Venting Angry that society tries to prevent suicide when it should be a personal choice..

[imdoneimsotired]

Someone in my country is being charged because they sold SN. I have been unable to find a single source despite looking frantically this entire winter. I am so desperate to be done with this life. I have tried PSH and either had the wrong rope or just didn't know what I was doing (maybe did the knot wrong?) because I couldn't get the noose to tighten easily or enough. I even went to the hospital for help. The "help" available near me is pretty useless though.

I'm on meds that make me feel awful, see a therapist every 2 weeks but feel like I manage to waste every appointment not getting anywhere, and I'm off work trying to get meds figured out. I am in a very privileged position financially yet feel immense guilt about not working.

This winter I spent months so incredibly angry every single day, because I should be allowed to kill myself, and I shouldn't have to go through immense pain to do so. Why can't there be ways for truly suicidal people to access pain-free methods? Why is the last gift the world gives us, the gift of suffering and pain? We know of ways to let people die peacefully, yet we don't allow people to access them? That is so fucked up.

My brain wasn't built for this world. I have been suicidal since I was 11/12 and learned that people can kill themselves. I was heavily bullied in elementary school and dropped out of high school. Growing up I suffered from OCD from a young age and severe anxiety. I was the "gifted kid" who disappointed everyone, never lived up to expectations, and eventually dropped out. Growing up I was constantly told all the things I would fail at, my grade 8 teacher told me I would fail high school (hey she was right!), my parents told me I would go nowhere in life if I didn't turn things around. I spent my 15th birthday in the youth psych ward at the hospital right after being diagnosed with anorexia. I never understood why I had all these issues, so many disorders that only affect 1-2% of the population, yet I have them all. Finally a couple years ago I got diagnosed with autism. I still haven't really accepted this. It means none of the major issues I face day to day are going to get better. Sensory issues are not something I will grow out of. Social struggles will continue to plague me my entire life. And the worst part? Human connection is the entire point of life. Yet I suck at it and have way too much social anxiety to really enjoy the company of others. Drinking was the magic cure to this, but now I can't drink because I became a severe alcoholic at 19. I don't know how to "be myself" whatever the fuck that means. I don't know who I am other than I do not like myself at all. I hate myself deeply to my core. I cannot do anything right. Every day I fuck up so much. I dread working on my hobbies because I often make massive mistakes, which often costs more money to fix.

Sorry this has turned into a rant. Today has been a very hard day and it's only 9:30 am. I woke up upset that I woke up. I was supposed to go out today but I'm not going. I'm so angry I just want to hurt myself so badly. I keep hitting myself and biting myself. I wish I could just kill myself. It's so unfair how hard they make it. We have easy ways to do it, but they've been banned. It's fucked.

Just let me die already. I've been suffering for 15++ years. I used to think it would get better. I have no such delusions anymore. Last year I reached my biggest goal in life and it didn't make me any less suicidal. We got a big "qualify of life upgrade" yet I still don't feel like I have any quality of life. I hate being autistic. I know that's taboo to say nowadays, but it fucking sucks and is the root to 99% of my problems. I have very few social connections and no friends in my city because I don't know how to keep friends. I can make them sort of, but the moment we don't have a reason forcing us to get together (coworker, roommate, classmate, etc) I just fuck it all up. I can't text, which is most people's preferred method of communication, so that alone fucks me up really bad. At least when I was drunk every day I could text anyone I wanted.

Anyways that got really long and off topic. Sorry. I just needed to rant. Back to trying to find a source… wish me luck

 

[Macedonian1987]

Society doesn't care at all if you die by suicide or not. What society really cares is not to lose you as a potential slave for the capitalistic meat-grinder. It took me years to realize this. I wish I realized it when I was younger.

I read your entire post, and like you I have also suffered in depression and sadness for 20+ years, this year I will probably reach my breaking point. I feel it.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I'm sorry you have had to suffer for so long.

I agree with you, but society never will. Look at the lack of Physician assisted suicide for terminal patients. I doubt the world will ever see assisted suicide for mental health.

 

[ginadu]

I've had OCD since there was a murder in the family. It just adds an extra layer of difficulty to a life I already struggle with. If a GP could give a shot either the injectable kind or the chug right down kind I would be completely into that. I thought I might give an attempt at ending it all tomorrow morning. I have just come back from the funeral of a soldier who killed himself. When I heard about his death I was almost envious. Today after watching the impact on his family I feel quite guilty at the idea of putting my family through the same devastation. I know I am loved. That has never been an issue. Just every minute of every day is a misery for me. All I can think about is ending it. I can't figure out a reliable SN source either.

I am going to therapy. I see a psychiatrist. I think the meds are making me worse. I'm much happier when I am drunk too. I make all kinds of plans with people but then I sober up and try to cancel them all.

Try to hang in there and continue with your therapy and be honest with your therapist and maybe one day everything will fall into place.

Watching everyone at the funeral today makes me think twice. As I said the guy was a soldier and his comrades were devastated. I have never seen so many military people in one place. His cousin gave an amazing eulogy and at the end he suggested we all look after each other and reach out and talk to people when we have issues

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, it's just such horrific extreme cruelty how we exist in this world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, denying the option to cease existing painlessly is such a terrible crime to me and I just always suffer so much as a result of being trapped in this dreadful, torturous existence that I just always saw as such a terrible mistake, to me existing will always be torture, I hope you find peace.

