Venting All I want to do is destroy everything... because maybe then it will be easier to let go

[SadbleaTablea]

I'm burning my relationships to the ground. It's selfish and unfair to those who are close to me. But human connection tether me to this earth. I only live for others. It has been that way ever since I wanted to die for the past two decades. But if I sever those ties, then maybe... maybe it will be easier for me to CTB. I know this is unhealthy and toxic, but I'm so damn tired. I want to go, and if it means being destructive, then so be it.

 

[failedmind]

I'm doing the same. I'm down to maybe one friend now. I'm sorry. Its a shitty feeling. I keep hoping now it'll be easier for me too when I decide to do it

 

[RoadtoFreedomTwo]

Do you think it's going to work? I'm at the end of the road, basically ghosted all friends and family for months if not over a year now and idk if it's going to help make CTB easier

 

[SadbleaTablea]

I'm doing the same. I'm down to maybe one friend now. I'm sorry. Its a shitty feeling. I keep hoping now it'll be easier for me too when I decide to do it

I'm sorry to hear too that you're suffering as well. It is an awful feeling. I don't even know if I should continue doing what I'm doing. But I keep thinking that maybe if I keep doing enough irreversible damage, that will be enough to just push me over the edge and actually commit CTB... even though it is very unfair to use the people I care about like that, but I don't know, I'm desperate...

Do you think it's going to work? I'm at the end of the road, basically ghosted all friends and family for months if not over a year now and idk if it's going to help make CTB easier

I honestly don't know... my biggest obstacle will be my parents, and I have no idea how I can burn down that relationship where they would stop caring for me. They're the main reason why I have not CTB yet.