Anyone else feel like they’re just existing?

[Rocinante]

I don't even feel like a person most waking hours. More like a husk that is left to roam this world. I fail to get enjoyment out of things, and I refuse to find anything entertaining. I wish I could cease to exist, but instead I'm burdened with a life I didn't consent to. Don't think I'll ever actually commit suicide unless I'm pushed to that point. Have too much hope. But I have been feeling more brutal recently. It's over, this is unfair. I hate that this process will continue forever, where my mood fluctuates by the day.

No one around me wants to be friends, or they just tolerate me. Or endure me, at best. If I didn't have to interact with people that disliked me I wouldn't feel so down about myself.

 

[psp3000]

yes, for me it's a mixture of existing, roaming, and wasting away

Don't think I'll ever actually commit suicide unless I'm pushed to that point. Have too much hope.

I relate to this a lot would like to think or hope that enduring years of suffering to the point where I've become suicidal would have a reward or purpose but it doesn't

No one around me wants to be friends, or they just tolerate me. Or endure me, at best.

I'm sorry that you have people around you that just tolerate or endure you rather than seeing you as a friend hopefully they aren't constantly lying to you about how they feel about you, from my personal experience it usually goes like this:

good start -> vulnerability-> tolerance, endurance, and annoyance/irritation -> lying about feeling that way -> distancing/drifting -> abandonment

 

[MrDarkness]

I've been feeling like something has been missing for ages now, I yearn to be normal and happy. But that won't happen I'm cursed with being depressed and shitty until the day I die. Hopefully soon

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry this is happening to you. I feel like I barely existed all my life.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yes, 100%. There is no prognoses for me to even be a little happy in life. The major issue is that I am not and will never be born the correct sex. Then the only way I'd want to cope (a relationship with someone I am attracted to) is unattainable. I just exist in mediocrity.

 

[Archness]

I guess ever since my early childhood I'd have feelings that "I'm just here". Not meant for much past positive life-signs. As a child I'd be told there's more to life then that, but couldn't really get it. Even now, I don't get it, I understand maturity (as much as my autism allows), but not this "moreness" to life that was supposed to sprout out my heart.

I could fool myself a bit into thinking there was more for me, like creative endeavors; but now my head's clear as it'll get. Life isn't much, I'm just here man.

 

[InaudibleEcho]

I don't even feel like a person most waking hours. More like a husk that is left to roam this world. I fail to get enjoyment out of things, and I refuse to find anything entertaining. I wish I could cease to exist, but instead I'm burdened with a life I didn't consent to. Don't think I'll ever actually commit suicide unless I'm pushed to that point. Have too much hope. But I have been feeling more brutal recently. It's over, this is unfair. I hate that this process will continue forever, where my mood fluctuates by the day.

No one around me wants to be friends, or they just tolerate me. Or endure me, at best. If I didn't have to interact with people that disliked me I wouldn't feel so down about myself.

I've thought this for a while. I feel like I'm not alive, I'm just not dead. I feel disconnected from the world and it's too late to connect with it. I can't socialize even when I want to and I feel like everyone is annoyed with me and want me gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course, all that I'm doing is just waiting around to die as after all, that's all that existence is, it's just a futile process of waiting for death to erase everything for us, we are only destined for nothing and nowhere, existence is just an meaningless and impermanent distraction from the fact that death is inevitable. There is no point to existing, it's just a way to suffer unnecessarily all for the sake of it, death is the only relief from this terrible burden that was so cruelly forced on us.