About uncertainty

[Coffeandamug]

I had posted before on this same topic. My life is really bad and my depression has been really intense for years now. And yet, I don't feel certainty about death. I don't even know how it would be to feel that way. I imagine it would feel like a peaceful sense of certainty. I've been here on this forum for years, I have seen people go,talked to them... I've seen the threat of SN not being a viable option in the future which scares me. But even then I can't make myself do it. I know I would chicken out the moment I drank SN or whatever method I'd try. I know my life ins't getting any better... my plan is to keep living until I am certain I want death but I don't know if it's a good plan. Any of you experiencing something similar ?

 

[Ethernatuskoi]

If you feel you are not ready, then you must live. I'm giving the same advice I was given when I made a similar thread. I was undecided and wanted ctb soon, but I felt like it wasn't the right time to do it, so I decided to postpone the idea, but I regret doing it, because I keep feeling really bad throughout the days, but not for long.

 

[Coffeandamug]

If you feel you are not ready, then you must live. I'm giving the same advice I was given when I made a similar thread. I was undecided and wanted ctb soon, but I felt like it wasn't the right time to do it, so I decided to postpone the idea, but I regret doing it, because I keep feeling really bad throughout the days, but not for long.

I always feel bad... There isn't a day when I don't think about suicide but still, it seems like I'm not ready. Or for some reason, I can't still fully commit. To keep living is to keep suffering and yet it seems like that's what I can do for now.

 

[SVEN]

There'll always be another 'bus coming along, when you're truly ready I believe you'll know it's time to get aboard. Until then just do what you can to endure and be kind to yourself.
Best wishes.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

If you feel like you are not ready, try therapy and exhaust all options other than CTB.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

I am in a different predicament but I can relate to the feelings you expressed, my death is set in stone, it will happen. It will just happen in a few years, maybe 2-3, as a result I have been in a weird state of mind where sometime I forget that I am going to die. It leaves me feeling like my death is so far away that it's not guarantied, and that leaves we with a set of emotions that, confuse me, not quite sadness, nor a sense of happiness, rather it leaves me feeling like I don't quite have as much control over my life as I always thought I did.