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Your experience with professional help, thoughts, expectations?
Thread starterpetmom
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I really did not ever intend to post in the recovery section when joining this forum. Um, basically, something convinced me today to take a step to reach out to professional help. After years.
Basically, apparently, it's sort of at crisis point. I'm not sure how I'm making it through 2026, honestly, so it's like last resort for me
I'm pretty shy and can be socially anxious. I've been this way since childhood. When you're like this, with poor mental health, and low self esteem, maybe sensitive, reaching out at all is a battle
Tbh idk if this will even go well. I still don't wanna be here. I'm obviously terrified. I'm kind of hating it at the same time…
Just asking and venting. Are there any decent and positive experiences people here have with professionals? What to expect? How do you guys deal with nerves? I'm just, new, and lost, and scared
On another note, I don't actually know if I'm making it out of here alive. I'm not sure how to mention the suicidality and extent of it, and if that's a good idea. I'll probably wait, listen, chat and see
I was just putting this out here. Thanks for reading and any responses peace to you all
My experience with a psychologist was moderately helpful. The psychologist explained a bit about fight-flight-freeze (not just fight or flight), provided strategies for me to use that Dad wrote down, listened to me as I described primary/high school* concerns, and discussed them with me.
Having Dad there to take notes was helpful for the earlier visits, though in the last visit, I held back on some concerns (was concerned about some discussion I had potentially leading to harm) because Dad was in the room. Might've been able to make more of the last visit if I had some private time (eg part of the session) to discuss stuff, if only I expressed that request then all might've understood.
As for dealing with nervousness, consider writing the discussion points down, so you can read from the notes or even show them to the professional. This will also help you remember what to say.
As for what to expect, I'd say... a listening ear, some advice (so bring something to write the advice down), and maybe even suggestions on what to do next. You can ask about their mandatory reporting obligations before discussing suicide, etc... I haven't discussed that, partially because I don't want to disappoint or worry the psychologist (although I think the psychologist might be ok with the discussion... it's not like she was overly concerned or disappointed during sessions), and the CTB wishes weren't as strong as they were during early Year 12 (2022) and October 2024 (uni) or so.
* I'm 21 now. Run my typing through age estimation software to help confirm.
My experience with a psychologist was moderately helpful. The psychologist explained a bit about fight-flight-freeze (not just fight or flight), provided strategies for me to use that Dad wrote down, listened to me as I described primary/high school* concerns, and discussed them with me.
Having Dad there to take notes was helpful for the earlier visits, though in the last visit, I held back on some concerns (was concerned about some discussion I had potentially leading to harm) because Dad was in the room. Might've been able to make more of the last visit if I had some private time (eg part of the session) to discuss stuff, if only I expressed that request then all might've understood.
As for dealing with nervousness, consider writing the discussion points down, so you can read from the notes or even show them to the professional. This will also help you remember what to say.
As for what to expect, I'd say... a listening ear, some advice (so bring something to write the advice down), and maybe even suggestions on what to do next. You can ask about their mandatory reporting obligations before discussing suicide, etc... I haven't discussed that, partially because I don't want to disappoint or worry the psychologist (although I think the psychologist might be ok with the discussion... it's not like she was overly concerned or disappointed during sessions), and the CTB wishes weren't as strong as they were during early Year 12 (2022) and October 2024 (uni) or so.
* I'm 21 now. Run my typing through age estimation software to help confirm.
I'm also in uni! I'm doing it through my school as well. I'm in third year. Also, today I learned about age detection software! It said I'm 25-35 lmao. Thank you for your kind and helpful reply
I'm glad you're trying something, and good luck. I hope it can help you at least make life easier. Maybe even good, who knows.
I have personally had both good and bad experiences, mostly good though. I was probably quite lucky, but I guess that means that it's *possible* to find someone who can help.
What to expect depends on the person you're seeing and the approach they work in, but at first you will most likely not learn anything groundbreaking - it will be the time for you to explain your situation, your problems, the context, whatever you need. If you don't know what to say it's fine to tell them that and you will be asked questions, most likely. Still telling someone how you feel might help you by itself. So the first meeting(s) might make some things better, but if they do not - remember that therapy takes time to *actually* change things.
Should you mention suicidality - well this is a difficult subject because it's important to know for the professional, BUT can get you sent to psych ward if they decide "you are in immediate danger".
I personally told a psychiatrist that I am suicidal "but have no intent" when he asked and explained that "I cannot do it because I really don't want to hurt my parents" (which I made up on the spot not to risk getting locked up) and I openly talk to my therapist about it. But I live in Poland and it seems like being forcefully hospitalized is much rarer here than eg. in the US. So it depends on the situation. But generally speaking, mentioning passive suicidality should be safe.
I also have been quite socially anxious since childhood, some of it got better with time but it's mostly still there, I have also had bad self esteem so I always think that "I do not deserve anyone's help and I should deal with things on my own".
