Any other new parents here

[sophia30]

I have a four month old. Life is hell. The guilt and pain is torture.

 

[SASU-KE]

Hi there. I'm surprised to see you make your first post after nearly four years.

I'm not a parent myself but I just wanted to know how come you decided to have a child when you're struggling yourself?

 

[sophia30]

I truly believed I had gotten better and that we were meant to be here. after the baby I fell apart again completely unexpectedly. I've been browsing this site on and off for years but wasn't desperate enough to post until now. I actually forgot I had an account already until recently when trying to register.

 

[VanillaCake]

I truly believed I had gotten better and that we were meant to be here. after the baby I fell apart again completely unexpectedly. I've been browsing this site on and off for years but wasn't desperate enough to post until now. I actually forgot I had an account already until recently when trying to register.

Could it be that you're going through post-partum depression, especially since you started feeling worse after the baby? It can be treated

 

[SASU-KE]

I truly believed I had gotten better and that we were meant to be here. after the baby I fell apart again completely unexpectedly. I've been browsing this site on and off for years but wasn't desperate enough to post until now. I actually forgot I had an account already until recently when trying to register

Might it be PPD?That can be brutal. Really unfortunate that it hit you at this time when you should be enjoying the joys of motherhood.


Edit : I see the above post has mentioned it as well.I hope you can be treated and it goes away.Wish you and the baby happiness.

 

[sophia30]

Could it be that you're going through post-partum depression, especially since you started feeling worse after the baby? It can be treated

Might it be PPD?That can be brutal. Really unfortunate that it hit you at this time when you should be enjoying the joys of motherhood.


Edit : I see the above post has mentioned it as well.I hope you can be treated and it goes away.Wish you and the baby happiness.

It's ppd but also psychosis, paranoia, severe dissociative amnesia. Been hospitalized four times in two months. Lost custody. All I want is for her to be safe but dying doesn't guarantee that. But I'm so mentally ill that I can't care for her. I can barely shower or eat. I'm scared and lonely and just want to ctb peacefully knowing she'll be fine. I had no idea this was going to happen when I was pregnant. My world is shattered and agonizingly painful.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's ppd but also psychosis, paranoia, severe dissociative amnesia. Been hospitalized four times in two months. Lost custody. All I want is for her to be safe but dying doesn't guarantee that. But I'm so mentally ill that I can't care for her. I can barely shower or eat. I'm scared and lonely and just want to ctb peacefully knowing she'll be fine. I had no idea this was going to happen when I was pregnant. My world is shattered and agonizingly painful.

Who's got custody of her? Why do you doubt she'll be fine?

 

[sophia30]

Who's got custody of her? Why do you doubt she'll be fine?

My family has custody. If I die I won't be able to make sure she doesn't end up in some potentially traumatic foster care situation. Which probably won't happen but I can't make sure of it if I ctb. I'm literally insane now and aware of it. I'm destroyed and self medicating I'll never get her back. She's so smart and beautiful looks just like me. I'm in agony. She deserves better. I just want to perfect a method and get out of here. It's terrifying and scary to be alive.
Crying hysterically thanks to ppl who've responded w empathy and concern. Need to focus on method crying doesn't help. I'm done.

 

[flowerbomb]

I am so sorry that you are in this situation!!

 

[sophia30]

Thank you

 

[peacebenow]

I am incredibly sorry that you are suffering like this.

 

[sophia30]

If anyone wants to talk personally I'm here.

I am incredibly sorry that you are suffering like this.

Thank you and likewise if you are too.

 

[peacebenow]

If anyone wants to talk personally I'm here.

Thank you and likewise if you are too.

I am not a parent like you so not in the same situation but thank you.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

Is your family taking good care of her? And do they want to do it? If so, I think you should continue with medications and inpatient therapy to slowly, little by little, get better for her so that you can at least be a part of her life, even if you don't have custody.

 

[sophia30]

Is your family taking good care of her? And do they want to do it? If so, I think you should continue with medications and inpatient therapy to slowly, little by little, get better for her so that you can at least be a part of her life, even if you don't have custody.

