you ever wanna kys just cuz u bored

[zombiegirl]

like yeah the weight of life sucks or whatever but im bored and the novelty of death is exciting

 

[alltoomuch2]

like yeah the weight of life sucks or whatever but im bored and the novelty of death is exciting

Yes, but I had imposter syndrome about this and asked chat gpt and it suggested I had BPD and it wasn't boredom, that it was the BPD "empty" feeling. I am actually diagnosed with BPD and I realised yes, that is how I feel. Could this be the reason you feel like this do you think?

 

[dazednconfused]

i agree with ATM2 lol i have bpd too, and even very little, i had a morbid curiosity with dying.

 

[LunarLight]

Well, I do feel very bored sometimes, and that's one of the reasons why I wanna CTB. I can't stand understimulation.
And, as a matter of fact, I have BPD too.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, my main reason for wanting death is that it prevents me from experiencing any future suffering. Sure, boredom is part of that suffering but, for me, it's all types of suffering that is currently happening to me as well as all types of suffering that could happen to me in the future that I want to avoid. Being perpetually bored does add to my suffering but I'd still want to be dead even if I wasn't always bored

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

This is the very core reason I'm going to CTB. I have found through a lot of self exploration, that I have no innate abilities or talents and interests or passions, nothing to keep me occupied in my life. So I'd be bored with my life, doing something I just feel okay about. I can't stand the idea of boredom, it's like literal torture.

 

[zombiegirl]

Yes, but I had imposter syndrome about this and asked chat gpt and it suggested I had BPD and it wasn't boredom, that it was the BPD "empty" feeling. I am actually diagnosed with BPD and I realised yes, that is how I feel. Could this be the reason you feel like this do you think?

well yeah everyone has bpd these days. i mean just think about it. bpd is basically a common response to chronic trauma/stress that starts early in life and when you look at the way the world is... it makes total sense

 

[dazednconfused]

definitely wouldnt say everyone has bpd... but yes it is probably becoming more common.

 

[SixNeufUn]

Yeah thats definitively the main reason. I have always feel that way and slowly everything I used to do or like started to become dull. The period of time shorter.

I came to a point where I barely see times pass, dropped school, doesn't work, letting myself slowly die pretty much. I am surprised I didn't get any dicease or something like that at how careless I am. Anyway shit keeps happening to me but I barely care or less. The only things that makes me react is about my parents.

Just remind me how my heart beat faster just the thought of thinking about my mom or talking to her. Like its fucking too hard. I have no idea how long I didn't call her and I prefer it that way but I know that a day she will call and will have to pass this horrible moment. (Same with dad obviously)

Oh yeah forgot to act thats basically that ruined every experiences I had. Professionally, romantically and others.

Like I am fucking dumb and the worst part is I just pass over it. I am remembering the only two girlfriends I had. The first one was my first love. Like I saw her and got that shock like 'I will marry her'. But I know to be rational and honestly she was a 10/10 for me while I was a 4/10 at best so I never actually thought I would have a chance. So I never truly did anything to show my feelings and even kept my distance to not create any misunderstandings and get too caught in it which works really well since I was content to love her in secret. But after a year when we finally dated. It was... not what I was expecting. I mean she was absolutely everything I loved in a girl but there was just an emptiness and even discomfort at the thought of spending time with her. God know how fucking cringe I was when I forced myself to text her each day. I was literally walking and rolling on a bed for minutes to send a hello.

Anyway with no surprise she broke up with me and I didn't feel anything too. I was not happy neither sad. Just like ok. And my fucking ass weird still love her. I never forget her since that day and sometimes dream about her.

Anyway happened exactly the same with the other girl. But I never accepted to date since I learned for my mistakes but she kept insisting so I gave up and... nah it wasn't love. Though I enjoyed spending time with her but even when she broke up I just thought it was a pity then pass over it.

The broke up message was literally 2 messages and did like 4 years of history never happened. Well I guess its best for both of us and we're still friends and there is no awkwardness between us at all

Just noticed I talked too much. I guess I wanted to vent

 

[Zaphkiel]

Yeah.
Because I realize I dont have the drive to do anything. What i liked once ive done too much and nothing new entice me

 

[astr4]

thanks for minimising and dismissing the real suffering of people with bpd. :-( How bloody disrespectful. Shit this suicide thread is just so bad. I only just came back on it after leaving because of a horrific member being vile about my deceased father and now this. Eff off zombiegirl you absolute c u next tuesday. I hope if you ever do attempt that it goes terribly badly, you live but suffer terribly. effing twat. If we were face to face I'd effing knock you out. FY

i know this might not help and i know what they said hurts anyways

but i don't think they were intending to invalidate people with bpd

i think, to paraphrase, they're saying a lot of people with bpd develop it after trauma, and due to the state of the world a lot of people are traumatized, therefore lots of people have bpd nowadays.

i truly don't believe they were intending to make light of your suffering, only to highlight how unfortunately common trauma is

but i also understand that even if it wasn't the intention it felt incredibly dismissive regardless and i'm sure it hurt a lot reading it

but i think this misunderstanding is hurting you too because it must be painful to think people are judging you like that

 

[WildAtHeart]

Not necessarily because I'm bored, but boredom definitely exacerbates my thoughts of suicide. I think of suicide all the time either way but it's a little bit more manageable if I'm not bored, but when bored it's like getting hit with a train of negativity

 

[zombiegirl]

definitely wouldnt say everyone has bpd... but yes it is probably becoming more common.

i was exaggerating

i know this might not help and i know what they said hurts anyways

but i don't think they were intending to invalidate people with bpd

i think, to paraphrase, they're saying a lot of people with bpd develop it after trauma, and due to the state of the world a lot of people are traumatized, therefore lots of people have bpd nowadays.

i truly don't believe they were intending to make light of your suffering, only to highlight how unfortunately common trauma is

but i also understand that even if it wasn't the intention it felt incredibly dismissive regardless and i'm sure it hurt a lot reading it

but i think this misunderstanding is hurting you too because it must be painful to think people are judging you like that

sadly a lotta people on here will interpret anything and everything as Bad or in the worst way possible. when you're at the point of suicidality you will see everything as negative

 

[dazednconfused]

i was exaggerating

sadly a lotta people on here will interpret anything and everything as Bad or in the worst way possible. when you're at the point of suicidality you will see everything as negative

yea but im just pointing it out for anyone reading that its an exaggeration, simply adding clarification. usually a kind of phrase like that "everyone has x nowadays," comes off as saying that it's not really a big deal or something. clearing the air thats all.

 

[zombiegirl]

yea but im just pointing it out for anyone reading that its an exaggeration, simply adding clarification. usually a kind of phrase like that "everyone has x nowadays," comes off as saying that it's not really a big deal or something. clearing the air thats all.

100% BPD is a huge deal and i think it's alarming how common it's becoming these days, especially among disadvantaged peoples

 

[Tac0Johnz]

i get tht too, if it's not my depression or addiction wanting me ded my boredom will get to me especially with bpd, adhd and autism making it worse :/

 

[ladylazarus4]

I do want to do parasuicidal behaviors without intent of completion when I'm bored, and I get suicidal thoughts 24/7, but I only get truly suicidal with intent to die when I'm suffering immensely.