addiction and SI

[blightoftheavenues]

I'm a heroin (and fentanyl, when available) addict, as well as an alcoholic, a problem i have not dealt with in probably 10 years at this point. it's seemed to re-emerge as my mental health got worse, and i moved back in with my parents for the first time in my adult life.
i was curious to know if anyone's managed to beat their addictions and feel better, or if we're all just self medicating to prolongue the inevitable?

 

[DeathSleep]

I've been clean and sober for over 5 years now. My mental health has gotten worse tho. It has definitely not been a glorious 5 years for me. I know drugs would make it worse which is the only reason I'm still clean. After all it can always get worse. I'm more suicidal now and lately I've been kinda wishing I was self medicating. I used to envy the people that preach that life has gotten so much better for them since getting clean. Nowadays I just want to die though. Which I may do with fent if I can find some. In the end I'm still an addict. My addictions just come out in different ways now like food. I've spent a lot of money on food. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Others like to point out my clean time and say I'm doing so well but I don't feel well. The last 7 years I'd rather forget. I guess my story isn't very inspirational. I neglected my mental health and I've been paying for it. Overall I just don't want to live anymore drugs or no drugs.