Discussion Am I an asshole for contacting my best friend's parents after she told me she's going to ctb

[Deleted member 65988]

It feels nice being understood, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I experienced similar things, I sometimes self-sabotage my relationship by accident. I also used to be more socially inept, which caused people to dislike me. I think the worst type is when you sacrifice a lot for that one person that you care about so much, only to be replaced by someone else..

Self-sabotage is something else that I've struggled with, often times out of some deep seated fear that drove me to such actions, be it because i feared the end. I agree, that's the absolute type of abandonment, when you put in so much effort for one person, you've done all that you could within your power to show them you care but then, for some reason, it isn't enough and you are replaced. This goes back to what I said about your existence actively being rejected by people who no longer see any reason to keep you around.

 

[SanguineShark]

Also,

I did self-harm, years ago when I absolutely went to town on my left arm quite a number of times. I don't think people are open to even understanding that there are people who truly do have such addictions, I didn't understand it myself until I was in it plus it took a while to eventually stop self-harming. Whenever I did self-harm, I truly gave into a bit of self-hatred which made me want to do it even more, it was hard to get past.

It is hard, but I'm proud of you for being able to limit it, or even stop it completely if I understand correctly? I still do it, though I get annoyed at my big scars. Either way, being able to get self-harm under control like that is a great achievement! I don't really plan on stopping, but I'm glad when others are able to.

also thank you for talking with me so far, it helps me with the current situation that's going on

I apologise if I seemed like I was probing a bit. I merely wish to understand, not to label or direct.

no worries, it's all good, I enjoy explaining how my weird brain works

Definite curse of the INFJ, if you believe that stuff.

Idk if I fully believe it, but I am INFP-T!

Self-sabotage is something else that I've struggled with, often times out of some deep seated fear that drove me to such actions, be it because i feared the end. I agree, that's the absolute type of abandonment, when you put in so much effort for one person, you've done all that you could within your power to show them you care but then, for some reason, it isn't enough and you are replaced. This goes back to what I said about your existence actively being rejected by people who no longer see any reason to keep you around.

Yep, I've recently been abandoned by someone I thought was a best friend, albeit it might be partly my fault that I get so attached so fast. I guess I wish she would at least tell me why, instead of ghosting me. I always try to explain why I need to cut contact with someone, and the reason was always that someone was just a straight up asshole towards me and/or others

.

oh and thank you for talking to me as well, it really helps

 

[tiger b]

Self-sabotage is something else that I've struggled with, often times out of some deep seated fear that drove me to such actions, be it because i feared the end. I agree, that's the absolute type of abandonment, when you put in so much effort for one person, you've done all that you could within your power to show them you care but then, for some reason, it isn't enough and you are replaced. This goes back to what I said about your existence actively being rejected by people who no longer see any reason to keep you around.

Some people cannot reciprocate, like dogs cannot meow. If 'you' give willingly knowing it's your decision to do so, it is not up to you as to how that gift is received. A 'fair' exchange is never a guarantee in an unfair world. Some people will reciprocate. But in many relationships (I'd argue most, at least to some degree), there is a giver and taker and hey no smirking, I'm not talking about no kinky ass stuff here ok.

Apologies if I interpreted that wrong. I'd say the intention behind the effort is key.

'Idk if I fully believe it, but I am INFP-T!'

That was my second guess hahaha. And so am I.

Supposedly the most imaginative group, the ones most capable of living in their heads.

I find it useful, fun... but not gospel. Definitely a pet interest of mine, so I'll shut up already about it.

 

[SanguineShark]

'Idk if I fully believe it, but I am INFP-T!'

That was my second guess hahaha. And so am I.

I find it useful but not gospel.

there's also the enneagram thing? I'm doing the test again right now :p
.
.
also: there's no updates about the friend still, I might act weirdly here right now, like nothing happened, in reality my brain just completely cut me off from reality, I'm dissociated and seek distraction. I am powerless to do anything, I already did what I can to help. I just have to wait now

 

[tiger b]

Never heard of it. I'll look at it.

I started doing myers-briggs a long time ago. I used it to try and improve my weak points and relate to others better. I like guessing people's for fun and usually get it right first or second time.

The forum is awash with inf- types, which is a hell of a coincidence if you don't believe in the 'pseudo-science' of it. Definitely shutting up now about it!

How's you now? Ah I see. Sorry, my eyes are getting sore.

' I am powerless to do anything, I already did what I can to help. I just have to wait now'

Well said. I'll stick around for a little bit longer while I raid the fridge, not that you necessarily require that, then I'll sleep. I'm sure others will be more than happy to chat to you here. Best wishes to yourself and your friend.

 

[SanguineShark]

The forum is awash with inf- types, which is a hell of a coincidence if you don't believe in the 'pseudo-science' of it.

one critique I heard about the myers-briggs thing is that everyone seems to be INFP, like everyone I know told me they mostly have INFP friends, that's why they don't believe that classification as true
for me it's just fun I guess, I like putting my myers-briggs along with the enneagram together as they tend to describe people better when put together, me and my bestie are both INFP's but we have completely different enneagrams

How's you now?

