Anyone else feel fundamentally broken?

[lonelyandsad]

My life is a wreck right now. I got fired after taking too much time off because I was in a residential depression treatment program. My wife is leaving me. I have no friends where I live and only 2 online friends. I have plenty of reasons to want to ctb.

I just feel like, even if none of those stressors existed, I'd still want to ctb. I've felt this way since childhood. Like I just wasn't built to be alive. My brain is broken. Anyone feel the same? Like circumstances don't even matter, you were just never going to be normal.

 

[resolutory]

Yeah, I feel like this too. Nothing can be done for me, I know that and always have done.

 

[leeloosnow]

thats a really hard situation and understandable why you feel that way. i do too, altho my situation is somewhat different. its awful that you did what everyone tells us to do, go get help, to only get rewarded with punishment. that much i can relate very well with. fact of it is i'm never going to be 'normal' and people will always love the fun parts abt me and run from the bad parts. so, i'll prolly just save myself the pain of it all. i hope you find some sense of normalcy friend <3 its hard

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly know that I'm not meant for existing in every single way possible, and I could never want to exist in this cruel world. To exist is a burden and it's a curse to exist here, and as long as I'm conscious and aware I will always suffer. But being suicidal and wishing for nonexistence is completely normal for me and it's what makes sense. I'm not the problem but rather life itself is.

 

[lonelyandsad]

thats a really hard situation and understandable why you feel that way. i do too, altho my situation is somewhat different. its awful that you did what everyone tells us to do, go get help, to only get rewarded with punishment. that much i can relate very well with. fact of it is i'm never going to be 'normal' and people will always love the fun parts abt me and run from the bad parts. so, i'll prolly just save myself the pain of it all. i hope you find some sense of normalcy friend <3 its hard

I appreciate the kind words