Another long vent

[FoxSauce]

Well I guess im gonna make one of these since well is best here than wirh anyone.

If anyone wants to listen is welcome to do so this is mostly for me so I can let it out.

Guess what I can start with that I dont really wanna live, things are becoming so hard to bare. Im fully aware people have way way more awful circumstances yhan I will ever had maybe in life.

I dont wanna be where I am, living paycheck to paycheck with a unhappy homelife with my mother. Basically were roomates now Im trying to keep my distance so I dont get hurt. I really doubts my mother really loves.
I dont wanna get hit or threathen or used for her benefit. I dont wanna wake up in the morning.

But everything all at once is become way much, financial, emotional.

Therapy is haelping theres so much it can do.
Of course I wanna continue to study and move away but my paycheck isnt that big for an apartment.

I have 200 dollars saved up but is not enough to move and yes I tried looking for other jobs where I live nothing has resurfaced.

Basically with all medical and food , car things and mental issues. I can handle all them but the emotional burden is too much.

I havent thought of anything yet cuz lets face it im way of a pussy to do so. I havent tjought of a plan cuz I know my sisters need me and I dont wanna hurt anyone.


Sorry it seems all over the place, Im not in a good headspace. Sorry if I seem Im complaning way to much.

Anyone anywhere who's suffering with way more shit I admire maybe the little resilience you have?? Idk sorry

Anyways if ya read this far thank you for reading.

 

[RiftbornVeil]

You aren't complaining too much at all. And regardless of what others may be going through, your suffering is perfectly valid and you deserve to have a space to share your pain without judgement.

Wishing you the best, and sending virtual hugs

 

[wasted19]

Thank you for saying what you are going through, I read everything. I also recently made a bold decision to vent on here and the replies were very kind. I know it takes a lot to say things so painful and personal to you online.

Of course I wanna continue to study and move away but my paycheck isnt that big for an apartment.

After reading this part it seems that maybe there is something you are looking forwards to. Do you like what you study and does the thought of finally moving out and being more free uplift you in some way? If so then maybe attempting the ultimate solution isn't the thing to do here, not before trying to fix stuff anyway, especially if you feel morally obliged to live simply for someone from your family. I know its not as simple as telling you to get a new job, since you said there are none in your area, and because i'm stuck in a similarly shitty position with mine, but since you mentioned a car maybe you are able to travel outside of your area at least a bit to look for something new? I know its not that simple and i'm assuming a lot of things, to be honest it sounds like your situation must be really hard for you and probably on the surface seems hopeless, but with time i'm sure either new things will pop up or opportunities will arise, you just have to bear with it for a little while.

Sorry it seems all over the place, Im not in a good headspace. Sorry if I seem Im complaning way to much.

This is your post, its your little space to tell people what you are going through, and people are here to listen. You seem very sweet so it makes me even sadder to see you going through this. Just like the commenter above, I'm sending you a virtual hug too. Everything will be okay.

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

Well I guess im gonna make one of these since well is best here than wirh anyone.

If anyone wants to listen is welcome to do so this is mostly for me so I can let it out.

Guess what I can start with that I dont really wanna live, things are becoming so hard to bare. Im fully aware people have way way more awful circumstances yhan I will ever had maybe in life.

I dont wanna be where I am, living paycheck to paycheck with a unhappy homelife with my mother. Basically were roomates now Im trying to keep my distance so I dont get hurt. I really doubts my mother really loves.
I dont wanna get hit or threathen or used for her benefit. I dont wanna wake up in the morning.

But everything all at once is become way much, financial, emotional.

Therapy is haelping theres so much it can do.
Of course I wanna continue to study and move away but my paycheck isnt that big for an apartment.

I have 200 dollars saved up but is not enough to move and yes I tried looking for other jobs where I live nothing has resurfaced.

Basically with all medical and food , car things and mental issues. I can handle all them but the emotional burden is too much.

I havent thought of anything yet cuz lets face it im way of a pussy to do so. I havent tjought of a plan cuz I know my sisters need me and I dont wanna hurt anyone.


