Anyone else feel unwelcome on here at times?

[Abyssal]

At risk of sounding like a "this forum has gone downhill" thread, I just wanted to share because it's hitting me hard right now and I'd like some companionship in this feeling. Not asking for attention with this, every "you are loved and valid" comment I see feels fake to me anyways, I just want to know I'm not alone.

This forum brings many different types of people with many different stories and issues, many of which are thoughtful and understanding of others, yet I can't bring myself to browse the threads without feeling alien.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

From your posting, I'm unable to ascertain the reason as to why you feel "alien", or unwelcome, on SaSu. Maybe I'm just missing it.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Can you pinpoint a specific reason or something that's missing that's causing you to feel unwelcome? Not trying to invalidate your feelings, just asking for clarification

 

[strawberrydiequiri]

Whatever you want to post, do it. I get how generic responses can almost feel like we're just NPCs. But whatever is holding you back, just do it and share whatever you want. Even if it's a word dump.

I am curious to see what would make you feel alienated but you choose what you want to share or not. I came here to share things without fear or repercussion.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

Me as well. There's many people who are very kind, but it all just feels distant, like I am not fitting in or I'm doing something wrong. It's hard to know the general impression everyone else has of you, on here or in real life.

 

[BojackHorseman]

I'm sorry you feel unwelcome here. You don't seem to mention why, but I feel unwelcome when I see derogatory comments about "long time members".

I am at this moment in a neutral state (but my moods can change rapidly) and have no intention of ending it. I used to be actively suicidal and thought about it constantly, but I have made decent progress in my recovery. It no longer consumes me every moment of every day, but I still definitely have extremely bad days. I will sometimes end up holding my gun to my head or googling plane tickets to go jump off the golden gate bridge. Those moments are not as frequent anymore, but that doesnt make them any less painful when they do happen. When people comment that those who are here too long without ctb aren't deserving of being here it really hurts me. On my bad days I have found SO much comfort in being here, and on my good days I still like to be here just to empathize and show kindness to someone who might be having a bad day. On my good days I want to help people who are having a bad day, just like they do for me on my bad days. Is that so wrong?
I also have obligations now that prevent me from ending it. I don't think that's my fault and should be held against me as undeserving of being here.
Sorry, didn't mean to vent so much. I definitely understand feeling unwelcome here at times, but more often than not I feel good being here. I have met some of the kindest internet people here, and I really appreciate their honesty and support. Is there something in particular making you feel unwelcome? I really am sorry you feel that way.

 

[Abyssal]

From your posting, I'm unable to ascertain the reason as to why you feel "alien", or unwelcome, on SaSu. Maybe I'm just missing it.

I'm unsure. Probably underlying issues, where I feel I don't belong no matter how hard I try. It's more me than anything anyone says, I just want to know I'm not alone with these issues.

Can you pinpoint a specific reason or something that's missing that's causing you to feel unwelcome? Not trying to invalidate your feelings, just asking for clarification

No. I'd say there's constant discord on the forum and a level of gatekeeping, but even then it doesn't impact me so deeply. I think there's just something wrong with me.

 

[untothedepths]

I feel that way, just everywhere else. On Sasu, not as much, but I do have a sense of formality and distance, mostly because I also reciprocate it. It's not of ill will, its just that I know many people are all going through a lot of hell and what not. When I get closer to people, I allow myself to be extremely vulnerable to them. They can hurt me, even unintentionally, so its a away to protect myself. If it comes off as me ever being mean, I apologize, I don't mean nor wish it to be.

 

[Abandoned Character]

I do think there is an interesting dynamic at play here. Many users here relate to the very real and very terrifying experience of seriously considering suicide and everything that comes with it. Oftentimes, one may overcome their experience and feel like they have the solution for others. They may feel an intense desire to communicate to people who have yet to be "saved." There isn't really anything wrong with that in my opinion, as long as we are honest with ourselves. Of course, the ego will always involve itself to cause problems. Maybe this isn't really related to what you're posting about, but it popped up in my mind.

Personally, the only time I have felt unwelcome is when I see posts of others discussing their hatred and disdain of things that I personally enjoy. They are few and far between, fortunately. And I have gotten much better at ignoring them.

