full maturity.

I wouldn't even mind work and bills if there was some purpose to it. If there really was a god looking after you and keeping and eye on things. If getting married and starting a family was rewarding. If there was a way to actually fix problems and not let the past ruin the present. If suffering and trauma actually made you a better person in the end and not merely destroy you. If there wasn't serial killers, psychopaths, rapists, pedos, and all sorts of assorted freaks walking the earth. If humans weren't such jealous, meddling, cruel, homicidal, genocidal, tribal, irrational, backstabbing freaks.

They want me to look at all that and still have the desire to contribute to society? I'm simply too aware to enjoy all this. And no, none of your bullshit religions make any sense.

I wouldn't mind the bad days if it all made sense, but none of it does. I often look around and ask, what the fuck is this? Sometimes i wonder if i'm surrounded by npc zombies. I don't think so, probably just people who haven't realized how fucked it all is. Meanwhile, humans who think this is all fine and dandy continue to bring more children into the world. If there is an afterlife, there better be some serious explanations for this shit.

Agreed. I would be more okay with all the stress that comes from survival and making money, had there been more meaning in life or a deeper purpose, just to help balance things out.

Unfortunately, it's literally if you don't grind your soul away, you will simply starve to death or end up homeless on the streets.

And then despite all these efforts, you are still guaranteed to die in the end, amongst an endless list of other bullshit that comes with life.

That's when I finally woke up and realize it's simply not worth it, and desperately want to give up, because it's pure torture.

(By the way, you summed up life and worded it out extremely well. Props on that. Hope more people would understand this. Unfortunately that's not the case)

 

[paradox_panic]

At what age did you finally wake up from reality, and realize we all just come here to fulfill our parent's personal wishes, and mainly just stuck here to work and pay bills, rely on ourselves to solve all sorts of problems, while slowly decay and decline towards old age, just to eventually die??

Around 14. I had suffered a ton of abuse and struggling with why I was here. Thats when it hit me like a train.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I guess I should have said I was very numb from a very early age. When I did wake up, and start maturing again in my 20s yes. The coldness of reality was inbeded in my soul, and instincts.