Venting Am I a bad person for wanting to ctb?

[thelostautistic]

Since my method of choice arrived in the post I've felt overwhelmed with guilt. I desperately want to end my life this year but I feel bad about the pain this will cause my family and friends. I've never felt like this before. I guess in the past I was only focused on how I felt and ignored everything else but it's different now. I think this feeling has come up because I know my next attempt will definitely work. I'm feeling really torn. I know this will destroy my family but I'm really suffering and I don't want to carry on. Am I a terrible person for wanting to leave the world?

 

[dragonofenvy]

It's not you who's a bad person. You're a person experiencing bad circumstances, and feeling immense pain because of them.

 

[tonicer]

Since my method of choice arrived in the post I've felt overwhelmed with guilt. I desperately want to end my life this year but I feel bad about the pain this will cause my family and friends. I've never felt like this before. I guess in the past I was only focused on how I felt and ignored everything else but it's different now. I think this feeling has come up because I know my next attempt will definitely work. I'm feeling really torn. I know this will destroy my family but I'm really suffering and I don't want to carry on. Am I a terrible person for wanting to leave the world?

You are not a bad person just because you are feeling really bad and wanting to die. However you will break the hearts of the people that love you. That is what stopped me multiple times. I can't kill myself as long as my mother is alive. She is the only reason i am still living. I have nothing and no one else to live for. Once she is gone i don't know what to do and will probably follow her into the afterlife or the void or whatever happens afterwards.

 

[kitkatt]

Since my method of choice arrived in the post I've felt overwhelmed with guilt. I desperately want to end my life this year but I feel bad about the pain this will cause my family and friends. I've never felt like this before. I guess in the past I was only focused on how I felt and ignored everything else but it's different now. I think this feeling has come up because I know my next attempt will definitely work. I'm feeling really torn. I know this will destroy my family but I'm really suffering and I don't want to carry on. Am I a terrible person for wanting to leave the world?

You aren't a terrible person for wanting to leave. I hate that life's so hard for so many of us that even with something we hope will bring us peace is consumed with guilt. I hope you find the clarity you are looking for