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leaftomb
let's live fast and die young
- Jun 15, 2024
- 61
A few months ago I thought I should give myself a deadline, a moment where I just stop fearing it and just CTB. The date I chose was totally random and it is now 25 days away. I debated pushing it to another year, same day of the same month, just giving me some time to get some things figured out and cleared up for my loved ones, but I don't know. Part of me thinks I should stay a bit longer because I feel I haven't been there enough for my loved ones, the other part of me thinks it will never be enough and I might as well go before I get the chance to make our relationships worst.
Anyways, my plan is to either OD, jump, or mix both and pray nobody finds me laying under a bridge with a broken spine and broken legs. I haven't finished my note yet. It never felt so real, and I'm afraid I'll chicken out again. I must admit I feel bad for my loved ones. My dad is already depressed and I'm afraid he'd follow in my path if I were to commit.
I wish I could simply accept it completely but I don't think I ever will. 25 days to learn to live (and die, I guess) with the guilt.
If I do commit to the plan, I just pray I'm successful.
Anyways, my plan is to either OD, jump, or mix both and pray nobody finds me laying under a bridge with a broken spine and broken legs. I haven't finished my note yet. It never felt so real, and I'm afraid I'll chicken out again. I must admit I feel bad for my loved ones. My dad is already depressed and I'm afraid he'd follow in my path if I were to commit.
I wish I could simply accept it completely but I don't think I ever will. 25 days to learn to live (and die, I guess) with the guilt.
If I do commit to the plan, I just pray I'm successful.