 

[Soumatou]

cant even press the blue button without other people's savior complex getting in the way

 

[itsgone2]

It's so unfair how hard they make it. We have easy ways to do it, but they've been banned. It's fucked.

Just let me die already.

It is unfair. Some of us just don't fit in. I wish mine had been long ago, before I had the chance to hurt others. I'm so sorry for your pain. Hopefully this all ends soon.

 

[3shells]

Yep, it fucking blows pretty hard. I've figured that if i'm done with everything i'm blowing my shit smooth off with a gun.
Of course, guns are bullshit level hard to get your hands on anywhere outside the US so i've figured that the forced prep time will at least give me time to think about it all.
If that doesn't work then i'm off to the range to cap my own head the moment i get a gun in my hand, sucks for everyone on the scene but if this fuck ass country won't let me get a gun so i can die alone in peace then it ain't my fault if someones day is ruined because they saw a guy take the only option that was left

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

the only reasons Nembutal, sarco suicide pod, me hiring someone to shoot me with a gun , etc. are crimes and illegal is because government monsters wrote laws to make them crimes.

it's evil and torturing of people who are suffering extremely.

someone is in excruciating pain or will soon be with no way out . but they can't purchase Nembutal to escape that hell . ? why not because they made it a crime and they put the last Nembutal seller in prison for selling Nembutal in 2022. D sold Nembutal imo for at least 10 years online email in the pph.

this person suffering or i can't hire someone to shoot me in the head 10x which is painless and guaranteed. because they made that a crime too. same for sarco, fentanyl, morphine , cyinnde capsules , co cylinders others... and they are restricting SN now.

They stole our most important rights which include the right to move away from extreme suffering , then from suffering and pain, then personal autonomy , to own your own life and body , freedom to exit this prison hell when you want to. they made us slaves and prisoners

the brain can produce constant excruciating pain. this is evident once one accidentally burns hand on burning hot metal. you pull away immediately the pain is so bad. but what if you couldn't move away from that pain and had to keep your hand on the burning hot metal? what is worth 10 seconds , 60 seconds of that torture? a video a sandwich? what about the whole skin against hot metal for hours days years? it's obvious to me the worst pain outweighs the pleasurable addictions by many times to me by a billion times. the most horrible things the worst pain make everything else meaningless. so if you find yourself in that kind of constant pain you can't buy a drink Nembutal to put you out that misery ? why is that not the most evil unfair thing ever ?

assisted suicide has been availiable for hundreds of thousands or millions of years. as long as humans were able to communicate and understand verbal messages the method was available.

when they were able to do a coordinated hunt of an animal then it was available also to pay or trade someone else to hunt me and kill me if i want someone to kill me.

for example . imagine i and another human are sepArated from a tribe 100,000 years ago. i tell them . i don't want to suffer this hunger cold etc anymore . i'll give you this stone axe and pelt if you kill me with this axe and make sure i'm dead. ok was this a crime , illegal, immoral , or anyone's business? no . of course it was a million times more difficult than now because today there are GUNS, knives etc. and money or many better possesions to trade.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/suicide-prohibition-thomas-szasz/1100272604

thomas Szasz
suicide prohibition the shame of medicine

Szasz makes a compelling case that the voluntary termination of one's own life is the result of a decision, not a disease. He presents an in-depth examination and critique of contemporary anti suicide policies, which are based on the notion that voluntary death is a mental health problem

 

[dirkw83]

I hear you, my hope is that in the future our attitude towards suicide changes and it will be considered more of a personal choice and not such a ridiculous taboo as it is now.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

So be it.

1. "You cannot please everyone; control the things you can control." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)/Mark 8:36, Matthew 13:12

2. The grass withers, the flowers fade, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:7-8)

3. The world hates liabilities, and would rather they not exist, as much as the rules dictate that all life is inherently valuable. (Proverbs 25:17)

Therefore, as much as I desire to live, and that a world without me would be awfully dull and grey, this isn't up to me; if I die, I die; though my father, mother, and the whole world forsake me, the Lord will bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)

 

[bb142342]

I can only apply that.

It is atrocious. Here in our country, we have a so-called Ethics Council.
The ridiculous thing is that this council disregards—and actively obstructs by any means necessary—people's autonomy and freedom of opinion regarding the subject of suicide.
For instance, during the COVID era, it was the very first council to suggest—or rather, to *wish*—that people be detained by the military so that vaccines could be forcibly administered to them.

Although the law has been improved slightly, substances like "N" remain unavailable to both doctors and organizations.
They then mock people by claiming that there are "so many options" available—such as starving oneself to death.

It is purely about money for them. The Church, the pharmaceutical industry, and the care industry all wield far too much power.
They fear for their revenue streams.
An unrestricted dose of "N" would likely cost around 30 euros.
Contrast that with the thousands of euros spent on medications for the elderly and the sick. Or consider that a spot in a nursing home here already costs over 5,000 euros per month.

Furthermore—as someone else pointed out—there is, of course, the fear among the wealthy that—to put it crudely—it won't just be the poor, the sick, and the elderly who take their own lives. Rather, it would be the workers—the "good little bees" who march off to work every day and dutifully manufacture products for the wealthy.
Their sole fear is that the entire labor-based system would collapse if people were able to—uncontrollably and with easy access—simply bid farewell to this world.