I've being treated for depression, but nothing helps. I have Lichen Sclerosis, a painful condition that settles in the vulva area. I hate it
Fuck, I know what you mean!
My depression is so bad my cognitive functioning is seriously impaired. I can't remember the words for things with alarming regularity.
You could say my affect is having an effect on my mental abilities
My depression is so bad my cognitive functioning is seriously impaired. I can't remember the words for things with alarming regularity.
You could say my affect is having an effect on my mental abilities
Duqu
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
- Aug 27, 2018
- 452
OK I took a pic just for you (sorry it's so wrinkled it's been in my laundry bag like I said): https://ibb.co/fLMo9z
I'm sorry about your LS. That sounds painful.
Yes, nothing seems to help my depression, either, and I've been on meds and in therapy since 2001. I think I'm treatment-resistant. But I'm still taking the meds and going to therapy anyway.
deprecated
Member
- Sep 5, 2018
- 7
- I won't disappoint people anymore and won't have have to feel bad about it.
- People, just people in general most of them suck.
- Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts..
- Honestly everything like I'm so done with everything
- People, just people in general most of them suck.
- Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts..
- Honestly everything like I'm so done with everything
I'm glad you know what I'm talking about when I talk about depression, it's hard for people who never felt that way to get it. It's a nightmare without end -at least it feels without end. I'm too afraid to try to strangle myself [- can't believe how difficult it is to end a life.
Treatment resistant- that hits the nail on the head, why I 'm resistant to ideas likie deep breathing, keeping busy withsomething that interests me, ect. all of it sounds like bulls--t.
IfHeDiesHeDies
Specialist
- Sep 12, 2018
- 383
Chronic pain, chemos, depression and overcoming that freaking bitch called survival instinct.
I've relapsed many times and every time it's felt without end, only to recover and then relapse again.
I've lost so much due to this and this time I can't endure it again, even if I do recover
NOISYMIND
Everyday I wake up I wanna die again.
- Sep 11, 2018
- 164
Arvinneedstodie
Existing is not living
- Sep 17, 2018
- 198
just the feeling of uneasiness with everything...
The uneasiness i get after eating. The uneasiness when i head out in the morning. The uneasiness when i sense something wrong, and then that feeling amplifies to an apocalyptic proportion. I go shopping for clothes, i feel ugly, like i can't makes clothes fit right, then i end up not buying anything and get depressed cuz i got nothing to wear.
I just wanna feel at ease, and happy to live the moment. Hopefully death will be the last uneasy thing i feel.
The uneasiness i get after eating. The uneasiness when i head out in the morning. The uneasiness when i sense something wrong, and then that feeling amplifies to an apocalyptic proportion. I go shopping for clothes, i feel ugly, like i can't makes clothes fit right, then i end up not buying anything and get depressed cuz i got nothing to wear.
I just wanna feel at ease, and happy to live the moment. Hopefully death will be the last uneasy thing i feel.
Nihilistnow
Member
- Jun 5, 2018
- 49
Stress, pain, work, guilt, depression, OCD, ADHD, anxiety, social situations, humiliation, bills, taxes, society, negative emotions, rejection, sexual frustration, conflict, shame, ostracization, hatred, resentment.
I just want silence and to be still, the things I won't have to contend with once I am gone are:
So yeah, for me it is mainly health related. I have lost my health. I guess I could fix the home situation if I really put my energy into it, I hope people here will understand that I don't have that kind of energy anymore. I just want this to be done, when the day gets here and I pull my exit bag over my head and turn on the nitrogen, this will all be fixed, I won't have to contend with these things anymore. I cannot wait.
- Benzo withdrawal
- The constant feeling that every single cell in my body is vibrating
- Tinnitus that cannot be 'masked', I just want quiet, not more fucking noise, crickets chirping etc, fuck that
- Sheer exhaustion that no amount of sleep fixes
- Period Bleeding for three weeks out of four (god I feel so weak and drained by this)
- Excruciating period pain, doctors not interested, I am an ex opiate addict, nobody cares
- Excruciating pain in my right leg, seems linked to the bleeding mess as the pain gets worse with my messed up cycles, again, doctors not bothered, I must be making it up looking for pain pills
- Bad teeth, my teeth need attention but I cannot even afford an NHS dentist, and they'll probably call me a druggie to themselves, take my teeth out and leave me in agony afterwards. I cannot take Paracetamol and Ibuprofen, they make me physically sick, I abused them in the codeine pain pills I used to take, now my poor body just rejects them, you try telling someone this, it looks like an excuse for wanting stronger stuff.
- Breakdown of my relationship partly due to Benzo withdrawal, Aspergers and the fact he cannot accept the past and move on
- This is going to sound so stupid, but him scratching his damn head and face all the time. It is a tic, it is something he does to make sure I am paying attention and not 'on something' falling to sleep
- Unbearable home situation, I keep getting this desire to just up and leave, but I have nowhere to go. This is basically one of the biggest reasons only beaten by my health, if I am to be honest. I am so, so unhappy here.
- This has always been a huge issue, I have tried to get out numerous times but hit the same brick wall, nowhere to go.
