burninghill
Student
- Dec 2, 2025
- 119
I'm so scared. Ironically of everything besides suicide. I put myself in situations to make myself anxious on purpose and I can't stop myself.
I have no coping mechanisms, I can't sleep because I'm so scared of imaginary scenarios where the police come to my house because someone I was talking to on here killed themselves, or my mum finding my search history or being in the background of a photo where my self harm scars are all on full view.
I feel so sick, it's so silly. I'm not even really an anxious person in my day to day life, I just get all these thoughts about exaggerated scenarios where I get into deep shit and there's no way out. I always hope that something terrible will happen so I'll finally kill myself but when my anxiety gets to that point I just don't know what to do with myself.
I really want to die. I really hope I have the courage to do it. I can't live thinking that every tiny choice I make has some kind of terrible, massive impact. I wish I knew how to calm down and be reasonable.
What if I change my mind at the last minute again? Maybe I'll never follow through and be in this endless cycle forever, there's no winning. I die and my mum kills herself or I live and suffer forever
I just want to be dead so badly right now. I can't deal with any of this, I'm too weak for it. I can feel the cycle repeating itself over and over. I think everything is fine and it all crashes down on me. I wish I didn't love my mother so much.
I keep getting these thoughts, maybe I should pray for her to die really hard and then I'll have the courage to kill myself. Maybe if I hurt someone bad or commit a crime I'll be so anxious and scared that I'll feel forced to kill myself, maybe I should meet up with some random guy online and have sex with me until I feel so disgusted that I have to die immediately
I have no coping mechanisms, I can't sleep because I'm so scared of imaginary scenarios where the police come to my house because someone I was talking to on here killed themselves, or my mum finding my search history or being in the background of a photo where my self harm scars are all on full view.
I feel so sick, it's so silly. I'm not even really an anxious person in my day to day life, I just get all these thoughts about exaggerated scenarios where I get into deep shit and there's no way out. I always hope that something terrible will happen so I'll finally kill myself but when my anxiety gets to that point I just don't know what to do with myself.
I really want to die. I really hope I have the courage to do it. I can't live thinking that every tiny choice I make has some kind of terrible, massive impact. I wish I knew how to calm down and be reasonable.
What if I change my mind at the last minute again? Maybe I'll never follow through and be in this endless cycle forever, there's no winning. I die and my mum kills herself or I live and suffer forever
I just want to be dead so badly right now. I can't deal with any of this, I'm too weak for it. I can feel the cycle repeating itself over and over. I think everything is fine and it all crashes down on me. I wish I didn't love my mother so much.
I keep getting these thoughts, maybe I should pray for her to die really hard and then I'll have the courage to kill myself. Maybe if I hurt someone bad or commit a crime I'll be so anxious and scared that I'll feel forced to kill myself, maybe I should meet up with some random guy online and have sex with me until I feel so disgusted that I have to die immediately
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