a glimmer of hope (vent?)

[dinosavr]

My friend works at a psychological clinic and she convinced me to give therapy another shot.
I have my first appointment with a new therapist tomorrow. And on Tuesday another appointment with my psychiatrist.
I'm freaking out because I have no idea how I should act.

I think I'm slowly leaning towards telling them the truth and asking for help. Maybe it's naive but I haven't actually tried it yet to ask anyone to reaaalllyyy help me. With suicidal thoughts, not just depression. It makes difference.
I'm probably going to give it a try. I'm scared of my family's reaction if it gets me into hospital or whatever. It would be incredibly difficult to go through and I'm still hesitating.

But I guess if that doesn't work I can just be sure I want to go with ctb. And I will be 100% sure then, not so on and off like right now.

I know I'm risking a lot. Mental hospitals are not a picnic, I know. And that's why I'm not sure what to do, because I can see that part of me who still sees some sort of sense in trying to heal. I used to be okay, I used to appreciate life. Maybe somehow I can get back there again? Even if it seems so impossible right now…

 

[matt1968]

All the best with it.

I did the same recently - it's such a long path I'm trying to summon the energy!

 

[dinosavr]

All the best with it.

I did the same recently - it's such a long path I'm trying to summon the energy!

Whenever I try to imagine how incredibly long and difficult this path is, it makes me not want to try at all. But let's at least try.
I wish you all the best with your recovery!!

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I like this part:
"But I guess if that doesn't work I can just be sure I want to go with ctb. And I will be 100% sure then, not so on and off like right now.".. it's never wrong to try something out that can help reduce or ease the pain of what you're going through. I wish you well.