Venting "You're just wasting your money"

[deadwithoutmusic]

I told my therapist I don't have much of a desire to get better and struggle to get outside let alone making myself eat well, get exercise or be productive with my work/hobbies. She then said if I don't do these things or try then "You're just wasting your money". She's probably not wrong but it just made me so angry and I don't think I can go back next week because of it. It just felt like she failed to understand why I don't have a desire to get better and struggle to do so. I think I might just be helpless after all. It just made me much more suicidal after leaving today and now I just want my SN.

 

[Meditation guide]

I think she meant well but she also has no understanding of what your life is like for you like you said. I've found that to be the problem with all doctors I've ever seen almost. You try to explain what problems you have and they say things that show total not understanding. You tell them you can't do something and they don't understand or believe you.
They tell you to do things you can't do. I would definitely not go back to her if I were you.

If you were able to do things like that you probably wouldn't need a therapist.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

Bad therapist. She's half right: You are wasting your money on a bad therapist. Get a new one.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I think this is a clear example of another mental health professional not willing to actually help. The answer suggests that she views the sessions as transactions. No desire to understand her patient; merely a generic formula she wants to prescribe.

 

[Caspers]

I found that with my therapist, I need to tell him if he upsets/misunderstands me. A good therapist will try to work things out. It took us a long time to understand each other, but we're a lot better now. He still has a difficulty understanding/nudging those small comments I make, but we're getting there. I'd suggest you tell her how you feel, and play it from there.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I told my therapist I don't have much of a desire to get better and struggle to get outside let alone making myself eat well, get exercise or be productive with my work/hobbies. She then said if I don't do these things or try then "You're just wasting your money". She's probably not wrong but it just made me so angry and I don't think I can go back next week because of it. It just felt like she failed to understand why I don't have a desire to get better and struggle to do so. I think I might just be helpless after all. It just made me much more suicidal after leaving today and now I just want my SN.

Please don't stop going just because she made you angry. Understand that she is trying her best to help you. She elected to try "tough love" with you, and clearly this was the wrong approach for you.

I recommend that you return to see her and explain to her how her response made you feel. I can tell you are intelligent and so I know I don't need to warn you about mentioning suicidal topics in a manner that could result with a potential involuntary hold.

If after telling her this, she continues on with the "tough love" approach, and if this continues to not feel good for you, then find a different psychiatrist.

Take care.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

"You're just wasting your money"

I don't understand, did he/she mean you're wasting your money by going to therapy??

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

I don't understand, did he/she mean you're wasting your money by going to therapy??

Yeah, if I don't try the things she was suggesting I'm pretty much just wasting my money because I'm not trying.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Please don't stop going just because she made you angry. Understand that she is trying her best to help you. She elected to try "tough love" with you, and clearly this was the wrong approach for you.

I recommend that you return to see her and explain to her how her response made you feel. I can tell you are intelligent and so I know I don't need to warn you about mentioning suicidal topics in a manner that could result with a potential involuntary hold.

If after telling her this, she continues on with the "tough love" approach, and if this continues to not feel good for you, then find a different psychiatrist.

Take care.

OMG, who are you? Why are you giving such advice?
First, OP said therapist, and not psychiatrist, which are totally different things with different methods/paradigms etc. I let you google.

Second, IF A THERAPIST MAKES YOU SUICIDAL ONLY ONCE, DO NOT GO BACK ever again. You end it there. Period. They are supposed to work for you, you pay them, not belittle you, and then you pay them. They are supposed to lift your self-esteem, not shatter it. This is insanity. You want OP to go for 3-4 more sessions of 'tough love' so then OP decides to ctb because of a shitty therapist with God knows what credentials?

