AITAH / what should I do?

[SighCry]

For most of this year my friend and my conversation has been about my mental health as it has obviously been horrific. We still talked about her and her life but the majority of the conversations were about me. She also moved to the opposite side of the world indefinitely so it's understandable that you drift a bit. Last year she did say that she felt I was being distant and didn't acknowledge her life as much (this was because I was depressed and wrapped up in my own suffering), but this year I have been trying to engage more with her life, though the conversation has still focused more so on me and my mental health.

The last message I sent was 2 months ago and it was "I just don't know how I'm going to get through this" and she hasn't responded and I haven't reached out again. Is this the end of the friendship? Should I reach out or just leave it? Part of me feels that if she didn't respond to that, maybe she's just tired of our conversations and needs a break. It feels like everyone in my life is tired of my depression/mental health (except my therapist cause I pay her well lmao).

 

[Aflame5926]

it depends. but i dont think you are the asshole. maintaining social contact is hard while having depresion. but people come and people go.

but with this example. its a little bit hard to say advice.

but my honest opinion is try it regardless. if its really lost then its just the way it is.
its better to have still friends that you can talk to.

maybe just call her and focus the conversation more on her then your side.

 

[SighCry]

it depends. but i dont think you are the asshole. maintaining social contact is hard while having depresion. but people come and people go.

but with this example. its a little bit hard to say advice.

but my honest opinion is try it regardless. if its really lost then its just the way it is.
its better to have still friends that you can talk to.

maybe just call her and focus the conversation more on her then your side.

Thanks for reading. Yeah I totally get it's hard to give advice cause it's a bit of a weird situation and hard to give the full picture. Maybe I'll reach out soon before I CTB in a few months.

 

[Forever Sleep]

She may well be struggling herself at the moment so, not quite so able to support you. It doesn't mean it's the end of the friendship though. She may feel more able to respond later on.

Was that the literal message you sent? That you don't know how you're going to get through this? Did you make any enquiry on how she was doing?

Not to blame you here but- do you say similar things to her frequently? In truth- I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the friend desperately wanting attention that I was struggling- pretty much constantly. I've also been the other friend- regularly getting texts that things are worse than ever for a friend.

In the former situation- I finally realised that I was putting too much on my friend and, expecting too much of them. I began to try to hold my own more and eventually- that friendship did drift. With my other friend, I reached a sort of breaking point where I began to vent less to them and they also did the same. We're still friends though.

I suppose it will depend really. You may need to accept that she can't always be there for you- if she is struggling also. I guess it will be down to both of you as to what you will accept.

 

[SighCry]

She may well be struggling herself at the moment so, not quite so able to support you. It doesn't mean it's the end of the friendship though. She may feel more able to respond later on.

Was that the literal message you sent? That you don't know how you're going to get through this? Did you make any enquiry on how she was doing?

Not to blame you here but- do you say similar things to her frequently? In truth- I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the friend desperately wanting attention that I was struggling- pretty much constantly. I've also been the other friend- regularly getting texts that things are worse than ever for a friend.

In the former situation- I finally realised that I was putting too much on my friend and, expecting too much of them. I began to try to hold my own more and eventually- that friendship did drift. With my other friend, I reached a sort of breaking point where I began to vent less to them and they also did the same. We're still friends though.

I suppose it will depend really. You may need to accept that she can't always be there for you- if she is struggling also. I guess it will be down to both of you as to what you will accept.

Thank you I do appreciate you responding and for sharing your perspective in similar situations.

A few weeks prior to that message we had been speaking about her and how she's doing but in those few days where I said "I don't know how I'm going to get through this" I had majorly relapsed so we were just talking about me. Yeah I did just say literally "I don't know how I'm going to get through this" but to be honest I generally don't feel like I burden her with the deepest depth of my feelings - that was definitely one of the more vulnerable things I have shared. I haven't told her I'm suicidal directly either... she probably knows though it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work it out, lol.

Unfortunately we have one of those friendships where we either talk often, and if we don't talk often it is awkward. It's not a friendship where you 'pick up where you last left off' so to speak. Part of me feels I should reach out part of me thinks well if you didn't respond to that, maybe you just want a break. And I was the last one to send the message so it's her turn to respond. I know that's immature. IDK.