Flippy

Flippy

Felis Sapien
Jan 5, 2020
931
This is exactly me when I deviate first more than a day or two from my dietary and medication regimen. When it's bad it feels like "Fuck, back here again. Time to get back on track. Where are my suicide supplies? Gotta hurry up and get this assembled before the window closes again." Then when it's better again it's "Damn, I missed the window. I guess I'll hang onto these for when it returns. Please please please let me stay up here."
I think that sums things up pretty well for me, but maybe not quite so rapid a timescale. The wonderful and at the same time sad thing about these forums is that you meet so many people who 'get' you but then you look at where we all are meeting eachother and it's really bitter sweet. :-/
 
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SlackJim

SlackJim

Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost
Sep 30, 2019
226
This is exactly me when I deviate first more than a day or two from my dietary and medication regimen. When it's bad it feels like "Fuck, back here again. Time to get back on track. Where are my suicide supplies? Gotta hurry up and get this assembled before the window closes again." Then when it's better again it's "Damn, I missed the window. I guess I'll hang onto these for when it returns. Please please please let me stay up here."
hehe can definitely relate to "damn, I missed the window"
 
R

Reallyreallyreally

Experienced
Jan 13, 2020
205
hehe can definitely relate to "damn, I missed the window"
It's a really good way to explain the experience to people. It communicates the awareness of its cyclical nature while also making clear the emotional awareness of it.
 
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epic

epic

Enlightened
Aug 9, 2019
1,813
Many of us(including me) have incurable conditions. It is scientifically impossible for me to get better with the technology we have.
I take your point that there are plenty of people who are in similar situation who have made the most of their time . Many of us are trying to do the same.
 
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Moonomyth

Student
Feb 6, 2020
196
If even the very pro-life reddit is aggressive about saying "It gets better" is bad advice, that in and of itself is probably good advice to follow.

It probably gets bearable for most people, but not better. Some people confuse the two. I don't think bearable is good enough.
 
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C

Cevapcici

Student
Dec 30, 2018
146
. Lots of people here will be gone soon but others will remain. Why? Because being here is better for them. Better than lots of other feelings, lots of other days, lots of other people to talk to. It's not perfect. It may not be good. It may be just a holding pattern. But it's better than something.

I'm saddened to see some users got triggered by your thread, but you are entitled to your own chain of thoughts and your own outlook on life. I really appreciated what you had to say, because to me, it makes sense. When you're at rock bottom, nothing really matters at this point anymore - yeah, yeah, sure...you could still loose a limb, get raped , ect... But you're kinda already mentally prepared for it, you've stopped fearing things that you can't really prevent from happening, you don't care, you're already dead on the inside. You don't have the energy to make sense of anything. It's the K-hole. I'm currently at risk of homelessness and , in my case, dying with dignity is still better than having to die in the streets or something... It always gets better than something, even if the lesser evil is death for some.
I'd say sometimes it doesn't necessarily factually get better, but you just end up getting used to it. So it's still better than it was at first, because you're feeling better about not having control, through acceptance.
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,246
Oh, it can get better. But then life can REALLY screw you over and put you in a situation way worse than anything you ever encountered prior.

For example, think of the one thing you TRULY want from life more than anything. Not counting CTB. Now, imagine finally having a chance to get that but the catch is you have to sacrifice the life you built up until then and start anew far away. Then, you lose that. On top of that, you are forced to live everyday with that in your face reminding you of what you have, but don't now. But the universe isn't finished torturing you yet because while you are dealing with that, there's a chance you might get it back. Not a definite, just a chance with no degree of certainty. But it's still not over. Eventually, after being tormented by having it as a constant reminder daily, you finally get removed from the situation and put into a place you are not familiar with all alone, yet with that chance that you can have it again, but it is uncertain. On top of that, you have to wait a couple of years to see if it will come to be. And the cruelest part of all is you can't stop hoping it will go back to what it was before. That's pure hell right there.
 
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Pryras

Pryras

Last hope
Feb 11, 2020
529
Maybe it's just my pessimism but I see life as a ride of ups and downs and even if things improve they will always roll back down. Months ago, I miscarried and it was the most terrible experience in my life. i wanted to die right then and there. Within weeks I parted ways with a close friend of mine due to some personal drama but it made me forget momentarily what I went through earlier. Negative feelings replaced with even more negativity.

I believe there can be good moments ahead but it's definitely not worth the pain to get there or experience on the way. I feel everything and I don't want to feel the pain anymore
 

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