 

[whywere]

My heart truly goes out to you. That is one of the worst things to say to a person. Total lack of empathy period. I have various mental and health issues and have doctors treat me like nothing more than a vehicle to get a new fancy sports car. Sorry for the pun. YES, I have had crappy doctors also. One time I had a doctor tell me to "put my depression in a box and put it off to the side" For real!!!!!I have had to go all over where I live, I live in a city of for than 4 million so I do have choices, BUT it took a long time to find truly heart felt doctors. I wish and hope you might be able to find a new doctor. I, and the global family members want the best for you period. My wish to you is that you can find a more empathic doctor to help bring on beautiful sunrises and sunsets in your life. I care, and feel for you , been there myself, and wish all the wonder that a warm sunny day can bring! Love and peace to you from the global family members. We are ALL in his TOEGETHER!

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Yeah, if I don't try the things she was suggesting I'm pretty much just wasting my money because I'm not trying.

Yes you are wasting your money, because she is a shitty therapist. Should be fired on the spot. Let her taunt other depressed people.
What is up with this condescending attitude that she gives? You pay her, she serves you. That's how it works.

Which country are you in?
And what method is she using? Please tell me she uses an "integrative, holistic approach" in her therapy. These are con artists.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

Which country are you in?
And what method is she using? Please tell me she uses an "integrative, holistic approach" in her therapy. These are con artists.

I'm in Australia.

It's still early but she was talking about starting CBT which I don't really know much about.

 

[bigdog]

I haven't met a doctor which made a difference. Or a medication except for opiods or ritalin which is generally not prescribed by psychiatrists. When you are severely depressed all talks doesn't matter at all. You see EVERYTHING extremely negative way

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm in Australia.

It's still early but she was talking about starting CBT which I don't really know much about.

Yap, they all say it's still early when you ask them what methods they use. And then they milk you for 10 more sessions for nothing.
To me you sound young and trusting. Don't let condescending therapists destroy you. I don't know if you're a man or woman, but if I were you I would just fire her on the spot with no explanation. And give her a bad review online. You cannot go there to get help for her to act like a high school popular bully girl.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

I haven't met a doctor which made a difference. Or a medication except for opiods or ritalin which is generally not prescribed by psychiatrists. When you are severely depressed all talks doesn't matter at all. You see EVERYTHING extremely negative way

Yeah that feels like me but I also have quite a negative view on drugs as well which makes me not want to try anything like that.

 

[bigdog]

Only thing that can drag you from severe depression is changing your lifestyle drastically. Buy a good car even if you think rationaly and drive a honda civic. Buy good suits. And most important eat good food you like everyday. Don't let other people bother you. Take some drugs like opiods to make you relax. Trust me it works after some time. If you don't have money it is very bad. Because I know from my experience if you for example live with your parents who fuck you everyday, eat junk, and don't have nothing positive in your life it is a dead end. You can eat as much antipsychotics as you won't it is bullshit. You need your own space, positive emotions to rewire your brain otherwise you are fucked! And you need to do it as fast as possible because otherwise you will go deeper and deeper. Just forget about everything and start, I don't know sell some of you assets or something anyway if you CTB or become disabled because of your mental state or not getting right nutritions for your brain and become demented you won't need them anyway. It is from my own experience

 

[Chupacabra 44]

OMG, who are you? Why are you giving such advice?
First, OP said therapist, and not psychiatrist, which are totally different things with different methods/paradigms etc. I let you google.

Second, IF A THERAPIST MAKES YOU SUICIDAL ONLY ONCE, DO NOT GO BACK ever again. You end it there. Period. They are supposed to work for you, you pay them, not belittle you, and then you pay them. They are supposed to lift your self-esteem, not shatter it. This is insanity. You want OP to go for 3-4 more sessions of 'tough love' so then OP decides to ctb because of a shitty therapist with God knows what credentials?

No, I respect your opinion, and it POTENTIALLY is better than mine. However, I stated ONE more visit - not "3 or 4".

