Venting Are things still happening in your life that reaffirm that this is the right decision?

[ChildrensITV]

It's weird. Sometimes I am 90% on whether I should CTB and then something happens and I'm like: "Well, I guess it's really a foregone conclusion. Back up to 100%. The only one who can't see it is me. It's pretty much destiny". I guess I should see the positive: the more that my decision gets reaffirmed, the less chance there is of me backing out.

This is a decision I took almost 20 years ago. I have given my life 2 decades to come right. It didn't. I have to fix it myselff. Haven't I given it enough time to come right?

 

[Traveler VII]

It's weird. Sometimes I am 90% on whether I should CTB and then something happens and I'm like: "Well, I guess it's really a foregone conclusion. Back up to 100%. The only one who can't see it is me. It's pretty much destiny". I guess I should see the positive: the more that my decision gets reaffirmed, the less chance there is of me backing out.

This is a decision I took almost 20 years ago. I have given my life 2 decades to come right. It didn't. I have to fix it myselff. Haven't I given it enough time to come right?

An interesting perspective, and one that we share.

You're being patient with yourself, which I feel is commendable; a hastily-made decision seldom ends well.

I've been grappling with the same choice for roughly the same period of time, grasping at certain "carrots" that I feel might make the chase worthwhile, only to be hit with feelings of intense demoralization and utter futility for increasingly lengthy periods.

Though it's certainly not ideal, I'm glad that this site still exists as something of a refuge for those of us whose struggles could be met with punitive measures if voiced elsewhere.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case simply just existing here in this world makes me aware of the fact that to not exist is the more preferable option. Suicide is all that could ever feel right, wanting suicide is what is perfectly logical in this hellish world, as in fact suicide is self care as it removes the source of all suffering and solves all problems. Existing is what feels wrong instead, it's something so useless and unnecessary that I don't want anything to do with. It's a curse having the ability to suffer.

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

Yes, Ive took this desicion over 5 years ago. I didnt really give time to myself, Im just waiting for the right moment to come.

 

[NambaSutra]

My but life isn't really changing for me anymore. (I'm over 40). I'm just stuck here and it's not realistic to change anything that could make things better, also with my mental and physical health problems I just can't. I don't have the energy to move much anymore, certainly not to move to a new place or get away from the toxic people I live with.
My life sucked when I was in my 20s and 30s too but at least I had more energy for changing my life, hobbies, etc. I don't have that anymore.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What reaffirms my decision to CTB is that NOTHING is happening in my life, nor has anything happened in nearly 30 years that makes life worth living.