I'm ok-ish, dissociation helps. I just got info that the friend is alive and is speaking with her mom! I hope she can feel better soon;;
I also hope she's not mad at me for informing her parents

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It is hard, but I'm proud of you for being able to limit it, or even stop it completely if I understand correctly? I still do it, though I get annoyed at my big scars. Either way, being able to get self-harm under control like that is a great achievement! I don't really plan on stopping, but I'm glad when others are able to.

also thank you for talking with me so far, it helps me with the current situation that's going on

Trust me, much the same of what I've thought my biggest 5 scars on my upper left arm, I went particularly deep on those ones, they are still very visible compared to the ones on my wrist. Appreciate that, kinda helped I had someone help me see past my scars back then.

I'm absolutely pleased this conversation has helped you out a lot and props to @tiger b for being so awesome the whole time too, I definitely think our conversation never went elsewhere or felt off.

Some people will reciprocate. But in many relationships (I'd argue most, at least to some degree), there is a giver and taker and hey no smirking, I'm not talking about no kinky ass stuff here ok.

I know, I've learnt that now and know better.

I guess I wish she would at least tell me why, instead of ghosting me. I always try to explain why I need to cut contact with someone, and the reason was always that someone was just a straight up asshole towards me and/or others

My goodness, this was my problem for a while too, people just ghosted even if they expressed that they don't like doing that to people, I'd respect it more if someone told me why they need to cut me off because then at least I know instead of being damn blind-sided and asking myself "why" and "what did i do".

 

[tiger b]

one critique I heard about the myers-briggs thing is that everyone seems to be INFP, like everyone I know told me they mostly have INFP friends, that's why they don't believe that classification as true
for me it's just fun I guess, I like putting my myers-briggs along with the enneagram together as they tend to describe people better when put together, me and my bestie are both INFP's but we have completely different enneagrams

I'm ok-ish, dissociation helps. I just got info that the friend is alive and is speaking with her mom! I hope she can feel better soon;;
I also hope she's not mad at me for informing her parents

That's definitely not the case from my experience, it's very varied. It's been said that many on the spectrum tend to be inf-. Or perhaps just 'birds of a feather'...grrrr I said I'd shut up.

Well that's great. She might be mad at you for a bit, but were you supposed to cross your fingers and hope she would be ok? There will be a time for a discussion.

 

[SanguineShark]

I'd respect it more if someone told me why they need to cut me off because then at least I know instead of being damn blind-sided and asking myself "why" and "what did i do".

the only way one can learn and improve is if they're informed on what they did wrong, if ppl just cut someone off without explanation then they're doing a mistake

It's been said that many on the spectrum tend to be inf-

that makes sense as I'm only friends with neurodivergent people or mentally ill people or both xD

 

[tiger b]

I'm absolutely pleased this conversation has helped you out a lot and props to @tiger b for being so awesome the whole time too, I definitely think our conversation never went elsewhere or felt off.

Awesome shouldn't be applied to me but you, thanks for your wisdom and your straight-up sense. Full respect, you're some force.

 

[SanguineShark]

Well that's great. She might be mad at you for a bit, but were you supposed to cross your fingers and hope she would be ok? There will be a time for a discussion.

I hope she can forgive me, or at least understand where I'm coming from..

 

[tiger b]

And if she can't...as painful as it is...accept it?

I'll leave that with you. Feel free to ignore.

Goodnight, best wishes.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

the only way one can learn and improve is if they're informed on what they did wrong, if ppl just cut someone off without explanation then they're doing a mistake

Happened with my best friend whom I knew for 9 years, last year I thought we'd reconnect to something resembling what we were use to, a visible friendship in each of our lives that made things better but he ghosted and hasn't said anything to me in a year, I even went to go see if he was alright by visiting his brother who just happened to be there, gave him my contact but I guess that was me looking for closure in the end. Sometimes things these happened and it took me a while to understand it.

Awesome shouldn't be applied to me but you, thanks for your wisdom and your straight-up sense. Full respect, you're some force.

Haha that means a lot and i dont meant that lightly for the sake of receiving a compliment, never heard someone ever say I'm some force, thank you @tiger b , you're awesome.

 

[UKscotty]

Her method was unreliable and highly likely to just be a cry for help, so probably did the right thing.

If it had been a real reliable method and you told on her, then you'd have been an asshole in my opinion.

In this case you saved her some embarrassment, pain and a couple of nights getting stitches.

 

[SanguineShark]

Goodnight, best wishes.

thank you for the conversation, goodnight!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

@SanguineShark I hope you're feeling better now and that this lengthy conversation helped, always remember that there's support here. Please never think otherwise and hopefully you'll take all of this in mind and be a little lighter.

Gotta jet, see ya

 

[SanguineShark]

@SanguineShark I hope you're feeling better now and that this lengthy conversation helped, always remember that there's support here. Please never think otherwise and hopefully you'll take all of this in mind and be a little lighter.