 

[BojackHorseman]

I do think there is an interesting dynamic at play here. Many users here relate to the very real and very terrifying experience of seriously considering suicide and everything that comes with it. Oftentimes, one may overcome their experience and feel like they have the solution for others. They may feel an intense desire to communicate to people who have yet to be "saved." There isn't really anything wrong with that in my opinion, as long as we are honest with ourselves. Of course, the ego will always involve itself to cause problems. Maybe this isn't really related to what you're posting about, but it popped up in my mind.

Personally, the only time I have felt unwelcome is when I see posts of others discussing their hatred and disdain of things that I personally enjoy. They are few and far between, fortunately. And I have gotten much better at ignoring them.

Oh I hope my post didn't come off that way. If I ever come off that way, its honestly not my intention. I don't think, or atleast I hope I don't, come off as trying to "save" people. My goal is empathy. I just like to be able to say "Damn that sucks, I've been there and I know it hurts. I'm here if you need to vent." because those are the words that make me feel better on my bad days.

I certainly don't consider myself saved or fully recovered. Truthfully, I don't think I ever will be fully recovered.

 

[Abandoned Character]

Oh I hope my post didn't come off that way. If I ever come off that way, its honestly not my intention. I don't think, or atleast I hope I don't, come off as trying to "save" people. My goal is empathy. I just like to be able to say "Damn that sucks, I've been there and I know it hurts. I'm here if you need to vent." because those are the words that make me feel better on my bad days.

Pardon me, I was not clear. By when I say "dynamic at play here," I mean across the site as a whole, possibly as an explanation to OP's experience of feeling unwelcome. I didn't exactly read your post so I am not sure how it would be about you, but I do not find what you say unwelcoming. To explain more, I think the only times we are dishonest with ourselves is if we become convinced that we can speak objectively. Every experience is always being filtered through a unique mind. There is no perfect translation from one mind to another, so it is foolish to think we can say anything objectively that does not concern ourselves (I'm speaking generally).

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I feel that way, just everywhere else. On Sasu, not as much, but I do have a sense of formality and distance, mostly because I also reciprocate it. It's not of ill will, its just that I know many people are all going through a lot of hell and what not. When I get closer to people, I allow myself to be extremely vulnerable to them. They can hurt me, even unintentionally, so its a away to protect myself. If it comes off as me ever being mean, I apologize, I don't mean nor wish it to be.

This is really well put - I feel similarly. I assume if anyone's posting here in this section, it's because they are struggling but aren't necessarily looking for someone to tell them everything's going to be alright, or give them advice about anything other than methods.

I know I don't want any life-affirming reassurance, so I assume other's don't either. I hope I don't make anyone feel unwelcome tho

I'm unsure. Probably underlying issues, where I feel I don't belong no matter how hard I try. It's more me than anything anyone says, I just want to know I'm not alone with these issues.

No. I'd say there's constant discord on the forum and a level of gatekeeping, but even then it doesn't impact me so deeply. I think there's just something wrong with me.

You're definitely not alone in feeling alone. I also usually avoid arguments or posts I don't have much to add to, so maybe I just notice it less?

Do you have any examples of gate-keeping off the top of your head? I'm not on here 24/7 and could definitely have missed stuff

 

[BojackHorseman]

Pardon me, I was not clear. By when I say "dynamic at play here," I mean across the site as a whole, possibly as an explanation to OP's experience of feeling unwelcome. I didn't exactly read your post so I am not sure how it would be about you, but I do not find what you say unwelcoming. To explain more, I think the only times we are dishonest with ourselves is if we become convinced that we can speak objectively. Every experience is always being filtered through a unique mind. There is no perfect translation from one mind to another, so it is foolish to think we can say anything objectively that does not concern ourselves (I'm speaking generally).

Oh sorry. I've just seen people here get very defensive very quickly about empathy. Some seem to consider empathy the same as pro life and I very much don't want to be perceived that way. Sorry, excuse my paranoia lol

 

[goodoldnoname923]

At risk of sounding like a "this forum has gone downhill" thread, I just wanted to share because it's hitting me hard right now and I'd like some companionship in this feeling. Not asking for attention with this, every "you are loved and valid" comment I see feels fake to me anyways, I just want to know I'm not alone.

