Anyone else know their attempt will be impulsive?

[disasterplant]

I've given up on planning a date because I know there is no point for me.

I have impulsive tendencies linked to emotional outbursts- essentially one hour I can feel fine and normal and the next I can have a loaded gun to my head with intent to pull the trigger.

Due to my patterns, I've come to the conclusion my future attempt will not be planned, and probably not peaceful since it will probably be done out of a burst of despair and rage.

Curious if anyone else has realized this? Maybe still have plans and/or a set date despite impulsivity?

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I don't have a date. Will just go with the flow. When I'll be abused again (which I'll), that's when I'll take the next step.

I know my committing to it will be impulsive as I don't want to die, but I don't have any other options either so I'll have to force it. That's why I'll pick up rope today.

 

[venerated-vader]

I have a range. I'm pretty sure around the timeframe I've chosen I'll be inconsolably upset. So its very likely I'll reach that point.

 

[Anonymousa]

I don't see the point of planning it around a date for me as I don't care when my death happens as long as it happens soon. I know I probably won't get though SI and my low pain tolerance to kill myself with willpower and my logic alone so I need something else to push me so I will definitely be ctbing when I experience a strong impulsive urge from intense mental pain. For me this decision hasn't been thought up impulsively as I been thinking this for quite a long time and know logically its whats best for me, its just I need my emotions to finally get through the fear of pain to get what I want.

 

[slightoverlooked]

same here...my suicidal breakdowns can be 1 hour long or a whole day so even if i decide to do it impulsively if its a long breakdown it will be enough to fast and then drink the SN

 

[WhySoSad55555]

For me this decision hasn't been thought up impulsively as I been thinking this for quite a long time and know logically its whats best for me, its just I need my emotions to finally get through the fear of pain to get what I want.

I can relate to this. I also try to remember all the bad experiences and embarrassing mistakes I've made as motivation for me to ctb.

 

[zixd]

If I had the méthode or only a rope , on an impulsive time I will do it

 

[charcoalcat]

If you have a date you tend to grow anxious as the date draws nearer, by the day itself you become so anxious you're unable to do it. If you don't have a date and depend on impulsivity, you tend to procrastinate because truly desperate impulsivity is rare. So what's the better option?

 

[SunriseParabellum]

I set a hard date once and ended up dropping out of college as a result because "fuck it, why waste my last couple weeks"
Bitched out (not to disparage anyone else ever choosing life I've just seen myself as a coward since because I had no reason to do so) and had to scramble to pull my life together since I obviously flunked all my classes and dumped my GPA and such. No more hard dates, I exist on the edge and one day the push will come. I just do my best to help the people around me and keep myself afloat until I finally truly hit the breaking point

 

[ForestGhost]

The whole anxiety around setting a date seemed to really stir up the what-ifs and second thoughts when I did it last time. Whenever I do end up CTBing, I'm pretty sure it will be just about as impulsive as the SN protocol allows.

 

[FoxSauce]

For me it cam also be done impulsively. I can be fine then a bad event happens and boom i wanna cbt. Childish I know

But theres times I just want out from all the stress

 

[cherrycoke]

I had a hard date set but was getting anxious and emotionally upset planning it. I know I won't make it to the new year and that's enough for now. I have my method prepared. I'd like to make it through Halloween but if I need to ctb sooner, I'm prepared.

 

[NoHalfMeasures]

Relatable. My mood and desire to live can change in a heartbeat, so I feel like my CTB will be impulsive as well, which is why I'm hesitant on getting SN. However, I'm also afraid of missing my chance to buy SN since sources can't be guaranteed to stick around forever (like DMC, though I know it has a new site now.)

I'm hoping I can work on being less impulsive and attempt to address the things that cause me intense suicidal thoughts. Still a bit scared to buy SN due to the impulsive tendencies as well as the wellness checks.

 

[x22]

IIRC an overwhelming majority of attempts are impulsive. It's so hard to attempt even in crisis; I can't imagine psyching yourself up for it beforehand.

 

[thetruetato]

I've given up on planning a date because I know there is no point for me.

I have impulsive tendencies linked to emotional outbursts- essentially one hour I can feel fine and normal and the next I can have a loaded gun to my head with intent to pull the trigger.

Due to my patterns, I've come to the conclusion my future attempt will not be planned, and probably not peaceful since it will probably be done out of a burst of despair and rage.

Curious if anyone else has realized this? Maybe still have plans and/or a set date despite impulsivity?

Because I lack a painless/straightforward way of ending myself (if I had access to a gun I would already be dead), I find it likely that eventually I will get into a situation bad enough that I can override SI and die in some painful/violent manner. For that reason, I will probably not be planning when I do it, it will just happen whenever I have the courage/motivation to.

 

[_Maya]

i'm too indecisive to pick a date, i just know one day sooner or later i'll ctb

 

[outrider567]

I've given up on planning a date because I know there is no point for me.

I have impulsive tendencies linked to emotional outbursts- essentially one hour I can feel fine and normal and the next I can have a loaded gun to my head with intent to pull the trigger.

Due to my patterns, I've come to the conclusion my future attempt will not be planned, and probably not peaceful since it will probably be done out of a burst of despair and rage.

Curious if anyone else has realized this? Maybe still have plans and/or a set date despite impulsivity?

It will definitely be impulsive, with no rage but plenty of despair--With Nitrogen, there is no preparation needed, you just put the hood on, open the tank, and turn the flowmeter to 25 lpm, that's it