Are you at the "point of no return" with ctb ?

[Retched]

Yes. I have already had a failed attempt which left me with a broken spine and leg and scars... every second I am desperate to end it but have not had the means yet. And I am terrified of the same thing happening again, it not succeeding and leaving me in an even worse situation

I totally understand failed attempt limbo. Sorry to hear about your physical problems. Mine are more material problems (hospital bills and a destroyed car from the paramedics.)

 

[YellowJasmine]

Yes. I have already had a failed attempt which left me with a broken spine and leg and scars... every second I am desperate to end it but have not had the means yet. And I am terrified of the same thing happening again, it not succeeding and leaving me in an even worse situation

Wow, this is a tough place to be in, I'm sorry it happened to you!

On my own behalf - I have no other way to go. It will be my last chance at leaving this place with just a little bit of dignity - by my own choice and doing.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I don't even want to say yes but I feel like my hand is being forced. I am really sick and almost bed bound. I can't do another year of this.

 

[Alex]

I'm definitely not. It may sound weird, but I really want to get married in life, for personal and religious reasons. But that's really the only thing stopping me from ctb. After I eventually get married, I will most likely kill myself (unless everything magically gets better, but I doubt it will) and I won't have children so that won't be a reason to live at that point either. If I get old enough and I'm still single, then I'll probably kill myself anyway. But those are both years away, so things could change, but I've had this plan off/on since I was 12, so we'll see.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Actually, no. I'm still holding out hope for my situation to get better, because I do feel like there's a very real possibility that it can and will. In fact, I have relatively high hopes that it will. It's just, all the hope for the future in the world does very little to console me, because my feelings are based entirely on the present. So basically, I believe things will get better, but I'm still gonna be miserable until/unless they do, and if they don't by mid January, I'm gonna ctb.

I admire you for having hope that things will get better. It something I wish I could believe myself. Kudos to you for still believing in a better situation.

 

[wildisthewind]

It's 3:00 AM. I'm wide awake. I want to right now. I'm still wrestling with the finality of things. I'm still wrestling with the only method I go back to, which is waiting on the side of the road for a semi truck. This means I'd mess up some random stranger's life, not to mention the massive toll this would take on my family. I then think about the massive pain I'm in, and how I've lost everything I cherish. This is hell.

 

[therhydler]

It's 3:00 AM. I'm wide awake. I want to right now. I'm still wrestling with the finality of things. I'm still wrestling with the only method I go back to, which is waiting on the side of the road for a semi truck. This means I'd mess up some random stranger's life, not to mention the massive toll this would take on my family. I then think about the massive pain I'm in, and how I've lost everything I cherish. This is hell.

That was my method too, though not really planned... unfortunately I'm still here... Though maybe its because I had a really healthy and flexible body from years of training... I hope you get out of that hell, by whatever means it will take and find peace

 

[wildisthewind]

That was my method too, though not really planned... unfortunately I'm still here... Though maybe its because I had a really healthy and flexible body from years of training... I hope you get out of that hell, by whatever means it will take and find peace

I'd read above that you have some serious physical issues. Did you survive a hit from a truck? That is truly devastating. I'm sorry (not for you being alive, but for the suffering.)

I know I don't want to die. I just don't want....this, and it may take dying to accomplish it.

 

[stargazer]

Thankfully yes, I have been off/on for the last 4 years. But I know nothing's going to stop me from CTB'ing.

If I don't do it now at 24, I'll still do it some day. Hopefully still just as painless a method.

Talk about true determination here, huh?

 

[Politecat]

Sorta-ish I lost my girlfriend a couple months back, I lost all my friends since most of them were all my girlfriend's friends. To make matter worse, the friends who I did keep ended up either leaving me or have been telling me to CTB.

 

[Louise]

I've been past the ponr for a long time now - about seven years. I'm 56 and consider that I've given life my best shot. Too bad that my best shot sucked lol. Now only survival instinct stands in my way - that and the current lack of N. I will be limping on for a while though. Getting older has already hit me hard, how much worse in the 70's and 80's.

 

[Jodes]

Well, I´m not feeling right now as "No return" point, but rather a "Accept myself if it happens" point. Let me explain:
Before, specially after the suicide of a friend, I was nervous, moralist and preventionist about taking own life. I was fearful about myself, and I blame me everytime when I think about CTB.
Today, I accept it as a possibility. I don´t have any plans, but when I CTB, certainly I will be more peaceful for doing it.

Why the change?

 

[YukiFox]

Why the change?

I think I'm tired and indifferent with life now. I'm on my 30's and I have some constant fears about being homeless, trapped on my incapacity of being hired on a decent job and I regret a lot about most of my life decisions.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

I'm definitely not. It may sound weird, but I really want to get married in life, for personal and religious reasons. But that's really the only thing stopping me from ctb. After I eventually get married, I will most likely kill myself (unless everything magically gets better, but I doubt it will) and I won't have children so that won't be a reason to live at that point either. If I get old enough and I'm still single, then I'll probably kill myself anyway. But those are both years away, so things could change, but I've had this plan off/on since I was 12, so we'll see.