This forum brings many different types of people with many different stories and issues, many of which are thoughtful and understanding of others, yet I can't bring myself to browse the threads without feeling alien.

I knew a friend that felt that way when they were getting harrassed,infact they've even left the forum fully because of that incident ^^'

As for myself i did briefly for a day or so when i angered the SN police with my "left field view" shall we say but i'd rather not speak publicly on the matter any further than that

But if you'd like to talk privately or need some sort of companionship i'm all for it thats something i seek in life myself so i heavily relate with wanting someone to have my back

I can't promise i'll be here long as i do plan to CTB tonight (complications last night stopped me not a lack of willingness or mood like prior nights) but if i do fail or even hold off for whatever other reason know that i'll be here for you as long as i'm around

 

[Raindancer]

I would definitely say yes I have felt that here at times. But I have tried to temperate those feelings because I have tended to feel them most places and so I think it is just me and something I need to deal with. For me it also probably comes from insecurity as well. But yes, as a Christian and believing in God, I have definitely felt unwelcome. I have also received a lot of support so I try and focus on that, but it is a very disquiet feeling.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

At risk of sounding like a "this forum has gone downhill" thread, I just wanted to share because it's hitting me hard right now and I'd like some companionship in this feeling. Not asking for attention with this, every "you are loved and valid" comment I see feels fake to me anyways, I just want to know I'm not alone.

This forum brings many different types of people with many different stories and issues, many of which are thoughtful and understanding of others, yet I can't bring myself to browse the threads without feeling alien.

I think there are natural and created ebbs and flows of this site, literal seasons changing, new and old members fluctuate, people feeling more comfortable and posting more or they back off or shy away, etc... and it gets this online 'College of Pro-Choice Suicide' vibe so I think it naturally, and unnaturally, becomes "cliquey"? or at least you start to get categorized groups who flock together. Then the ones who are behind, ahead, or on the outskirts, start weaving back in and out of the heard; or straying or avoiding it altogether etc., or something lol. The mechanism of "chatroom" style type atmospheres tend to revert back to like, a (virtual) high school of sorts; and we know there are loners who start off that way, and stay loners, or they find fellow loners they gel with :) That being said....

"Welcome to Pro-Choice Suicide Valley High!!!"
🗣

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wouldn't say that I'm unwelcome per se but, at the same time, I can definitely see the fundamental disconnect between me and most SaSu members. I'm not similar to most members here.. though, actually, most members here aren't similar to each other as well as, in the end, we're all on this site for different reasons. The only common denominator here is that we're all suicidal; aside from that, we're all completely different. Nonetheless, even on here, there are trends which applies to the majority of people yet does not apply to me.

For example, most users here engage in self loathing and self deprecating behaviour which is something that I can't relate to at all. Most users here would also want to live a life of suffering if their issues were resolved enough to where the remaining amount of suffering that they have to endure is bearable enough (i.e. just the normal ups and downs of life) which, once again, isn't something that applies to me as I don't want to suffer at all in any capacity. Most users here also justify life itself saying that it's life that's beautiful and that their own circumstances which isn't beautiful which, once again, I can't agree with as, to me, life itself is the problem. I see wage slavery as a problem. I see work as a problem... I see having to maintain myself as a problem and so on.

In the end, I do appreciate that I'm allowed here and that I can vent about my views about society and life. However, to say that there isn't a fundamental disconnect between me and other members here would be incorrect. My neurotype is just built different to where I don't want life itself

 

[bookgirl]

I'm always happy when I see you in the chat

 

[Meteora]

As many others already said, it is a general feeling that I have wherever I go. I believe, it stems from my childhood, I was very unwanted, a burden, a scapegoat. I think, sadly we experience the exact same that we felt in our family when we join other social situations.
So yes, I can feel very alien too, very unwanted.

