Yes. It's sad to say. However I am at peace with it. Although I am very much aware it's going to cause unimaginable pain to the ones I love. I have had mental health issues since 8. I am now 24. I have suffered for so long , I don't even remember what happiness feels like anymore . Things have not got better in fact its got worse, uncontrollably worse. This Is not my first rodeo however I am Hoping it will be my last. I've tried so many ways since 16 , pathetic attempts but then I got serious about it. Two times I should of passed. One landing me in the trauma ward, there I went into respiratory depression. I felt warmth and saw nothing , just darkness and since that day I have been at complete peace with death. Why now tho ? I've been told by drs there is nothing they can do , I cant seek treatment either. But even if I could would that change my mind at this point. I don't think so. I am ready when I do , do it. I am waiting for my birthday to be over and done with , that will be my final goodbye to the ones I love. I want them to remember me as some smiley person , the persona/act I have perfected , I guess being a trained actor helps.
