You have that little bit of hope then it’s snatched away

[cazza82]

Why is it that for the first time in a long time my mental health worker has helped me to the point that I think there's a tad bit of hope maybe I'm not useless worthless and that I am good enough I'm not invisible people do see and hear me then the people around you continue to make you feel like your absolutely nothing that your not loveable. I've been clean for near on 18 years at the minute I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts and what was my drug of choice heroin it's like they want to try to get me back down that road again. I'm trying so so hard to ignore these dark thoughts but when you're being told all this shit and it's happened for years you believe it and it's extremely hard to think differently. I was starting to feel a little positive now I feel like it's been snatched away why do I give these people that are meant to care about me but clearly don't so much power over me and that itself makes me hate myself even more I feel like not one person on this earth gives a damn about me like at all even if they knew how bad I was struggling not even my own home is my safe place anymore what's the point

 

[futurebuscatcher]

You have a community here. It probably means nothing from a dumbass on the internet but you shoukd be proud of your progress. Not everyone can do what you have done– and the fact you've been clean for so long is commendable. I wish you nothing but the best and you get the help you need.

 

[cazza82]

You have a community here. It probably means nothing from a dumbass on the internet but you shoukd be proud of your progress. Not everyone can do what you have done– and the fact you've been clean for so long is commendable. I wish you nothing but the best and you get the help you need.

Thank you I hate giving certain people that much power over me I really do but I can't help it when they're constantly telling you how useless and worthless you are you really believe it

 

[SVEN]

Sod them and the horse they rode in on. You've got this far with only yourself and a health worker. Give yourself a wee bit of credit ... just by posting this you've maybe given a bit of hope and encouragement to some other desperate suffering soul.
Remind yourself how far you've come, no one yet knows how much further you may manage.
Please don't give up now, we respect your achievement even if some who should, don't.

 

[SomePeacePlease]

I feel this strongly. You should be seriously proud of yourself for getting clean, and staying clean for so long. I'm in the process of being stepped down on opioids and benzo(given by doctors over the last 20 years) at a clinic now. They promised a world of help when I was there, but ended up being "their way or the highway", no tests and a follow-up every 3 weeks.

I told them on the first appointment that this would be the last thing I tried. I have, for the last 20 years, done everything doctors/therapists/specialists suggested, so if they didn't do this properly, and I felt taken care of, I'd end it all. My long time therapist(a very good person) even sent them a long letter, asking them to reconsider the way they stepped down, and to consider psychiatric ward. No reaction at all. If nothing big happens, giving me hope for the future, I'll have this last Christmas with my family and son, and then night-night method after.

I'm sorry for bringing in my own story about stepping down, but my point is that YOU did it, and no one can take that away from you. No one sets out to be addicted, and getting off it takes strength that a lot of people can't comprehend. This Internet stranger is proud of you!

 

[cazza82]

I feel this strongly. You should be seriously proud of yourself for getting clean, and staying clean for so long. I'm in the process of being stepped down on opioids and benzo(given by doctors over the last 20 years) at a clinic now. They promised a world of help when I was there, but ended up being "their way or the highway", no tests and a follow-up every 3 weeks.

I told them on the first appointment that this would be the last thing I tried. I have, for the last 20 years, done everything doctors/therapists/specialists suggested, so if they didn't do this properly, and I felt taken care of, I'd end it all. My long time therapist(a very good person) even sent them a long letter, asking them to reconsider the way they stepped down, and to consider psychiatric ward. No reaction at all. If nothing big happens, giving me hope for the future, I'll have this last Christmas with my family and son, and then night-night method after.

I'm sorry for bringing in my own story about stepping down, but my point is that YOU did it, and no one can take that away from you. No one sets out to be addicted, and getting off it takes strength that a lot of people can't comprehend. This Internet stranger is proud of you!

I am meant to have a drugs worker but she's useless I told her after all this time I was struggling for the first time in a long time and I had heroin methadone you name it to either end it or just get blotto but she did nothing she missed 2 appointments after that never called me to check in give urine sample anything the fact my mental health worker disposed of them for me when she didn't need to do that and I will be forever grateful but it's the drugs workers job. I called again today trying to be an adult lol to maybe not tar them all with the same brush and ask if I can change workers as the trust is gone and trust is everything to me once it's gone it's GONE. They promised a manager would call me back today guess what no phone call because I've been stable this long and I'm not off my face or falling all over I feel like they don't think I deserve help. It's so wrong it took a lot for me to even tell them. They just let me down every chance they get I'm going to call back tomorrow I'm in the UK if I don't get a call back or appointment they can do one. I am on a certain medication because when I was 7 months pregnant with my only child my husband suffered a massive stroke I'm now he's carer as well as a child and working I struggled so self medicated with codeine thinking it was helping me get through the day hence why I'm under a drugs worker but I've never taking heroin in all those years but when I get tempted due to circumstances they abandon me. I'm sorry for what your going through it's not easy but once your on the other side it's so worth it as long as you find the right people to help you x