So I really struggled with getting any kind of "professional help" and usually only did because I was dragged there by my parents/friend. As a teenager I tried seeing a few therapists but I was always too anxious to be honest with them.
~1 year ago I decided to try taking medications (I'm 21 for context), when I had nothing to lose and I was basically trying to make my friend who was helping me feel less guilty after my death... Well, the first psychiatrist I saw was terrible, she misdiagnosed me, immediately claimed I have BPD because I'm trans and I self harm? I only have the basic boring depression, not even the emotional kind, the completely apathetic type so like, what. She prescribed me mood stabilizers which I did not even start taking because it did not make sense for my problems.
BUT the second psychiatrist I saw, also kind of forced to by my friend, was quite decent.
Most importantly he was very nice and non-threatening, and I remember being an absolute mess on that appointment - completely out of touch with reality, too brain dead to think, barely able to talk and terribly anxious. But somehow he led the conversation in a way that allowed me to feel more comfortable and actually say what was wrong. I got prescribed antidepressants which worked, well, at least got me out of an absolute shithole for long enough that I actually got some hope and postponed my planned ctb date. A few months later I switched to a different psychiatrist whom I also had a good experience with, she's also quite a warm and friendly person who I'm somehow not scared of and she prescribed me additional medications which were actually more "matched" to my specific problems, and that helped a lot.
Uh anyway, ~2 months after starting medications I decided to seek a therapist (because I was told by someone that I'm annoying and rude and "I should go to therapy to fix it if I want this relationship to get a chance"... Well THIS kind of argument did convince me). Tried one therapist for 3-4 sessions. Decided she wasn't for me, I felt like we did not understand each other at all. Then I tried another therapist and it was better, I have been seeing her for a year now. She's good, very empathetic and understanding, not perfect probably but good enough. Most importantly I can talk to her about my suicidality openly as she thinks it's my choice whether I decide to live or not. I was very lucky to find someone like this.
Overall, talk therapy helps me in some ways. I still, some days, struggle to talk there at all because I'm ashamed of myself but well that's a part of my problems. Still it's some kind of emotional support, I guess I learned some things about myself there - like why I do or think certain things that make my life hard. Also it allowed me to get used to talking to someone about any personal and vulnerable things which I was always afraid of.
So I had some better and worse experiences and sometimes it does take a few trials to find someone who you will really want to work with, an approach that's best for you and stuff. Different things work for different types of problems. The most common talk therapy type is cognitive-behavioral, but for me it didn't work, for example, so it's worth trying other things if the first doesn't work.
Still - it's worth trying, I think. Whether it will help - depends on many factors. But maybe it will make things a bit easier. For me it didn't fix everything and life is still bad sometimes, but it's ok enough to mostly decide to stay alive so I guess that's something.
my first therapist saved my life by giving me simple almost dumb sounding mundane tasks to perform to keep me going. i emailed her 3 good things that happened every day and even if it was as mundane as eating something tasty, stretching, going for a walk, enjoying something i watched, talked to a friend etc it gave shockingly good positive reinforcement. she had me read up on mental health to gain my own better understanding from an academic point what work needed to be done. i rarely had to directly say how bad my head was spiraling for her to understand how deep it had gotten and how hard existing had gotten for me at my lower points. i was able to email her at any time and she would always reply in the near future. i had to move and my new therapist wasnt quite as proactive due to being a lot younger than the previous but it still felt amazing to have someone i could just spill all my anxieties and hardships at every week, whether she could give me a helpful goal or thought or not (which she usually did even when it felt impossible). that therapist wound up quitting the facility i went to and referred me to colleague, and while yes this process was stressful to the point of several hard breakdowns, my new therapist was just as lovely and has been gently coaching me with thoughtfulness and small achievements/goals for several years. even when it felt like i was stuck in a super shitty hard slump where i achieved nothing for months, i never felt judged or rationally scared to talk to them. they went out of their way to keep me as a patient when i had to move yet again under very bad circumstances and were one of the only stabilizing forces i had at the time
im aware not everyone is this lucky when they try to match with a mental health provider, but i urge people to not give up if one or even several professionals dont feel like thry match your speed. theyre humans with lives and personalities as well, just like anyone else, and we all communicate differently about mental health even on a clinical level
I'm also in uni! I'm doing it through my school as well. I'm in third year. Also, today I learned about age detection software! It said I'm 25-35 lmao. Thank you for your kind and helpful reply
In my opinion, psychotherapists are a modern day priesthood. They exist to maintain social conformity and operate on very little real science.
That doesn't mean they are useless, however. Just as a priest can help people, so can a therapist.
I highly recommend reading Victor Frankl's short book 'Man's Search for Meaning.' It's helped me a lot and perhaps can help you.
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peace to you all