Gotta jet, see ya

it did help, thank you so much for that <3
bye bye!

 

[sleepyhollow]

For what it's worth, I think your friend is very fortunate to have someone who cares about her as much as you do . I hope everything turns out okay.

 

[Stormy Raine]

She's extremely upset and unstable and told me she's going to slit her throat, I panicked and told another friend who has number to her parents that she needs to contact them.. That friend who's suicidal has no desire to live and only has 1 art project keeping her alive, I understand her as I'm also suicidal.. but I just.. I can't lose her like this, we were having a conversation and she was upset and I felt like I just made her mood worse, I just don't know what to do, it's so hard losing someone when I already lost a friend because they ctb... I know I act like a shitty pro-lifer but I'd much prefer if I could at least have a calm conversation with her or even straight up ctb with her, not feeling like I caused her to be more upset than she was before..

I think what you did was a selfish act! You can't stop a suicidal person and the best thing you could have done in that moment was to keep her talking and made sure she was safe. But to be fair I believe people have a right to suicide but I personally don't involve anyone else, just go and say goodbye in your own manner, without saying it!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

@SanguineShark hope you're feeling better today.

 

[The Schizoid]

IMO if suicide attempts are not rational and planned, then you should definitely try to stop them because we don't want to see any impulsive suicides I think.

I am for people's right to die, but seriously screw you people making the OP feel bad. If you're gonna CTB it needs to be thought out and rational decision, not an impulsive one.

We may want ppl to have the right to CTB that doesn't mean we WANT them to die, and impulsive suicides are the most tragic.

Its one thing to make a rational decision because you've exhausted your options over time, vs simply going through a tough temporary moment and CTB without being rational.

A person needs to be absolutely sure it's the best choice for them, not just CTBing because they're in pain in the moment but if they calm down they may reconsider.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I am for people's right to die, but seriously screw you people making the OP feel bad. If you're gonna CTB it needs to be thought out and rational decision, not an impulsive one.

We may want ppl to have the right to CTB that doesn't mean we WANT them to die, and impulsive suicides are the most tragic.

I didn't want to say anything but there are some comments here I find rather insensitive, distasteful and not respectful to what Sanguine has shared in terms of her feelings about her friend.

 

[tiger b]

Well...on what was labelled a 'discussion', I can see how some people might have missed what was going on for a long while and jumped in with their opinion. On the whole, I personally think comments are respectful. I did feel like typing THIS IS NOW A VENT in large neon letters at a few points, but all that matters is op and friend are ok.

 

[SanguineShark]

For what it's worth, I think your friend is very fortunate to have someone who cares about her as much as you do . I hope everything turns out okay.

Thank you;; I love my friends and I really really mean love, it's just not the romantic kind, it's platonic love

I think what you did was a selfish act! You can't stop a suicidal person and the best thing you could have done in that moment was to keep her talking and made sure she was safe

I DID THAT
Please ask before assuming, I talked to her and tried to cheer her up as long as I could, I only started panicking once she stopped replying to me and went offline
it wasn't a rational decision on her part at all, I believe in the right to die but only when it's planned out. She got upset at people criticizing her and just decided to slit her throat on impulse, after talking with people here and sleeping, I can now say what I did was right. She mentioned wanting to turn her life around with a cool job opportunity she said she didn't think about before and was in greater spirits in general, this was an impulsive decision. If you think you shouldn't stop people who decide to kill themselves on impulse and without any plan, then you're not pro-choice, you're pro-death.

@SanguineShark hope you're feeling better today.

A bit yeah <3

IMO if suicide attempts are not rational and planned, then you should definitely try to stop them because we don't want to see any impulsive suicides I think.

Agreed! Some people can still change their life for the better or aren't in such hopeless situations as they may seem when a person is extremely upset. A planned out suicide is when you know that someone is serious, thought it out and it's their final decision. Buying items required for a suicide, preparing via not eating or taking specific medication - that requires a lot of thinking, even going out to the store. I respect people's decision when it comes to this, though I'm not sure if I'd want them to tell me that they're going to commit suicide. After yesterday I can say it's extremely stressful and puts me in a difficult spot where if I don't call for help, I'd blame myself for their death. As painful as it is, I'd prefer to read a note after they are already dead. There's no happy way of discovering someone is dead or is going to die, it's painful as hell

Well...on what was labelled a 'discussion', I can see how some people might have missed what was going on for a long while and jumped in with their opinion. On the whole, I personally think comments are respectful. I did feel like typing THIS IS NOW A VENT in large neon letters at a few points, but all that matters is op and friend are ok.

I wish some of them would read the room and see that this convo kinda turned away from the title and is now more so a venting place

 

[Deleted member 65988]

. If you think you shouldn't stop people who decide to kill themselves on impulse and without any plan, then you're not pro-choice, you're pro-death.

Exactly, you did what anyone of us would've done if we were in your shoes, you saw that it was an impulsive decision based off the fact that she talked about a job opportunity which meant she did have hope for the future and had she slit her throat then it would've ruined any potential of that being realized.