Am I going insane and paranoid?

[spacefreightergirl]

I've always had social anxiety but ever since I moved to a different country I did notice weirder states, and I could swear for my life they're real, people actually stare at me. It's not because I stare, because the big majority of the time I'm just looking around and I catch them literally walking and having to twist their necks to look at me. Whenever I tell someone else they say I'm paranoid but I literally see them. Today it was specially worse and it's sent me over the edge and I almost had a panic attack on the street, I caught multiple people just staring at me while walking as if there was something wrong. By the time I was close to my house I just ran to my apartment because I wanted to check the mirror and see if there was something wrong with my face, but everything was completely fine.

I tried to look for some kind of answer and everywhere online people say that it must be that strangers stare because they think a girl is pretty, but I'm not particularly attractive at all. Maybe if I wore makeup or wore nicer clothes I would understand, back when I took care of myself a lot better and "fit the beauty standards" (to put it in a way) I did understand when I caught men staring, but now I look like a very average girl. Instead I feel like strangers can sense that I'm weird or something, like they know there's something wrong with me.

Maybe it's because the last few months I've been too tired to mask outside so sometimes I might stim in public, or for example my boyfriend has said that lately I'm more "visibly autistic" when I walk, but even then my question is, is this what my life is going to be like if I stop constantly acting and playing the character of a normal person? Just everyone thinking I'm weird and literally staring at me for it? Lately every time I leave my house I feel exhausted for the rest of the day, even if I'm just outside for 15 minutes, because I feel like a complete alien and like a weird thing rather than a human.

 

[SASU-KE]

Maybe you could just walk at home and record yourself to see if there's something you're doing unintentionally that's weird?Then you could correct that.

I've seen people do weird stuff outside, like mumbling to themselves or just standing in one place and staring at the ground,etc.That is going to get a bit of attention, I suppose.

Do these people scowl at you or just blankly stare? Also,What is your resting face like?Some people can have a weird resting face,lol.

 

[uklad38]

I get this as well. I'm still unsure if it's in my/your mind or if it's actually people staring. I find myself trying to avoid public places as much as possible now and looking at the ground a lot instead of directly at people

I hope things get better for you

 

[SASU-KE]

I get this as well. I'm still unsure if it's in my/your mind or if it's actually people staring. I find myself trying to avoid public places as much as possible now and looking at the ground a lot instead of directly at people

I hope things get better for you

Yeah, this is another thing. I've known people who assume that others are staring, even when they're not. This may not necessarily be the case with OP. But it definitely is a thing.

 

[spacefreightergirl]

Maybe you could just walk at home and record yourself to see if there's something you're doing unintentionally that's weird?Then you could correct that.

I have already considered that, and honestly the only reason I haven't done it is because I'm also really anxious about cameras (not new though, I've hated cameras since I was a kid) and I hate recording myself or things like that. Still it might get to a point where I'll do it just to see what's wrong thank you

I get this as well. I'm still unsure if it's in my/your mind or if it's actually people staring. I find myself trying to avoid public places as much as possible now and looking at the ground a lot instead of directly at people

I hope things get better for you

Thanks! I hope the same for you as well :) I also started staring at the floor now and it does calm me down a bit.

 

[SASU-KE]

I've hated cameras since I was a kid) and I hate recording myself or things like that.

There are some days when I also feel the exact same way. Like I'm getting more attention than normal. I usually pull out my phone and use the front facing camera as a mirror to check my nose if there's a booger or something like that