50 years old... Existence is pointless

[unhappycamper80]

I'm 50 and my life has been an abject failure. It started from childhood, and I never was able to cope with setbacks.

I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point, I know I don't want to be alive but at the same time I don't have the guts to ever CTB.

To be clear I will NEVER do it. However I'm fascinated with the idea of it, and I'm looking to meet people close to my age you also feel like they are also are a failure and just to connect with.

What makes me even more hopeless is that I unfortunately associate myself with very high functioning people... All of my friends and for the most part family members are highly functioning, with great jobs, families, and overall happiness. I've been the black sheep who can't get it together.

 

[Zaphkiel]

All of my friends and for the most part family members are highly functioning, with great jobs, families, and overall happiness.

That's what you see on the outside.
There are high chance that in private they are not that happy.
That's how it is very often, sadly.

All in all dont other too much with others, think about yourself.

 

[rustcohle4life]

Sometimes the saddest people wear the biggest smiles. I'm not that way, i can't fake it, but others are that way. You can't tell if a person is happy because they have all the societal milestones met. Some of these great big mcmansions house some of the saddest people ever. I know a lot of them. But i definitely get what you're saying.

I'm about two decades younger than you and i think i may actually be ballsy enough to catch a ride out of this shit hole early.

 

[U. A.]

welcome, sadly.
only about a third of users here are over thirty, but there's a chatroom specifically for 40+. it's the speech bubble with a number icon likely in the top right of whatever you're using.
good luck

 

[stardewwindceres]

I'm 50 and my life has been an abject failure. It started from childhood, and I never was able to cope with setbacks.

I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point, I know I don't want to be alive but at the same time I don't have the guts to ever CTB.

To be clear I will NEVER do it. However I'm fascinated with the idea of it, and I'm looking to meet people close to my age you also feel like they are also are a failure and just to connect with.

What makes me even more hopeless is that I unfortunately associate myself with very high functioning people... All of my friends and for the most part family members are highly functioning, with great jobs, families, and overall happiness. I've been the black sheep who can't get it together.

I just turned 40 a few weeks ago and I am a complete mess of a human being. I do have a plan to CTB and am currently trying to gather what I need. But I'm not sure when I will do it. I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. I've tried before in my early and late 20s, almost succeeded. I was never supposed to go on this long and I have long since passed my expiration date, as far as I should have been dead already. I feel now like I'm just rotting away.

As for other people IRL, I associate myself with them as little as possible. Plus, I really don't care what they are doing with their lives. Most people I've ever met, I've never really liked. I had a group of close friends when I was younger. But as I got sicker and sicker, I lost friends and have always had trouble keeping them. Like @rustcohle4life, I can't fake it either. (Excellent, I loved Rust sooo much) Anyway, I can't pretend and I'm always too much.

 

[rustcohle4life]

I just turned 40 a few weeks ago and I am a complete mess of a human being. I do have a plan to CTB and am currently trying to gather what I need. But I'm not sure when I will do it. I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. I've tried before in my early and late 20s, almost succeeded. I was never supposed to go on this long and I have long since passed my expiration date, as far as I should have been dead already. I feel now like I'm just rotting away.

As for other people IRL, I associate myself with them as little as possible. Plus, I really don't care what they are doing with their lives. Most people I've ever met, I've never really liked. I had a group of close friends when I was younger. But as I got sicker and sicker, I lost friends and have always had trouble keeping them. Like @rustcohle4life, I can't fake it either. (Excellent, I loved Rust sooo much) Anyway, I can't pretend and I'm always too much.

True detective season 1 was epic. I hope it gave you some solace on this shitty planet. Yep, my social life is completely zero to. I just can't care about anything worldly anymore. I don't think whatever i have can be fixed, so i guess i will look forward to CTB, because there's nothing else i can look forward to anymore. At least there's some wonder and excitement in it. Peace out.

 

[stardewwindceres]

True detective season 1 was epic. I hope it gave you some solace on this shitty planet. Yep, my social life is completely zero to. I just can't care about anything worldly anymore. I don't think whatever i have can be fixed, so i guess i will look forward to CTB, because there's nothing else i can look forward to anymore. At least there's some wonder and excitement in it. Peace out.

"I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in human evolution. We became too self aware; nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, a secretion of sensory experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal."

One of my favorite Rust quotes

 

[vig919]

I'm 50 and my life has been an abject failure. It started from childhood, and I never was able to cope with setbacks.

I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point, I know I don't want to be alive but at the same time I don't have the guts to ever CTB.

To be clear I will NEVER do it. However I'm fascinated with the idea of it, and I'm looking to meet people close to my age you also feel like they are also are a failure and just to connect with.

What makes me even more hopeless is that I unfortunately associate myself with very high functioning people... All of my friends and for the most part family members are highly functioning, with great jobs, families, and overall happiness. I've been the black sheep who can't get it together.

So relatable

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Same, late 40s. Everyone around me has a career, some type of skill. I can't even hold a basic job. Even if it didn't want to CTB there's nothing here for me. I contribute nothing to society.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I'm 50 and my life has been an abject failure. It started from childhood, and I never was able to cope with setbacks.

I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point, I know I don't want to be alive but at the same time I don't have the guts to ever CTB.

To be clear I will NEVER do it. However I'm fascinated with the idea of it, and I'm looking to meet people close to my age you also feel like they are also are a failure and just to connect with.

What makes me even more hopeless is that I unfortunately associate myself with very high functioning people... All of my friends and for the most part family members are highly functioning, with great jobs, families, and overall happiness. I've been the black sheep who can't get it together.

I'm 45. This resonates with me in some ways. I plan on logging out soon. Just getting some final affairs taken care of. I feel you on the childhood part. I feel my life was doomed from "Go." I will say that while your friends/family may seem happy, that often is a front. I learned that from experience. Even right now. My best friend is about to marry "the woman of his dreams." Yet, she doesn't respect him, the relationship is very lopsided. She still wants to party in her mid-40's. Almost ALL of the financial burden is on him. It's a mess, and he's not happy. But, his comeback to all of that is, "at least I'm not alone." I'm at the point where I'd rather be alone than unhappy.

I wish you peace and clarity in your journey, no matter what you do.