 

[Forveleth]

Do I feel like I completely fit in like this is a close group of friends? No. But I'm not going to. This site has a large userbase from all walks of life. The only thing we have in common is suicide. There are going to be lots of people with whom I disagree or find annoying and very few people I feel close to, if any. That's pretty normal for interacting with humanity at large.

But I have never felt "unwelcome" either. I try to give honest, helpful feedback when I have it, comfort when I can, don't get into petty arguments with people who aren't going to listen, and I liberally use the "ignore" button.

Also, this is an internet forum. There is always going to be a feeling of "disconnect" as you are interacting only with words on a screen and not real human beings. You can make some great friends here but your subconscious brain will most likely not feel that it's a genuine connection without the human face behind the name.

I have felt this way in other communities before and I have realized when that happens I need to either find a few friends in the community and just stick with them or it's time to move on from the community as a whole.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I dont need much these days. I usually see one or two posts that I find relatable or interesting each day... and thats good enough for me

 

[Throwawayacc3]

At risk of sounding like a "this forum has gone downhill" thread, I just wanted to share because it's hitting me hard right now and I'd like some companionship in this feeling. Not asking for attention with this, every "you are loved and valid" comment I see feels fake to me anyways, I just want to know I'm not alone.

This forum brings many different types of people with many different stories and issues, many of which are thoughtful and understanding of others, yet I can't bring myself to browse the threads without feeling alien.

I mentioned this in another thread but being extremely logical I tend to see if anyone has similar experience or outcome. I don't know about SH so I don't know how to react to it or what to say. Cancer - yes: a lot of years and I've talked to quite a few people here (not the same cancer as me) but the environment and situations are very similar. Autism as well. Being very focused on subjects and kind of tunnel visioned is how my brain works. When someone says I feel hurt or I feel lonely I sometimes like the post because I relate to the feeling but don't know how to put it into words. I tend to spout off irrelevant facts about cancer and other stuff just because I had to study everything about it at the time (I have low trust in big organisations - medical, business, councils, etc).

If you write a thread with the topic that's very specific you will have at least 1 person who can relate.

 

[willitpass]

I honestly don't have the energy myself to offer a nice comment to everyone I see who I feel for. A reaction is all I have in me most of the time. Most of us here are running on empty ourselves, so the empathy we have to spare is limited. It doesn't mean people don't care, but it's just too much for people who are already struggling so much to be a hand to hold for others.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I never felt unwelcome here.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I feel unwelcome in this world
so the feeling is nothing new

 

[Crinia99]

I do sometimes and I think its because many people on here are very anti religious and blame religion and God. I do understand its easy to do, but I just don't get why people fail to see that humans through society and culture are responsible for creating religions to manipulate and control the masses. I don't blame religion or God - there scapegoats for those in control. I blame people in power.

Also, there appears to be a lot of thoughts on here that life is full of suffering and those that don't admit it are delusional. Perhaps it is because we are a depressed lot on here and fail to see how things could possibly be different. But I dont believe the majority of people really suffer in life, at least not enough to seriously contemplate suicide. We are the minority on here but sometimes fail to show it.

I honestly don't have the energy myself to offer a nice comment to everyone I see who I feel for. A reaction is all I have in me most of the time. Most of us here are running on empty ourselves, so the empathy we have to spare is limited. It doesn't mean people don't care, but it's just too much for people who are already struggling so much to be a hand to hold for others.

This is true, but I think that most people on here are suffering and are deserving of empathy. If I can't offer a thoughtful response because of my own suffering and limitations, I personally prefer not to offer one at all.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Eh, I don't feel welcome here but I view as a consequence of me literally never feeling welcome anywhere I go

 

[BardBarrie]

Personally, no: I don't feel unwelcome here.

Though I would imagine it may be more difficult for a group of suicidal people to form a strong community, given the nature of our reasons for being on this site.

 

[Worndown]

This is a great site.
Sometimes you find people having a bad day and they are less cordial than usual.
Sometimes you find members that post with wild abandon and do not really have a discernable point.
We are a mix. I hope you find the better conversationalists.

 

[Confront4283]

I feel unwelcome everywhere, seems like people are only there to serve themselves, me included.