Anyone else like how they look and find it hard to ctb because it feels wasteful?

[Ambivalent1]

I wanted to wait until middle age when one's appearance starts to fade. I often see in the comment section of news articles relating to suicide "She was so beautiful. Why would she kill herself?" I'm a guy so it's a bit different, but I think the concept still applies where good looking people are supposed to do well. My OCD is a big part of it. I spend a lot of time grooming, picking the right foods, etc.

 

[face]

I used to feel that way. Then it started getting me into actual trouble so now I mainly see it as a bother. 19 years with a nice face hasn't done me any good, it hasn't contributed anything to anyone in any way, and I'm sure the next 10 won't be any different. I'll either be the girl who was pretty when she was young or the girl who was pretty when she was alive, but miserable either way, so why drag it out? A brilliant mind is a much greater loss, in my opinion. Can't even compare the two.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I used to feel that way. Then it started getting me into actual trouble so now I mainly see it as a bother. 19 years with a nice face hasn't done me any good, it hasn't contributed anything to anyone in any way, and I'm sure the next 10 won't be any different. I'll either be the girl who was pretty when she was young or the girl who was pretty when she was alive, but miserable either way, so why drag it out? A brilliant mind is a much greater loss, in my opinion. Can't even compare the two.

What do you mean into trouble?

Yeah the inner experience trumps everything. Applies to how one is viewed by others as well. I appear to others how I wish I felt on the inside. I appear in control, not anxious, etc, but if the internal (all that matters really) is awful, then the outside doesn't matter either. It seems the idea of me is worthwhile to others, but internally I can't compete with it.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I used to feel that way. Then it started getting me into actual trouble so now I mainly see it as a bother. 19 years with a nice face hasn't done me any good, it hasn't contributed anything to anyone in any way, and I'm sure the next 10 won't be any different. I'll either be the girl who was pretty when she was young or the girl who was pretty when she was alive, but miserable either way, so why drag it out? A brilliant mind is a much greater loss, in my opinion. Can't even compare the two.

I share the same feeling, it's not about my looks or confidence. My intelligence and years of medical experience would fade into obscurity if I decided to ctb. I can't help but feel down about that. Life can be tough sometimes. I wish we could find ways to reduce suffering and make positive changes in the world.

 

[face]

What do you mean into trouble?

Yeah the inner experience trumps everything. Applies to how one is viewed by others as well. I appear to others how I wish I felt on the inside. I appear in control, not anxious, etc, but if the internal (all that matters really) is awful, then the outside doesn't matter either.

The last time I remember being even remotely flattered to have my appearance pointed out was around age 11, maybe? Being called beautiful by family friends whenever they'd come over for dinner or getting notes passed to me in class. Innocent stuff. Then came the cat-calling (12), brazenly pervy teachers (14), waiting for the bus in the middle of winter, and being approached by an old guy asking me to follow him to a public bathroom and give him a blowjob for money (15) and so on. Getting into fights with girls I'd been friends with for years because someone's ex-boyfriend mentioned me to someone. I think this and other similar things turned me against the idea of human contact altogether. Nowadays I just want to be left alone and I find even sweet and kind confessions appaling (though I'd never show it). So, yeah, troublesome in general.

People who aren't attractive desire good looks because they think it's going to grant them instant happiness. Same way others desire money, or intelligence, etc. And those people definitely have a point. But it's not a golden ticket.

I share the same feeling, it's not about my looks or confidence. My intelligence and years of medical experience would fade into obscurity if I decided to ctb. I can't help but feel down about that. Life can be tough sometimes. I wish we could find ways to reduce suffering and make positive changes in the world.

That definitely seems like more of a dilemma. Like Omelas or the trolley problem. Lives being improved and saved at the suffering of one person... I'm sincerely sorry you have to carry that burden.

