For me personally, I just don't wish to exist, I find existence to be a terrible, tragic mistake that just causes all this pain and suffering all for the sake of it and no matter what I'd never wish to suffer in this existence, I find existing to be so burdensome, torturous and undesirable and the fact that one can exist for so long with no limit as to how much agony they can feel terrifies me. In my case I just want some peace, I just wish for eternal nothingness, I simply want to rest for all eternity with all finally forgotten about, existence truly has brought me nothing but pain and more than anything I wish I never suffered in this existence at all.