(English is not my first language, so bear with me, please) - Well, as the title alludes, I'm about to call a close friend and tell him I'm having suicidal thoughts, that I got SN and I'm planning to take it in the foreseen future.
I feel so bad to have reached this point, where I'm calling someone, living his own life, caring about his own shit and bothering him with this suicidal bullshit thing. But I don't know what to do. Its like I feel I need to tell someone about this. When I told my mum she just said, surprised, 'get this thoughts out of your head!' but didn't do shit to try and help me. Maybe calling a friend is something that was invoked by SI, trying to dig some space, making room for survival chances in the future by building bridges that might connect me with someone at this point. I don't know. But tbh, I never thought I would reach this point, of buying something that might end up killing me (with this sole purpose in mind, actually) and feeling depressed, tired. These are strange days to me.
I feel so bad to have reached this point, where I'm calling someone, living his own life, caring about his own shit and bothering him with this suicidal bullshit thing. But I don't know what to do. Its like I feel I need to tell someone about this. When I told my mum she just said, surprised, 'get this thoughts out of your head!' but didn't do shit to try and help me. Maybe calling a friend is something that was invoked by SI, trying to dig some space, making room for survival chances in the future by building bridges that might connect me with someone at this point. I don't know. But tbh, I never thought I would reach this point, of buying something that might end up killing me (with this sole purpose in mind, actually) and feeling depressed, tired. These are strange days to me.