Let me ask you something. How long will it take OP to find a new therapist? Will OP have a significant delay to replace her current therapist? Does OP use insurance to pay for therapy?. Will they be fussy and slow with changing therapist? Does OP live somewhere that offers multiple professional options or is she living in a small town? Does OP have any support mechanisms in place while waiting for a new therapist? What do you recommend OP do in the interim should there be a delay?

Again, your answer MIGHT POTENTIALLY BE BETTER, but I'll venture to guess you don't have enough information to recommend what you are recommending. If you and OP are friends and you personally know all the variables, then 100% your advice could be better than mine.

BTW, I admire your passion. As an aside, I have an undergrad degree in psychology, so I have at least some level of knowledge. Thus, no need to direct me to Google.

Thank you for the response, and I hope OP will read this to see my concerns.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

No, I respect your opinion, and it POTENTIALLY is better than mine. However, I stated ONE more visit - not "3 or 4".

Let me ask you something. How long will it take OP to find a new therapist? Will OP have a significant delay to replace her current therapist? Does OP use insurance to pay for therapy?. Will they be fussy and slow with changing therapist? Does OP live somewhere that offers multiple professional options or is she living in a small town? Does OP have any support mechanisms in place while waiting for a new therapist? What do you recommend OP do in the interim should there be a delay?

Again, your answer MIGHT POTENTIALLY BE BETTER, but I'll venture to guess you don't have enough information to recommend what you are recommending. If you and OP are friends and you personally know all the variables, then 100% your advice could be better than mine.

BTW, I admire your passion. As an aside, I have an undergrad degree in psychology, so I have at least some level of knowledge. Thus, no need to direct me to Google.

Thank you for the response, and I hope OP will read this to see my concerns.

I think both reactions are valid without knowing all the details but it's good to hear what people think just from that interaction.

I will think about it over the week and see if I feel up to going again. Another therapist will take two, three or maybe four weeks before I can see them which is tough.

I'm also very bad at expressing how I feel and telling my therapist I want to see someone else will be hard. How do I go about this?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think this is a clear example of another mental health professional not willing to actually help. The answer suggests that she views the sessions as transactions. No desire to understand her patient; merely a generic formula she wants to prescribe.

im not disagreeing just trying to see another point of view i guess but, if someone honestly wanted to change but just didnt have the motivation then that would be one thing. but if someone is going to therapy with zero thoughts on changing how would they not be wasting money? i mean it would be like going to the doctor to get a brace and then never intending to wearing it.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I think both reactions are valid without knowing all the details but it's good to hear what people think just from that interaction.

I will think about it over the week and see if I feel up to going again. Another therapist will take two, three or maybe four weeks before I can see them which is tough.

I'm also very bad at expressing how I feel and telling my therapist I want to see someone else will be hard. How do I go about this?

There are so many variables at play, no one here (unless a friend) could know 100% what is best for YOU. Old school saying, "opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one."

I'm never naive enough to assume my advice is best given I'm online interacting with strangers. Best to get diverse opinions and figure out for yourself given all the countless variables on your end that none of us know and go from there.

My personal concern is that you feel safe through any possible transition.

 

[It'sNotLookingGood]

Never see her again

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm also very bad at expressing how I feel and telling my therapist I want to see someone else will be hard. How do I go about this?

idk how it works where you are but i just called up the receptionist because its not a private therapist (i guess is a way to put) and they just gave me a new one

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I wouldn't go back. She doesn't seem very compassionate based on your session. You deserve to have someone who will listen and sit with you where you're at, instead of constantly trying to force things.

I understand therapy is meant to bring about change, but it's important to meet the client where they're at first

 

[GoneGoneGone]

No, I respect your opinion, and it POTENTIALLY is better than mine.

There are no better or worse opinions, everyone can have an opinion. There can be more or less informed opinions though, or more or less rational ones.

Given that OP is going to therapy, they clearly want to live. If their therapist is making them suicidal, drop the therapist.

