ecmnesia
the only thing humans are equal in is death
- Aug 30, 2020
- 767
what's wrong with you?
it was your choice.
against my will I was born into this world to fullfil your delusional fantasies. to spread your twisted genes. to care for you when your old and sick.
because of your abuse I lack the strength to stand up for my own. because of your actions I am emotionally chained to my wardens. because of you abuse, to me, means love. that's what you use to say, wasn't it?
"we are doing it, because we love you"
but do you really? or is it that you only enjoy having someone at your mercy as you please?
you drag me into a fight that has nothing to do with me. you accuse me of being selfish, lazy. you dare to say that I am abusing your kindness, because all I can do is nothing, after all, i spend days and nights on the bed, while you, a poor explored little parent works his ass off to sustain this family. and suddenly, when i tell you, that you have nothing to do with my relationship with my mother (because you don't talk for yourself only, no, you say that i am also abusing her, that she is a victim of my selfishness, kind enough to not complain) I am disrespectful, and you won't tolerate that. You won't have anymore of my bullshit, you are sick of me complaining about life when i have everything, you are sick of me draining your money, your work. You are sick of my dirty mouth, of my arguments, of my personality.
And you are 21 you say. You are expected to be a grown up. You should be working. You should have your money. You should do something.
And yet, who was the one that convinced me not to find a part-time job in college? Who was the one that refused to find a place for me at his business for a summer job, when both my brothers had the opportunity? Who was the one who told me that no one would hire a good for nothing with no experience like me?
But I am under your roof. I have nowhere to go. I have no money. I have no friends. And therefore, I must comply.
It's ironic that I've been holding on for so long for your sakes only.
I'm sick of trying to justify your words. I'm sick of being empathetic towards you. I'm sick of considering your feelings when over and over and over you disregard mine. I'm sick of seeing you as a human being with its own feelings and problems. I'm sick of you. I'm so so sick of you. And yet, I'm a coward, I'm weak. No matter how sick, I can't leave. I'm pathetic. You could kill me, and I'd apologize for the mess. I hate you, but i guess, I hate me more.
it was your choice.
against my will I was born into this world to fullfil your delusional fantasies. to spread your twisted genes. to care for you when your old and sick.
because of your abuse I lack the strength to stand up for my own. because of your actions I am emotionally chained to my wardens. because of you abuse, to me, means love. that's what you use to say, wasn't it?
"we are doing it, because we love you"
but do you really? or is it that you only enjoy having someone at your mercy as you please?
you drag me into a fight that has nothing to do with me. you accuse me of being selfish, lazy. you dare to say that I am abusing your kindness, because all I can do is nothing, after all, i spend days and nights on the bed, while you, a poor explored little parent works his ass off to sustain this family. and suddenly, when i tell you, that you have nothing to do with my relationship with my mother (because you don't talk for yourself only, no, you say that i am also abusing her, that she is a victim of my selfishness, kind enough to not complain) I am disrespectful, and you won't tolerate that. You won't have anymore of my bullshit, you are sick of me complaining about life when i have everything, you are sick of me draining your money, your work. You are sick of my dirty mouth, of my arguments, of my personality.
And you are 21 you say. You are expected to be a grown up. You should be working. You should have your money. You should do something.
And yet, who was the one that convinced me not to find a part-time job in college? Who was the one that refused to find a place for me at his business for a summer job, when both my brothers had the opportunity? Who was the one who told me that no one would hire a good for nothing with no experience like me?
But I am under your roof. I have nowhere to go. I have no money. I have no friends. And therefore, I must comply.
It's ironic that I've been holding on for so long for your sakes only.
I'm sick of trying to justify your words. I'm sick of being empathetic towards you. I'm sick of considering your feelings when over and over and over you disregard mine. I'm sick of seeing you as a human being with its own feelings and problems. I'm sick of you. I'm so so sick of you. And yet, I'm a coward, I'm weak. No matter how sick, I can't leave. I'm pathetic. You could kill me, and I'd apologize for the mess. I hate you, but i guess, I hate me more.