 

[shantyizlit]

The last time I remember being even remotely flattered to have my appearance pointed out was around age 11, maybe? Being called beautiful by family friends whenever they'd come over for dinner or getting notes passed to me in class. Innocent stuff. Then came the cat-calling (12), brazenly pervy teachers (14), waiting for the bus in the middle of winter, and being approached by an old guy asking me to follow him to a public bathroom and give him a blowjob for money (15) and so on. Getting into fights with girls I'd been friends with for years because someone's ex-boyfriend mentioned me to someone. I think this and other similar things turned me against the idea of human contact altogether. Nowadays I just want to be left alone and I find even sweet and kind confessions appaling (though I'd never show it). So, yeah, troublesome in general.

People who aren't attractive desire good looks because they think it's going to grant them instant happiness. Same way others desire money, or intelligence, etc. And those people definitely have a point. But it's not a golden ticket.

That definitely seems like more of a dilemma. Like Omelas or the trolley problem. Lives being improved and saved at the suffering of one person... I'm sincerely sorry you have to carry that burden.

Being a handsome guy on the other hand was never really troubling. People just treat me nicer. Also women actually look at me.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Being a handsome guy on the other hand was never really troubling. People just treat me nicer. Also women actually look at me.

But no success with women?

Yeah they do but Ive always been suspicious of nice people because of childhood abuse so I suppose the benefit of being attractive was wasted since I couldn't appreciate it.

And I wrongly thought nice people were genuinely good people until I saw them interact with others less attractive.

 

[Meditation guide]

Being an attractive female is both a curse and a blessing. It opens up a lot of doors and opportunities, lots of nice experiences but also getting targeted a lot. An attractive woman has to be smart and realize as a wise older man told me so crudely "everyone is going to take a shot at you" so put your efforts into education and career.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Being an attractive female is both a curse and a blessing. It opens up a lot of doors and opportunities, lots of nice experiences but also getting targeted a lot. An attractive woman has to be smart and realize as a wise older man told me so crudely "everyone is going to take a shot at you" so put your efforts into education and career.

You get targeted every day?

 

[shantyizlit]

But no success with women?

Yeah they do but Ive always been suspicious of nice people because of childhood abuse so I suppose the benefit of being attractive was wasted since I couldn't appreciate it.

And I wrongly thought nice people were genuinely good people until I saw them interact with others less attractive.

But no success with women?

No I'm too much of a gargantuan autist although it is often clear they are attracted to my appearance.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yes, I am tall and good looking and sometimes I feel bad because lots of people struggle with their physical appearance. But my mental illness is just too much now. Wish I could give my body to someone who would appreciate it.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

I like my appearance a lot. It's what's on the inside that's irreparably fucked sadly.
Sometimes I imagine someone who has my exact body but doesn't have a defective brain.

My appearance is one of many things that I will unfortunately have to dispose of. But it needs to be done, there isn't anything else I can do.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I like my appearance a lot. It's what's on the inside that's irreparably fucked sadly.
Sometimes I imagine someone who has my exact body but doesn't have a defective brain.

My appearance is one of many things that I will unfortunately have to dispose of. But it needs to be done, there isn't anything else I can do.

It's a tragedy. I could stare into my eyes forever and die in the process like Narcissus.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Only in terms of- it's a real shame I won't be able to donate my organs to help people who really want to live. It's awful that some people are cripled with health issues but could otherwise enjoy life yet- likely, a number of us are reasonably healthy but want to throw our bodies away.

In terms of attractiveness though- no- I don't have that problem, I'm not attractive. For me- it's more the embarassment that someone is going to have to deal with my ugly corpse.

 

[Oncologynurz123]

Only in terms of- it's a real shame I won't be able to donate my organs to help people who really want to live. It's awful that some people are cripled with health issues but could otherwise enjoy life yet- likely, a number of us are reasonably healthy but want to throw our bodies away.

In terms of attractiveness though- no- I don't have that problem, I'm not attractive. For me- it's more the embarassment that someone is going to have to deal with my ugly corpse.

I also feel absolutely terrible about this. I've watched so many suffer and die and go to the most painful extremes just to hang on to life for a few more days, and here I am wanting to throw away my perfectly healthy body. It riddles me with guilt.