Anyone else dragging it out?

[CantDoIt]

Anyone else dragging out their CTb? I just endlessly scroll this site looking at everything and fantasizing rather than actually doing anything and it makes it really difficult for me to be positive or take anything seriously. I don't know why I do this ... I really am tired of living, I don't enjoy it, I just endlessly prolong my own suffering. Like I want to die but I wish it were different but it won't be. So just let me end my suffering already. But for some reason my brain is like "but what if you're had done this different" . But I didn't do XYZ thing different in life and I never will have done it differently and now I don't want to continue because its like a video game that I already did too badly at to beat but instead of quitting I have to make an attempt to play to the end. :/

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

It's natural to want to postpone.
I have a trip planned to try and get N, but it's like I am always looking for excuses to change the dates, to postpone it somehow. I think it's true what they say, that hope dies last lmao. It's some kind of a delusion really, not hope.

 

[fade to black]

Prolonging it is probably more common than doing it impulsively just because survival is hardwired in our brains.

 

[CantDoIt]

Prolonging it is probably more common than doing it impulsively just because survival is hardwired in our brains.

Is prolonging it and having a ton of regrets and weird emotional mental reactions a sign of it being SI? It's so annoying...

 

[fade to black]

Is prolonging it and having a ton of regrets and weird emotional mental reactions a sign of it being SI? It's so annoying...

Those are perfectly normal reactions. I'm personally having those because I'm super worried about my dog.

 

[Defenestration]

Since 2004...and lot of 2023,2024

 

[Danby]

Yes. I guess I still have hope things will get better, and I think what it will do to my daughters.

 

[CantDoIt]

Those are perfectly normal reactions. I'm personally having those because I'm super worried about my dog.

I keep thinking of how I'm throwing my life away. I have a lot of nostalgia and fond memories and people I would make very sad...I also think about my pets. There are things I enjoy about life and it hurts to know I have to give it up. But truly I am suffering lol I have messed up about as badly as one can. Not quite thar badly but you get the picture.

 

[fade to black]

I keep thinking of how I'm throwing my life away. I have a lot of nostalgia and fond memories and people I would make very sad...I also think about my pets. There are things I enjoy about life and it hurts to know I have to give it up. But truly I am suffering lol I have messed up about as badly as one can. Not quite thar badly but you get the picture.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm in the exact same place. Just know you're not alone in your suffering. Make the decision that is best for you. I know that's really easy to say and I'm struggling with making that decision myself. My life circumstances are forcing my hand.

 

[Unsure and alone]

Yeah 5 attempts later
The problem is stupid hope
Not wanting to believe it has to be this way.

Leading to not going far enough .
I think I would have died this last time though if I hadn't vomited it .

Right now it feels like I've been around too long but if I could just feel a bit better I'd give this damned life yet one more chance .

 

[CantDoIt]

Yeah 5 attempts later
The problem is stupid hope
Not wanting to believe it has to be this way.

Leading to not going far enough .
I think I would have died this last time though if I hadn't vomited it .

Right now it feels like I've been around too long but if I could just feel a bit better I'd give this damned life yet one more chance .

I'm sorry you've tried and failed so many times, that's such a difficult thing to go through.

 

[juna]

Yeah, I keep planning the dates to ctb on some days and then on others, I am back to thinking about my cat and that I still have things I haven't done yet.
Early this year, I was sure I was going to be dead by June and here I am.

 

[Unsure and alone]

Yeah, I keep planning the dates to ctb on some days and then on others, I am back to thinking about my cat and that I still have things I haven't done yet.
Early this year, I was sure I was going to be dead by June and here I am.

Maybe it's just not time yet .
Hugs

 

[hereornot]

Anyone else dragging out their CTb? I just endlessly scroll this site looking at everything and fantasizing rather than actually doing anything and it makes it really difficult for me to be positive or take anything seriously. I don't know why I do this ... I really am tired of living, I don't enjoy it, I just endlessly prolong my own suffering. Like I want to die but I wish it were different but it won't be. So just let me end my suffering already. But for some reason my brain is like "but what if you're had done this different" . But I didn't do XYZ thing different in life and I never will have done it differently and now I don't want to continue because its like a video game that I already did too badly at to beat but instead of quitting I have to make an attempt to play to the end. :/

The video game analogy is perfect. Exactly how I feel.

 

[kyhoti]

Right now it's dependant on funds. I only have one weekly rent payment left on my bank card, so I plan on move-out day to be my bus ride. If money appears, then I'll put it off until that's gone.

 

[Unsure and alone]

Right now it's dependant on funds. I only have one weekly rent payment left on my bank card, so I plan on move-out day to be my bus ride. If money appears, then I'll put it off until that's gone.

Well that's definitely rolling the dice .
Good luck