anyone else feel like their life is already over?

[glowing.purple.aura]

pretty much just the title

I've been putting off submitting my college transfer application for two or so months now just because it's so hard for me to care about life anymore. I also lost complete interest in my previous major (Biology) after only like a semester and a half even though in high school it was what I based my entire life around. I genuinely have ZERO hope for the future and I don't even have the energy to think anymore so I'm just switching to a major I can do mindlessly (just anything with a lot of math).

All I do every day is sleep for 12+ hours and then scroll on social media to serve as a distraction while I brace for the end of the world. I'm so tired of surviving instead of living, and just...

SOOOOOOOOOO TIRED of people acting like everything's fine like omg your lack of urgency is actually killing me

I'm also so nauseous while typing this (like always because of my meds) but my mom's refusing to let me switch to the ketamine my psychiatrist suggested even though I explained to her it's only a Schedule III drug (low-to-moderate physical and psychological dependency if any) the same mom who claims she's done EVERYTHING to help me and "if killing my self's what I have to do, it's what I have to do because she's done all she can"

There's just no point in trying anymore. Especially for me since I have nobody left in my life to keep living and being productive for.

 

[logar]

Yeah.. this is exactly how I feel. My life is completely fucked. I don't have the energy to even do anything anymore, lol. I just lay in bed and think about how horrible my life is and how I even ended up at this point. Everyone in my life just hates me too. No passion for anything, and no energy. It's a horrible kind of pain that I'm really sorry that you also have to go through. I'm wishing that everything will end up well for you in the end. :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

More that my hoped for life is over. I don't have enough ambition/ want for it now. I have no motivation to pursue it anymore.

My situation is different though. I'm older, employed and living alone. I hate having to sustain all of this but then, I also hate even more- the crap I'd get from my parents/ family if I needed their help. Homelessness scares me too.

For me, it's more that I'm desperate to be able to just let go and go NEET but, I don't feel like I can. So therefore- suicide is always beckoning.

 

[burninghill]

I feel like my life has been over since I started feeling suicidal at 14, I really can't help but feel like I've lived far past my expiration date and God is just waiting for me to finally give in.

 

[NothingEverWorksOut]

Yeah my life is over or has been for a long time, there is no point in my life. Failed everything

 

[itsgone2]

Yes it's over. I just haven't had the guts yet.

 

[dragonofenvy]

It felt like I died in my childhood and I still am continuing the soulless existence despite how much I wish I didn't have to.

 

[mackoo]

Same. I feel like I'm a dead man walking. Also no energy or care for anything anymore, not even my hobbies if I can even still call them that. Just waiting around for death to come

 

[Hollowman]

Yep a long time ago.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

pretty much yeah. im still doing things to technically build up my future bc i cant slack without having to explain myself, but i stopped actually caring a long time ago.

 

[urgent]

I wish I could end it now. It's not living just existing in such unbearable pain.

 

[spellbound]

It's a tragedy to have been dead for so long but to have to watch my body and brain still living. They're wasting their life away too. I'm begging them to join me but they're too lazy.

 

[GT Darkarage]

Yes life is over for me since long time ago. Maybe since I was a kid. I don't even know why I can't die like a normal fucked up person. I already crashed and fuck. It didn't killed me. That is not logical.

 

[Shadowsight]

I feel like my life never truly began :(

I have no ambition or will to even try to make things better, as guilty as I feel about that. I'd rather just ctb and be done with it.

 

[NamelessEntity]

Yes, My life has been stagnant for about 10 years. Every attempt to fix it seems to make things worse. The trauma keeps piling up, my health is declining, and I'm becoming more and more isolated. I don't know how to find a way out anymore. It just feels like it's over.

 

[vexana]

my life has already over long time ago. i was still under the impression of it will get better, but no. it does not get better. enough is enough.

 

[Malfunction]

Been that way for some time.

I stick around for someone else. It also allows me time to prepare. If I do it, I'm doing it right the first time.

My health issues may take me out first I suppose. I just want the option to tap out if I suffer.

 

[iguazo falls]

firstly, your mother's attitude is pretty terrible, and I know how full on uni/college can be so im sorry you have to deal with all that crap. as for me honestly yeah. i don't know how to recreate those fundamental years because by the time that happens i'd be a 25 year old acting 15.

 

[enough of this]

My life has been over for a long time. I don't see the point in maintaining this painful container any longer.

 

[peacebenow]

Yes. It's an awful way to exist.