Venting Angry/abused (SA trigger warning)

[TheLastGreySky]

I feel so angry with life. All I found are a bunch of fake friends and the only people that I have in my life are my partners (my wife and other partner) and my cat. I've recently got back on ADHD medication and I'm able to get a lot of art done and hear myself think for what feels like the first time in a long time, but I don't really feel like I have a sense of an identity anymore. I feel like there's no point in interacting with people who will completely ostracize you for any view on an issue different than their own. I'm so traumatized from being cheated on and used and abused and when I thought I was making progress I uncovered a repressed memory of being SA'd when I was a child as well as being abused by my mother. And it's not being violated that upsets me, I could care less knowing that my mother who was mentally ill did disgusting things to me. I'm more hurt that she was never there for me when I needed her. I feel like all I ever was to her was a puppet, and I could definitely fit in a Pinocchio analogy for how I feel about this. With being abused by a doctor I feel like no one would believe me if I told them. And the little bit I remember was very scary, but I look back and it makes a lot of sense why I never trusted other men.

I feel like, I'm always wanting more to soothe me and I don't know if there's really any help for me anymore. I just want everyone whoever hurt me to pay. And I just want to be normal for once. I feel broken.