As someone who is married, I can say that while it's nice to have someone, love isn't a cure-all. I have a wonderful husband, and I still struggle with wanting to ctb on an almost daily basis. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm tired of fighting with my own mind (and 5 years of time and money being put towards doctors, therapists, and meds aren't helping).

Only reason I'm here is because I'm afraid to hurt him.

 

[Jodes]

As someone who is married, I can say that while it's nice to have someone, love isn't a cure-all. I have a wonderful husband, and I still struggle with wanting to ctb on an almost daily basis. I don't want to hurt him, but I'm tired of fighting with my own mind (and 5 years of time and money being put towards doctors, therapists, and meds aren't helping).

Only reason I'm here is because I'm afraid to hurt him.

I flick between that and prepping myself to do it, I just can't leave her alone

 

[Tyuiop]

I still have hope in the mornings, in the evenings I just want to lie down and fall asleep forever. But I have stopped my antipsychotic(abilify) now and I feel a bit better, the periods when I feel okay are getting longer. And I bought my rope and started seriously considering that maybe I have to live a bit longer. I believe I will eventually ctb, but maybe there is something to live for a bit longer... So I'm 50/50 now, most probably going to get better, then get worse...

 

[15dec]

I'm going to ctb eventually. Whether it's my planned date, a few days or weeks after, maybe even months. For now I'm taking things one day at a time, coming to terms with my life and my passing and making preparations for when I'm gone.

 

[Jodes]

I wanted to make more long term preparations but it feels like stalling, I'm on a roller coaster ride, quickly feeling more and more desire to ctb again, fed up if all this shit. I'm tired. I don't feel like making preparations in the slightest. vent over

 

[Lara Francis]

I am living in that half way stage when your life can swing either way depending on others decisions.
It' frustrating!

 

[vacuums]

I am, but it's only a question of when. I want to survive for as long as possible, for my family and in some way, for the part of me that wants to survive. I don't know if it will be in a week, a month, or 5 years from now. But it will happen by my own doing.

 

[Lara Francis]

Welcome to the forum vacuums.

 

[ausboy96]

I don't know when I'm going to do it, but it's definitely how I'm going to die. It could be next year or next decade, but no way am I living to die of old age.

 

[J Tizzle]

I can relate to so many posts on here... thank you all for sharing how you feel. Makes me feel less alone.

I'm thinking about ctb daily. Right now life is okay - I live on a friends couch, I'm in pain but not too much pain, and I'm working part-time on my computer. I know I haven't committed myself to ctb yet because I'm still going to doctors appointments and physical therapy and I signed up for health insurance next year. But life is going to change dramatically come February when I dont have this couch to live on anymore. I guess I've still got some hope that something will happen before then, and I've got a fear of dying. But if my life situation doesn't improve over the next month and a half, I need to get okay with dying and find the strength to go through with this.

 

[Kingkelly]

I wanted to make more long term preparations but it feels like stalling, I'm on a roller coaster ride, quickly feeling more and more desire to ctb again, fed up if all this shit. I'm tired. I don't feel like making preparations in the slightest. vent over

Yes life is like a roller coaster and I want to get off or I'm gonna throw up. Vent away.

 

[15dec]

I can relate to so many posts on here... thank you all for sharing how you feel. Makes me feel less alone.

I'm thinking about ctb daily. Right now life is okay - I live on a friends couch, I'm in pain but not too much pain, and I'm working part-time on my computer. I know I haven't committed myself to ctb yet because I'm still going to doctors appointments and physical therapy and I signed up for health insurance next year. But life is going to change dramatically come February when I dont have this couch to live on anymore. I guess I've still got some hope that something will happen before then, and I've got a fear of dying. But if my life situation doesn't improve over the next month and a half, I need to get okay with dying and find the strength to go through with this.

Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time right now. I hope things can improve for you, if not I'm wishing you a peaceful journey when the time comes. Sending you hugs

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I feel a lot closer to it now. I should have done it years ago. I'm a joke.

I feel the same :(

 

[LostGirl]

Absolutely. I have tried EVERYTHING under the sun to get well. suicide is my only option.

 

[vacuums]

Welcome to the forum vacuums.

thank you!

 

[DeletedUser4739]

I don't even want to say yes but I feel like my hand is being forced. I am really sick and almost bed bound. I can't do another year of this.

From my bed to yours...may next year be spent in a different position.

 

[Boonks]

Yes, but I feel so trapped. I wish there was an easy way out. It's been six months of being determined to kill myself but unable to. My only method is jumping and I can't bring myself to do it. I'm running out of time as I said I would be dead by now. My story is very complicated but involves a drug induced psychosis that lasted from January to May of last year and when I woke up to the consequences of my actions, I couldn't cope. I destroyed my life and continue to do so everyday. I just need it to end now. Is there any new ingenious method that maybe hasn't be discussed already? I'm really desperate at this point

Wow. We have the same story.