Let me ask you something. How long will it take OP to find a new therapist? Will OP have a significant delay to replace her current therapist? Does OP use insurance to pay for therapy?. Will they be fussy and slow with changing therapist? Does OP live somewhere that offers multiple professional options or is she living in a small town? Does OP have any support mechanisms in place while waiting for a new therapist? What do you recommend OP do in the interim should there be a delay?

Amazing questions! Which you should have asked OP before posting your response.

In my opinion, if someone, anyone, is making you feel like ctbing, you stop talking to that person asap, unless you want to ctb to begin with, or unless you enjoy humiliation.

Again, your answer MIGHT POTENTIALLY BE BETTER, but I'll venture to guess you don't have enough information to recommend what you are recommending. If you and OP are friends and you personally know all the variables, then 100% your advice could be better than mine.

Why do you keep on capitalizing whose response is "BETTER?" Are you that insecure? Your response is better, happy? I'll even give it a like to boost your ego.

This should be about how to help OP, and not how to enter an 'ego' measuring competition.

As an aside, I have an undergrad degree in psychology, so I have at least some level of knowledge.

Good for you, maybe you become one of this type of therapists.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

There are no better or worse opinions, everyone can have an opinion. There can be more or less informed opinions though, or more or less rational ones.

Given that OP is going to therapy, they clearly want to live. If their therapist is making them suicidal, drop the therapist.


Amazing questions! Which you should have asked OP before posting your response.

In my opinion, if someone, anyone, is making you feel like ctbing, you stop talking to that person asap, unless you want to ctb to begin with, or unless you enjoy humiliation.


Why do you keep on capitalizing whose response is "BETTER?" Are you that insecure? Your response is better, happy? I'll even give it a like to boost your ego.

This should be about how to help OP, and not how to enter an 'ego' measuring competition.


Good for you, maybe you become one of this type of therapists.

No intention of making you upset. I apologize to you. I shared my thoughts and suggestions for OP. OP can decide how best to proceed.

Take care.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

No intention of making you upset. I apologize to you. I shared my thoughts and suggestions for OP. OP can decide how best to proceed.

Take care.

No need to apologize, you did nothing wrong to me. I just think (a hunch) that you may be young and still believe in the proverbial best intentions of therapists. Some of us have been through the therapy mill for years, and are very cynical about the process. If you read through the forum you can find a lot of threads about mental health professionals and users' experience with them.

Again, my advice in general is: at the very first red flag, drop them like a hot potato, if recovery is what one seeks. And as a general rule: no one should interact with someone who makes them suicidal, be it friend, acquaintance, family member... If recovery is what they seek.

@thrw_a_way1221221 would you mind please giving an advice to the OP? Thank you in advance.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

my response to her would be you wasted your education on a profession you clearly aren't fit to be in. Sounds very uncaring to me. Her job is to help get you through- help you improve. When you aren't so depressed you will work on the things she has suggested. It's her job to help you through the depression to get to a point where you can feel motivated to do some of her suggestions. Her job isn't to tell a totally depressed person they are wasting their money. I would file a complaint at her office.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm also very bad at expressing how I feel and telling my therapist I want to see someone else will be hard. How do I go about this?

You tell her that you felt she was condescending during the last session and that it shattered your confidence in the therapist-patient (although they treat you as a client) relationship.

Or you ghost her. Or you tell her you feel she doesn't have enough experience (not to seem condescending, but I bed she's either super young) or that her views are antiquated (super old).

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I told my therapist I don't have much of a desire to get better and struggle to get outside let alone making myself eat well, get exercise or be productive with my work/hobbies. She then said if I don't do these things or try then "You're just wasting your money". She's probably not wrong but it just made me so angry and I don't think I can go back next week because of it. It just felt like she failed to understand why I don't have a desire to get better and struggle to do so. I think I might just be helpless after all. It just made me much more suicidal after leaving today and now I just want my SN.

No, it doesn't sound like she heard you. It seems from what you said that she has a framework and an agenda or goal for you, and you're not going to be in the driver's seat, she is.