Discussion Anyone else in their early 20s who have completely given up on life?

[BrokenArrow]

I'm 28, but have completely given up.

I've tried to do what you're supposed to do (full time jobs, girlfriends, "having fun", hobbies, friends) etc, but I just feel so depressed and stressed out all the time.

Basically - I've had a taste of what "normal" life is like and I found it really difficult, stressful, depressing and tough. I can't do another 4-5 decades of it. I'm done. I'd rather commit suicide now instead of dragging this absurd charade out any further.

 

[BandAddict]

I've gotten to the point where I know my life will never go anywhere. I'm fucked and the world is fucked. So many reasons to give up, so little reasons to go on. Felt this way for a long time, despite having short spurts of fooling myself into thinking otherwise.

I want to die without my ED. Not that it was really about "living", but recovery emptied my head of food and replaced it with the other type of hell that I'm in now and was in before.

Dyskinesia makes everyday tasks difficult for me and is fucking embarrassing when it happens in front of people. It's scary to think it can happen when someone is so "young". Speaking of young, I've been reminded of this plenty of times, as though being "young" is an inherent reason to live.

PTSD and ED thoughts ruin so much, depression makes me useless, psychosis makes me suspicious and delusional, anxiety supercharges everything...I don't feel right, no point in putting up with this longer than I'm able to. Even if I wanted to, current events tell me there's no point. It's all bullshit and I'm not falling for it. Soon enough the world won't have room for people like me anyway.

 

[TheLomboq]

There is a small inkling in me that still somewhat romanticises the idea of dying young. Saving potential (if there ever was any) before it gets wasted and chewed down when older. Ian Curtis style.

That said at this point its more a of rational reflection of the countless times you´ve failed yourself and others, the years waisted doing literally nothing due to your depression and just an utter inabilty to improve, despite all the ressources being out there in abundance. In a way that I know is nonsense, Suicide just feels to me like a necessary punishment. That last promise I made to myself and that I need to keep for once. 24 and not going to let this go past 25

 

[Octavina]

Sorry for not replying to everyone, I am reading all your experiences, sadly I am back in hospital for low potassium again and the infusion is quite painful.
: (

 

[Deadlyroses]

I've wanted to die since I was 12. First attempt was at 14. I've had more attempts since. Now I'm 25 aaaaand (unsurprisingly) I still want to die. I've given up a long time ago. I'm just winging it now tbh. I highly doubt that I'll even make it to 30.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Yes I'm 20 and give up dealing with Asperger's, been wanting to off myself since I was like 10

 

[AnnonyBox]

*raises hand* I gave up on life ever getting better a while ago, just too good at procrastinating.

 

[who doesn't matter]

26 and about to be jobless (for probably the 3rd time). Been suicidal for almost 14 years now and yes, that's the only thing that has remained consistent in my life. Never had any friends or true friends, to be precise. Oh and I am a NEET as well. So yeah, an "interesting life" I have here.

 

[Squiddy]

22 and I'm almost done. I'm gonna try to go back to college, but if things don't go well, then I might be done. I'm trying to be strong for family and friends, but it gets harder and harder everyday

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Yes for one more month

 

[Chesswiz2002]

I'm hardly even in my 20s lmao and I still feel like pure shit. I think my outlook on life is mostly to blame. I don't even have it that bad compared to a lot of the stories I've read here but I still feel suicidal every now and then.

I read Schopenhauer and the German pessimists (Mainländer, etc) and more contemporary writers like Benatar and Cioran and delved ever more deeper into pessimist philosophy. No antidepressants or therapy have come close to challenging the conclusions I took from these works. I feel like my view on life as a worthless period of suffering wedged between the bliss of non-existence has more or less solidified.

Recreational drugs are the only thing keeping me alive at this point.

 

[MutatedFlower]

neet with aspergers, and bipolar. Started feeling suicidal when I was 12. Now 23

 

[RealLostSoul]

Yea I have been dreaming of suicide a long time ago. I actually thought it gets better once you become an adult but only thing that changes is your dreams become reality. Other people wanted long term relationship, creating a family and graduating from college whatever, happened for them. For me, I actually plan CTB for real now lmao.
Don't get me wrong, I also always wanted family and stuff but from a young age on life took my loved ones away, it's a big part of my trauma, just recently it kinda repeated but AGAIN, if you are an adult the only thing different is your stuff is more "severe" and "serious". I think 20-25 is THE time to commit suicide. With 18 and below maybe you are indeed able to "outgrow" stuff if ... well a wonder happens I guess but after school it was just over for me.