- The drug treatment organization that forced me to go cold turkey from a very high dose of benzos, yeah, they're part responsible for this too
- Again, my ailing health, I feel very old. I am fed up of people seeing a 32 year old with 'so many opportunities'. You try attempting to take up one of those things you're 'supposed' to be doing when you feel like I do every day.
- 'Positive' happy people trying to force me to be like them, a recent encounter with one of these people really made me feel awful, as they started talking about horses and riding and taking me to see horses, things I used to love but cannot do anymore because of my health problems. Please don't rub salt into open wounds
So yeah, for me it is mainly health related. I have lost my health. I guess I could fix the home situation if I really put my energy into it, I hope people here will understand that I don't have that kind of energy anymore. I just want this to be done, when the day gets here and I pull my exit bag over my head and turn on the nitrogen, this will all be fixed, I won't have to contend with these things anymore. I cannot wait.
For me I forgot to mention, assuming my demise succeeds: the subsequent police investigation...
and emergency vehicles responding surrounding my demise, which hopefully will be successful. If ever and whenever it comes. But hopefully, assuming it's a success, it'll just be the one cop car they can spare and the one forensics van, and then a coroner's van. Phew. Some people may not like seeing resources and apparatus wasted, my tax dollars, that kind of deal. I'm not that type of person to scream "my taxes".
and emergency vehicles responding surrounding my demise, which hopefully will be successful. If ever and whenever it comes. But hopefully, assuming it's a success, it'll just be the one cop car they can spare and the one forensics van, and then a coroner's van. Phew. Some people may not like seeing resources and apparatus wasted, my tax dollars, that kind of deal. I'm not that type of person to scream "my taxes".
Let's see I had cancer. The chemo made me lose half my hearing. Something they really don't mention could happen when going through it. I can't hear TV or music anymore. Because loss ability to hear high pitch sounds. Hearing aids don't help. I have seen my income cut in half. So can't support my family anymore. Would of ended it a long time ago but have kids. So I don't have a choice but to battle on. While you all have a choice still.
I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds terrible and I sympathise, however we all have our reasons and you don't know what I have to go through. All of our suffering is subjective.
See 'other people have it worse than you' thread.
So what are you going to do? I'd like to know because I think I'm in the same situation. Do you know how many and what kind of pills to take??
Where is it?? Actually I don't care that others have it worse than me - As long as I don't know them
Justanotherconsumer
Paragon
- Jul 9, 2018
- 974
- Being stuck in my mind and body. I don't believe in reincarnation, but if it's true, at least I'll be someone or something else.
- Giving far more than I take in relationships and feeling like trash because of it.
- Constant maintenance of my body (eating, showering, etc.)
- Feeling sad for no reason.
- Literally everything.
- Giving far more than I take in relationships and feeling like trash because of it.
- Constant maintenance of my body (eating, showering, etc.)
- Feeling sad for no reason.
- Literally everything.
Trashcan
Trash
- Aug 31, 2018
- 1,234
It will be so nice to walk out of my last shift that I'll ever have to work at.
Psychospazz91
Member
- Sep 21, 2018
- 52
Regret.
Being Numb.
Emotions.
Fear.
Lies.
Judgment.
Faking it.
Sorrow.
Unwanted Sympathy.
Feeling inadequate.
Iniquity.
Being Numb.
Emotions.
Fear.
Lies.
Judgment.
Faking it.
Sorrow.
Unwanted Sympathy.
Feeling inadequate.
Iniquity.
The horrible uncertainties and emotions in waiting to CTB or trying to obtain the means to CTB. I'll feel so relaxed.
dhk96
Member
- May 8, 2018
- 94
Mostly sadness, anger, regret, loneliness, fear, embarrassment, and guilt.
- Feeling worthless/helpless and being dependent on others, but at the same time, having no one to truly lean on
- Being indecisive and anxious about anything and everything
- Feeling guilty over my incompetence as a human being
- Feeling like a child trapped in an adult's body
- Listening to old songs + watching clips of old shows/movies, getting struck by nostalgia, and then wanting to cry from the realization of being unable to turn back
- Dealing with change and everyone moving forward while I'm glued to the same place
- Being forced to live and suffer through my family members' deaths when their time comes
- Being overly self-conscious and hating both my outsides and insides (ugly appearance and ugly personality)
- Fearing the future, which will likely be grim and miserable
- Feeling very, very lonely and craving affection, even if it's just wanting to hug someone for a very long time
- Feeling exhausted and tired all the time
- Failing when I try something and also failing to try
- Getting angry over little things and getting angry at myself for having lost my patience due to years of living, feeling suffocated and down
- Feeling jealous or spiteful
- Procrastinating on picking up old hobbies because even if I have time, it feels like I have no time at all, and so I do things that don't necessarily take up too much time
- Feeling wronged by people, life, and myself
- Knowing no one close to me really understands or tries to understand how much pain I'm in because they don't want their daughter or sister to kill herself; no one will understand until I'm really gone
ThisIsTheEnd
Waste of oxygen
- Aug 22, 2018
- 90
- Shitty people
- School work I don't care about
- Money
- My depression
- Loneliness
- Life in general
Though, compared to everyone else, I'm a pathetic piece of shit that shouldn't be complaining.
- School work I don't care about
- Money
- My depression
- Loneliness
- Life in general
Though, compared to everyone else, I'm a pathetic piece of shit that shouldn't be complaining.