Your mom was your life. I'm sorry for your loss.... They are all toxic af but don't realize it. My parents who have her the most are super religious in a bad way. I'm the most awake one in my family and I've known that my whole life as I was the only one with the capacity to see truth. Escaped their religion as a child thanks to the Internet. I did take my antidepressant today and it helped a small amount. My baby is loved but she will be raised to be indoctrinated completely from birth like I was

Is your family taking good care of her? And do they want to do it? If so, I think you should continue with medications and inpatient therapy to slowly, little by little, get better for her so that you can at least be a part of her life, even if you don't have custody.

Also let me please say again that I am sorry about your mother wound, whatever it is. I don't know what happened to her but I send you some love and concern. Here to listen if need be. Your username indicates a serious event involving your mother. I truly hope you're ok. Inpatient therapy has happened multiple times since March and I'm so tired. I just got out of a screaming match with my baby's grandfather and Grandma and it was horrible.

 

[volo]

They are all toxic af but don't realize it. My parents who have her the most are super religious in a bad way. I'm the most awake one in my family and I've known that my whole life as I was the only one with the capacity to see truth. Escaped their religion as a child thanks to the Internet. I did take my antidepressant today and it helped a small amount. My baby is loved but she will be raised to be indoctrinated completely from birth like I was

I agree that a lot of our mental suffering, does have roots in childhood and upbringing.
On a positive note, it is possible that your daughter will have even more information growing up, and has a chance to end up even more liberated than you did

 

[sophia30]

I agree that a lot of our mental suffering, does have roots in childhood and upbringing.
On a positive note, it is possible that your daughter will have even more information growing up, and has a chance to end up even more liberated than you did

Thank you. She is obviously really really advanced for her age. I know she will be ok and wake up from being indoctrinated and live her own life like I did. She's like I always was except I have been through too much and have finally given up. Too much torturous pain.

I agree that a lot of our mental suffering, does have roots in childhood and upbringing.
On a positive note, it is possible that your daughter will have even more information growing up, and has a chance to end up even more liberated than you did

I like to believe I will still be deeply present in her life even after I'm gone for as long as she lives. My soul will search for her and find her and love and guide her from the other side until she passes and we reunite

 

[Tesha]

This is your PPD talking. There is time for you to become well again, get your daughter back and raise her in the way you want. I'm not a new Mum, but I have teenagers, so understand the pressures of new parents and the pressure of suicidal ideation.

Reach out to me if you need to.

 

[Chronic]

Therapy and meds from a phychiatrist can help. It's not a cure but it does help lessen the suicidal thoughts in my experience. Psych meds I am on are zyprexa, prozac, buspar, and hydroxyzine. Sorry you are struggling.

 

[sophia30]

This is your PPD talking. There is time for you to become well again, get your daughter back and raise her in the way you want. I'm not a new Mum, but I have teenagers, so understand the pressures of new parents and the pressure of suicidal ideation.

Reach out to me if you need to.

I had been seriously depressed for almost twenty years until I got pregnant and had so much hope and love. I really truly thought I had finally healed. Then after her I crashed. I did not expect to go back to how I was. It's too late. I can't eat I can't clean I can't even function at all. She's not safe with me.

Therapy and meds from a phychiatrist can help. It's not a cure but it does help lessen the suicidal thoughts in my experience. Psych meds I am on are zyprexa, prozac, buspar, and hydroxyzine. Sorry you are struggling.

They put me on many drugs in the wards. Compliance was the only way out. They also put me in restraints, arms and legs for hours as I screamed for help. Another hospital they tackled and brutally dragged me back upstairs when I tried to escape. They pulled out hair. They hurt my neck to the point where they had to give me an mri. I've also been grabbed by five men dragged into seclusion and injected with sedatives for not wanting my roommate to keep constantly bothering me. I don't trust any of it.

 

[webb&flow]

If anyone wants to talk personally I'm here.

I'm here for you.

I am willing to read literally anything you write; if it is a thousand words, I will read every word. I will sit with and embrace everything you want to express; no matter what it is.

I just noticed this; I was reading this thread and developing something to write to you. I will send you that response too <3<3. But I have to tell you—I am here for you, I am listening, and I am open to everything you want to express <3<3. Internet hugs~