Yes I am at peace with the idea of ending my life.
The thought of not having to live with the pain anymore fills me with peace and I just feel so done with life.
Also part of me feels like my suicide will be like a parting statement.
I know it sounds bitter but its like I am turning around and saying to life YOU HAPPY NOW? YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED? YOU TOOK AWAY ALL MY CHANCES AND HAPPINESS SO FINE, TAKE MY LIFE!
I know its not much but I do feel a sense of satisfaction with that.
Now also, there is is that sense of "but what if life gets better?" and yes that has made it difficult for me to go through with it.
After all if JK Rowling had gone through with suicide (she openly talked about the temptation to end her life when she was in the lowest point of her life) then we would never have had Harry Potter and she would not have become such a successful writer, if Sanders had gone through with his suicide then he would never had set up KFC, if Juliet Lewis had gone through with it then she would never had become a successful actress and various other examples.
However, I don't have youth on my side anymore.
If I was younger then I might keep trying but the older you get the harder it is to believe that life will get better.
So, yes I am at peace with it.
The thought of having to keep living with my past is far more frightening and unpleasant than the thought of death so I will great death as a friend.
It's the only alternative I have to get rid of the pain of being a human failure. I stay at peace when I think of death
You and me both friend.