Sorry it seems all over the place, Im not in a good headspace. Sorry if I seem Im complaning way to much.

Anyone anywhere who's suffering with way more shit I admire maybe the little resilience you have?? Idk sorry

Anyways if ya read this far thank you for reading.

I feel you on the struggle. Have you thought about finding work online?

 

[FoxSauce]

I feel you on the struggle. Have you thought about finding work online?

Yeah a lot, mostly mom doesnt want to tho

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

Yeah a lot, makrly mom doesnt want to tho

Have you thought about what online work you can do? I understand the money struggles and I've been personally researching ways to try to make money online thru AI music. It might be dumb to some people, but after I've seen the numbers, it provides freedom from financial traps. Just tossing out ideas. I get it's tough and I hope it gets better for you

 

[FoxSauce]

Thank you for saying what you are going through, I read everything. I also recently made a bold decision to vent on here and the replies were very kind. I know it takes a lot to say things so painful and personal to you online.


After reading this part it seems that maybe there is something you are looking forwards to. Do you like what you study and does the thought of finally moving out and being more free uplift you in some way? If so then maybe attempting the ultimate solution isn't the thing to do here, not before trying to fix stuff anyway, especially if you feel morally obliged to live simply for someone from your family. I know its not as simple as telling you to get a new job, since you said there are none in your area, and because i'm stuck in a similarly shitty position with mine, but since you mentioned a car maybe you are able to travel outside of your area at least a bit to look for something new? I know its not that simple and i'm assuming a lot of things, to be honest it sounds like your situation must be really hard for you and probably on the surface seems hopeless, but with time i'm sure either new things will pop up or opportunities will arise, you just have to bear with it for a little while.

This is your post, its your little space to tell people what you are going through, and people are here to listen. You seem very sweet so it makes me even sadder to see you going through this. Just like the commenter above, I'm sending you a virtual hug too. Everything will

Thank you for saying what you are going through, I read everything. I also recently made a bold decision to vent on here and the replies were very kind. I know it takes a lot to say things so painful and personal to you online.


After reading this part it seems that maybe there is something you are looking forwards to. Do you like what you study and does the thought of finally moving out and being more free uplift you in some way? If so then maybe attempting the ultimate solution isn't the thing to do here, not before trying to fix stuff anyway, especially if you feel morally obliged to live simply for someone from your family. I know its not as simple as telling you to get a new job, since you said there are none in your area, and because i'm stuck in a similarly shitty position with mine, but since you mentioned a car maybe you are able to travel outside of your area at least a bit to look for something new? I know its not that simple and i'm assuming a lot of things, to be honest it sounds like your situation must be really hard for you and probably on the surface seems hopeless, but with time i'm sure either new things will pop up or opportunities will arise, you just have to bear with it for a little while.

This is your post, its your little space to tell people what you are going through, and people are here to listen. You seem very sweet so it makes me even sadder to see you going through this. Just like the commenter above, I'm sending you a virtual hug too. Everything will be okay.

Well maybe but have to get a new car so it can travel long distances.
Basically is breaking apart , im thankful I have it tho.

But I have to consider the idea of a new car.
I do wanna move away, but with aunt or something, no, I wanna move away from my mom.

I dont wanna be mean but is the best for us both. Ive tried my best to be mindful and considerate but nothing has happened and to be boldly honeslty I dont think she want to from what Ive seen.

Ive tried my best to change my attitude towards her but I give up. Of her I mean.

Have you thought about what online work you can do? I understand the money struggles and I've been personally researching ways to try to make money online thru AI music. It might be dumb to some people, but after I've seen the numbers, it provides freedom from financial traps. Just tossing out ideas. I get it's tough and I hope it gets better for you

Thank you that means a lot. I'll still look tho.

Thanks for the suggestion.
Does it pay good?

Yes I explained that it was a simple job of English to Spanish or Spanish or English call center but she said no. About umm saying something about paying more internet Bill? Can't remember

That was like year ago.