Help Advice for manic episodes

[savynavys]

I have, what's assumed to be BPD but never diagnosed, and my bf caused me to split when I was already in a bad area. Though I'm self aware I'm not mentally well, it hasn't stopped and the awareness just makes it feel 1000x worse. I relapsed on self harm for the first time in awhile and I've blocked and gotten rid of contact with close friends (Who I constantly asked helped from but was always ignored) and I'm stuck on where to go next. I just need someone who'll understand or want to talk to me somehow; someone who won't look over the shittiness inside me like how the other people have done. I was genuinly doing alright for a bit and I've hit rock bottom and it's suffocating me.
Someone please help I'm begging so bad.
Just say hi
Tell me your understand or something
I feel like I'm going insane

 

[Endisclose]

I have, what's assumed to be BPD but never diagnosed, and my bf caused me to split when I was already in a bad area. Though I'm self aware I'm not mentally well, it hasn't stopped and the awareness just makes it feel 1000x worse. I relapsed on self harm for the first time in awhile and I've blocked and gotten rid of contact with close friends (Who I constantly asked helped from but was always ignored) and I'm stuck on where to go next. I just need someone who'll understand or want to talk to me somehow; someone who won't look over the shittiness inside me like how the other people have done. I was genuinly doing alright for a bit and I've hit rock bottom and it's suffocating me.
Someone please help I'm begging so bad.
Just say hi
Tell me your understand or something
I feel like I'm going insane

I am sorry that you are going through this currently. Is it BPD or bipolar? I didn't know you could have manic episodes with BPD. I have both bipolar and BPD myself and have had a really bad manic episode in the past, so I can completely understand what you're going through. I have experienced splitting as well and know how helpless it can make one feel. My sympathies are with you completely.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I have had several episodes that lasted for months. They were deep and dark and ugly. High dose lithium ended up being the ticket.

 

[savynavys]

I am sorry that you are going through this currently. Is it BPD or bipolar? I didn't know you could have manic episodes with BPD. I have both bipolar and BPD myself and have had a really bad manic episode in the past, so I can completely understand what you're going through. I have experienced splitting as well and know how helpless it can make one feel. My sympathies are with you completely.

It was speculated to be BPD but they refused to diagnose me so I'm still in the dark about which one unfortunately :( Thank you though for your acknowledgment, it's been the only good I've gotten as since my OG post, my bf messaged me explaining that he initally thought I was just being dramatic so that fucked me over a little lol. I hope your journey with both BP and BPD hopefully get more bearable as this is an absolute hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.

But as someone who's diagnosed, does having a diagnosis help? Ik the question sounds stupid but getting a diagnosis here is quite expensive and I'm not sure if I'm bothered to get a diagnosis when I can just kill myself instead lol. But ofc if there's medication or anything that can help, I might consider it instead of death.
I'm sorry if the question feels invasive :( I'm just rather curious to hear it from a personal experience dealing with both rather than random Google health sites which can be 50/50 depending on the person <3

I have had several episodes that lasted for months. They were deep and dark and ugly. High dose lithium ended up being the ticket.

I'll look into getting a perscription for lithium as past medication had no effect on me whatsoever so thank you :)