 

[SweetDreams500]

neet with aspergers, and bipolar. Started feeling suicidal when I was 12. Now 23

neet power!

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I'm 20. I have really struggled with this life due to being born with neurological disorders and I have concluded that it simply isn't for me. I see no future for myself and I dread the thought of it. Life is just pointless and our true purpose is to die. I also have chronic health issues too such as damaged ears. Life just likes to work against me and there is no limit as to how bad it can get. I live in a constant state of anhedonia and I wish I was never born really.

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

I'm 20, 21 in August and I have spent more of my life thinking of my death than I haven't.

I developed an interest with my own death around age 4 or 6, ever since it just spiraled downward. I remember bouts of severe depression when I was in early elementary school, huge chunks of my life are completely forgotten because of trauma.

I was born in the wrong body. I've dealt with enough hate crime and generational trauma to last ages, I've got ASD as well as a mess of other mental disorders that make my every day life beyond difficult to navigate. From bipolar to ocd to eating disorder to ptsd, there's so much.

I've known more than enough people who have attempted, 3 who have been successful and this earth just isn't worth the mental torment that so many of us endure.

I wish very often that I was never born just for my parent's benefit- only to not be wanted. Why are we forced to stay on this earth if it has only ever brought us distress and hurt??

 

[Beachedwhale]

Late 20s, very tired, lots of wasted time/opportunities.

I would give anything to be in my late teens/early 20s again.

 

[BloodyNobody]

I'm in my early 20's and have bpd (eupd here), life has been absolute hell from the get go. I know I'm young but nothing will ever change, to cut it short I'm scared to speak to anyone even my own family (not that they want me around anyway), I'm destroying my partner with my constant heightened emotions, Im failing university, I can't leave my flat, the pain is just way way too unbareable yay bpd lol. And to top it all I could not despise myself and existence more. I was never meant to be in this world I've always known that, For my own and everybody else's sake it would be best if I wasn't here. Would bring a lot of people peace knowing they don't have to put up with my bs no longer. Stupid SI getting in the way

 

[fox_wannabe]

Me, 22, It just got to me that I am not made for this world and this society.

 

[ketchup sandwich]

Hi, I resonate with your post. I am a 24yo man who had untreated bulimia since 2014. I've been in and out of eating disorder treatment for the past two years, and I am in a very bad place despite now having my ED completely under control. The horror of my unprocessed past is weighing on me. When I was in denial about my eating disorder for those years I was calm and able to have friendships and a job, now that I'm doing my "healing" I am constantly having panic attacks and such intense chronic anxiety I can't properly interact with anyone, talking to a cashier at a convenience store is painful. I also panic when I eat food, I feel I have to swallow solid food with a lot of water or else I will choke. Sometimes I think "it's all in your head, you're overthinking food, just swallow" and I've choked doing this. I am unraveling. I have diagnosed OCD. Even though I don't have counting rituals anymore, my thought loops are out of control. My mind tortures me, so many scary, intrusive thoughts. Obsessing over childhood trauma. Burning through my savings and leeching off my family. I have so much resentment knowing my "friends", family, and authority figures knew about my purging for years, but did not intervene, many of them bullied and mocked me at my lowest. They tell me I'm ungrateful and negative and vain. The system failed me. I failed me. I thought getting my ED under control was the finish line, but it's apparently the start of a long, painful road that I am too exhausted and jaded to go down. I'm seeing a new therapist next week, but my problems seem insurmountable.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup I'm completely gone

 

[fox_wannabe]

hope

I'm seeing a new therapist next week, but my problems seem insurmountable.

new therapist will help <3

 

[again_noidea]

I've been suicidal since I was 12 so, I understand the hell you're going through.
Now, I'm 33 and I just can't believe my eyes when I look at myself in a mirror. I'm like "What are you STILL doing here bruh?"

My only conclusion is that my problem is not having the right method nor the guts to go for it. (Also, the goddamn Argentina's customs doesn't help at all. They suck and there's no way for me to get SN or N)

i'm 37 and i feel you. i ask myself every day multiple times "why am i still here" it doesn't make sense. my latest excuse for not ending it is that i somehow think that reincarnation might be true... well I guess all the survival instinkts are kicking in. I'm also very horny despite my endless depression.